Men in my life

[NTMont]

I don't expect a solution to my many problems, but maybe just looking to let it all out?

The father of my kids and I are separated and I have had to take the strong step of withholding contact because there have been 3 independent complaints to child protective services against him. He keeps yelling and abusing over the phone and over text about the decision. He just does not understand that he cannot see the kids at the moment until he sorts himself out.
My partner who lives with me most of the time will not give up his apartment despite only having spent one night there this year! I have severe trust issues with him because he has previously cheated on me and he is currently ghosting me. He said he would be home at 12pm and it is now 6pm. He won't answer the phone and keeps telling me he is coming but not turning up.
I suffer from anxiety and am looking after my two kids trying to keep it together. I just need to figure out a way to just breathe...

You need to get rid of the new partner and focus on yourself and your kids. Anything less than fantastic,respectful and supportive is not good enough for them so don't keep settling for these useless men!

I agree your partner doesnt sound committed and clearly not making you happy. Someone once told me only to be with someone who enriched my life. Is your life wonderful with him in it? Sorry you exh is so awful that must be v tough for you

Your new partner is making this difficult situation even harder for you - pack him back off to his own apartment!

Your "trust issues" are actually you realising what a liability this cheating, ghosting, chancer is. That is not an "issue", that's a useful tool.

I know how it feels for things to be so heavy you think you just couldn't shoulder them on your own, and that having someone - anyone - to share the load with you is what you need. But sometimes it really really isn't. I suspect you'd be pleasantly surprised with how much easier things were without your partner adding to your woes.

I agree. You have plenty in your plate and your new ‘partner’ is adding to you load and anxiety. Get rid of him and put you and your children first.

You don’t have “trust issues”.
You simply know that your boyfriend is a cheat.
Why do you even WANT him to give up his own place?
Let me guess, because he hadn’t officially moved in, he doesn’t pay anything towards his keep for being there 364/365 days?

Getting rid of him would be the first step in breathing.

Well done on keeping your kids safe.

Now see a solicitor and get your ex warned off with regards to the harassment.

Thank you all for listening, I know how pathetic it all sounds.

There are many happy moments with my partner, but ultimately I am struggling to get past his cheating. It was a rollercoaster of back and forth with a girl nearly half his age over a period of months which left me an anxious mess. He has since cut all contact with her, but I feel like any minute he may go back to her, and I know this is part of the anxiety issue and it's irrational, but it's how I feel. I am on medication for anxiety, but disappearing and telling he is coming home at a time and then not turning up makes managing anxiety very hard. I know he is trying very hard to make up for it all and that this is the reason he spends most of his time at my place. I am not excusing the ghosting or the lack of commitment, it is inexcusable. It makes me feel like I am out of sight and out of mind.

I have begun the process of applying for custody with my ex. However because he has been careful not to threaten me, I can't take a restraining order out. He knows the law well, his game is more psychological manipulation and the systematic breakdown of someone's character than violence. In the meantime, I am just trying to keep him away from the kids.