Overthinking...

[Fluffsters]

My boyfriend frequently, as in almost every conversation, talks about his very attractive female boss. I do ask him how his day’s been, but usually he brings her up out of the blue. He even mentions her randomly i.e. ‘x’ went to that restaurant at the weekend if we’re out ourselves.

I used to work in the same organisation so know the female in question. I do consider her a friend, although we haven’t had much contact since my boyfriend and I started seeing each other. That’s mainly due to my wanting to keep my personal life to myself and not make things awkward for my other half.

I know they have to work together and don’t think they’re in contact outside of work.

I just feel anxious knowing that so many office romances can start through harmless interaction, even if both parties are in committed relationships.

Am I being ridiculous??

Not at all. He’s being completely disrespectful by banging on about another woman’s looks to you. Have you asked him why he does it? It’s rude!

Hi,

Thank you for your reply.

Sorry, if my original post was confusing! He doesn’t mention her looks. I know she’s really pretty because I used to work with the both, but no longer do.

It’s just knowing how attractive and lovely she is that it bothers me that he always manages a way to talk about her...

Oh no, sorry! Read it as how pretty she is (embarrassed).

I can see how annoying it is he keeps mentioning her. Can you jokingly bring it up next time he does it and say “yeah yeah, I’m sure she’s been here, I’d rather not talk about work colleagues when we’re out”?

I just don’t get why he feels the need to always bring her up in conversation. Doesn’t it mean he fancies her?

I’ll give your suggestion a go. Thank you 👍🏻

Mentionitis. My ex kept doing this about a teenage co-worker. He then cheated and left for her.

I’m sorry to hear that happened to you.

She’s in a long-term (ish) relationship and lives with her boyfriend.

My boyfriend and I are only three months’ in, but are committed and serious about each other.

I don’t want to mention it to him and make a ‘thing’ out of it. But equally I can’t let it get drive me round the twist...

Quick update.

Her name came up in non-work context at the weekend.

I jokingly said he had a dose of mentionitis!

He went quiet, looked a bit annoyed and nudged me as if to say ‘oh c’mon’. He then said he didn’t realise he talked about her.

We just moved on and that was that.

But now I feel I’ve created a bit of a situation where he maybe won’t mention her in case he feels uncomfortable?

Do you think I should bring it up, apologise and stress I want to be able to talk about his day at work/colleagues if he wants to.

I wouldnt say anything else. Just leave it and keep an eye on him for a bit. If theres no other weird behaviour or reason for suspicion then move on. Sounds like he might have a little crush but as long as its not acted upon...

Thank you for replying. It's good to get someone else's opinion on his reaction.

I consider her a trusted friend. I find it poor taste (of him) to have a crush one of my friends.

I feel a bit anxious about them spending so much time with each other at work as I know they do get on well together.

When my boyfriend and I got together, she was one of the first people we told. She said 'i really like him a lot and think he is a good laugh'. I didn't think anything of it at the time. Perhaps there is nothing to think!

He could be one of those insecure men who do this to make you a little bit jealous. I've been out with someone like that. I would ignore it.

Is it just the one colleague he mentions or does he speak about others and you're just a bit more sensitive to him mentioning the one you know as you deem her really attractive?

I would have thought mentioning colleagues during conversation was relatively normal. I mean you do spend most of your waking hours with them so it's only natural they might crop up in conversation, especially if it's a close knit team. From what you've said I wouldn't be too alarmed by his behaviour.