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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

AIBU to think hubby is BU?

2 replies

Wishiweremorewitty · 08/03/2019 10:19

Sorry if this is going to be a long post. The thing we argue most often about is sex. He seems to want it every day and gets sulky if he doesn’t get it. We tend to have it about 2 (sometimes 3) times a week. He went to sleep in the spare room last night as I was tired after work and taking my 5 yr old daughter to her swim lesson (with 2 year old in tow).
I do all the child care. He leaves for work before they get up and gets home just in time to have dinner with them (most but not all nights) then I bath them and put them to bed while he tidies up dinner. We split the cleaning to be fair to him. But he seems to think that as I only work 3 days a week I shouldn’t be tired, despite the fact that I do all the child care, all the grocery shopping, all the cooking (he never even makes suggestions of ideas for dinner) and all the ironing.
Ironically i’m put off by the digs he makes if it’s been more than a couple days in between sex which means I leave it more as I feel pressured. He then gets quite cold and sleeps in the spare room which makes matters worse. We just seem stuck in a rut going in circles. I always seem to be the one to give in as I want to be close as when we are we get on so well and I love him.
Not sure where i’m going with this to be honest. Just he seems to think i’m Being unreasonable for sex always being “on my terms” as he puts it and I think he is being unreasonable to expect so much of it?

I’d really appreciate anyone else’s point of view and any advice on how we can get past this.

OP posts:
allgirlsaroundhere · 08/03/2019 10:28

If it’s a problem for you then you are not being unreasonable. Men often see sex as love and refusal makes them feel unloved. Having said that I am not suggesting you have sex on his demand. Try Just telling him how much you love him. Also with most men it’s quite physical and they can quickly get in the mood does he realise that your head needs to be in the right place and exhaustion,having all the children’s schedules, housework on your mind means you don’t feel in the mood. Surely he wants you to be in the moment with him?? Or are you saying he doesn’t care about that?? 3 times a week is good going as well so he should realise he is very fortunate!!

Wishiweremorewitty · 08/03/2019 10:34

Thanks for your advice. I have tried explaining this to him but you’re right he needs sex to feel loved and I need to have my head in the right place. For some reason he seems to think people of our age (he is 39 nearly 40 and i’m 41) have sex at least 4-5times a week! No idea where he gets that info from. Guess I do need to try harder to forget about schedules and day to day stuff and let myself get in the mood more. Doesn’t help at the moment i’m In the middle of organising eldest daughters birthday party.
Helps hearing that others also feel 2-3 times per week is good going.

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