Husband threatened our DS

[Fliss45]

I was out picking my daughter up last night and when I returned, my DS (age 9) was in tears, saying his Daddy had threatened to stab him with a fork!!! What had actually happened was my son was trying to pinch food from my husband's plate (he eats later when he comes home from work) and my husband snapped and told him not to do it again or he would stab him with his fork (presumably meaning prick him with it in his hand). I spoke to my husband and obviously told him it was totally inappropriate thing to say, which he admitted and he apologised to our son. I don't think that my husband would actually physically hurt our son but I am somewhat disturbed that he would even say this to him. Having said that a couple of years ago he did "clip him around the ear" after a playfight got out of hand - he didn't do it hard but understandably my son was extremely upset and I was furious and told him if he ever did that again I would leave him. My son is generally a very well behaved and happy child. My husband on the other hand is frequently short of patience and constantly grumpy with the children. He is also quite a controlling character in other aspects including controlling finances (although denies he is..). Gosh when I write this out, it doesn't sound good. Am I over-reacting ? Any thoughts / advice welcome.

Keep the child, ditch the husband.

Seriously, is this what you want for your son? And if not, what are you going to do about it?

No you're not over reacting. He sounds like a miserable old Grinch. But it's your job to protect DS. He hasn't got anyone else to do it and tbh, I'd be worried about leaving him alone with DH in future.

No, it's not what I want for my children at all. I am very concerned about the effect it could have on him and it's quite a bizarre thing that he said to him. I don't know what I am going to do to be honest.
Singlenotsingle you have hit the nail on the head, he is a miserable grinch most of the time these days and our relationship is on the downward spiral.

What are you getting out of this relationship now?.

I would not want to remain within such a relationship at all and I would seek legal advice asap re separation and divorce. Its over anyway because of his controlling nature (and yes they always do deny that they are controlling). Controlling behaviours are abusive behaviours and abuse is about power and control.

What do you want to teach your children about relationships and what do you think they are learning here from the two of you?

Good questions, thank you. I don't know what I'm getting out of it (apart from financial "support" as I work part time - although he is VERY controlling in this area...! He says he's careful...extreme day to day penny pinching but has lots of £ in investments etc that he doesn't share with me...). I didn't want my kids to end up in a divorced home so have tried to paper over the ever widening cracks..... really doesn't sound good at all when I write this out.

This is how it started with my Dad. Next I knew, he was holding me down, trying to suffocate me and telling my Mum he was going to kill me