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Original poster

Boyfriend always playing game on phone

26 replies

Georgiedoyle92 · 07/03/2019 21:40

My boyfriend is literally always on his phone of an evening playing a game on there which as you can imagine is really starting to piss me off. Literally he’ll do something like make dinner but the minute it’s in the oven or whatever he’ll be back on the game. I read a lot in the evenings and he says his playing games is exactly the same as my reading - I get that both are the same in that you’re effectively ignoring your partner, but I do feel reading in bed is a much more acceptable activity (relaxing, actually enhancing your mind etc rather than staring at a screen), just not sure how to articulate this. Does anyone else have this issue and how do you deal with it if so?

OP posts:
NaiveGirl · 07/03/2019 22:19

Games have a re,actively short shelf life, give it a month and he’ll bebired of it. On the other hand perceived nagging is remembered much longer.

If it’s an issue then it’s a compatibility thing you need to resolve. If it’s a one off the game will long be forgotten in a few weeks / month.

Adversecamber22 · 07/03/2019 22:31

If your both doing your own alone activity at the same time I don’t see the problem. Please don’t go down the looking down your nose at gaming as a hobby . I game but I’m also by trade an academic librarian so am hardly a book hater.

If anyone has a hobby that means the other partner is being ignored, it’s dangerous or it’s unaffordable then the other partner has a right to complain. If not then each to their own and it’s not for you to decide what’s acceptable.

GreenBanana321 · 07/03/2019 22:33

I disagree that games have a short shelf life. My partner has been addicted to his game for the last two years ☹️ I've given up talking to him

Bohbell · 07/03/2019 22:34

Is it golf clash?

ponyprincess · 08/03/2019 09:06

I think you are being a bit unfair saying that reading is superior to gaming - both are ways to relax. You just have different preferences. If what you want is to have an activity you both like, explore that

Bookfour · 09/03/2019 00:03

Get annoyed, but ultimately do nothing

PickAChew · 09/03/2019 00:06

You're not suited. Make him your ex.

RiversDisguise · 09/03/2019 08:25

You are out of order IMO

Let the man relax as he chooses

Anniegetyourgun · 09/03/2019 08:41

If he's gaming while you're reading then YABVU. He might as well play if you're otherwise occupied. Besides, not all games are rubbish, just as not all books are worthwhile. If he's doing it when he should be stopping the peas boiling over, or when you're trying to talk to him, you do have a point. And if he's shouting in triumph or despair just as you're about to go to sleep you have every right to be miffed!

Mind you, I speak as one who was given the ultimatum of game or partner, and chose the game. I think I made the right choice.

RiversDisguise · 09/03/2019 09:18

Lol good for you, Annie

Any ultimatum about anything would see similar response from me

Anniegetyourgun · 09/03/2019 10:18

Obviously there were a few more issues! The game just brought it all to a head.

JRMisOdious · 09/03/2019 10:23

I don’t get adults gaming at all. I’ve tried, to get down wiv da kids, but it’s just so dull.
If he doing it while you’re reading though, you’re both ignoring each other so struggle to see you have a valid argument (unless it’s noisy and disturbing your concentration).

MollysLips · 09/03/2019 12:15

What game is it? I'd like to try it if it's that absorbing!

Don't nag him. If you don't like a hobby, you'll have to find a different BF. My DH lives various phone games and Xbox games. I have a million suggestions of better things he could do with his time, but it's wasted breath.

Custardo · 09/03/2019 12:18

i agree with him re: bedtime - if your reading - and hes on the phone, theres no difference.

if he is ignoring you in other areas of life in favour of the phone - that thats either an addiction or just rude

NRPDad · 09/03/2019 12:24

If its only at times when you're also reading his point stands and I think that is fine. To disagree is hypocritical - what would be the difference if you were both reading and ignoring each other?

If it's the whole evening and he is not spending any time talking with you, joint activities etc then fair enough bring it up.

RagingWhoreBag · 09/03/2019 12:43

I agree with Custardo and NRPDad, it’s not the gaming which is an issue, it’s whether the hobby (whatever it may be) is taking excessive time, attention or money from you as a couple/family. You think it is, but he sees it as the same as your hobby.

FWIW my DP loves games and has been known to get addicted to them, he spends silly (to me) money on some of them but he has plenty of spare cash so he can afford it. However, he would never let it take money away from his kids or from doing things with me.

He will play games that the kids want to join in with and happily hand over the controllers to let others have turns as he enjoys watching them enjoy it too, so it’s a very sociable thing for him.

He also said early on in our relationship that he would put down his phone when I came in the room as he didn’t want to be “that guy” and that if I found him to be getting overly absorbed in a game, to tell him and he’d rein it in. Which he has to his credit.

He deleted a game which was making him set alarms at 3am to participate in matches!! (But not before doing so several times.) Some games really get under your skin and it IS an addiction - whether it expects you to play regularly and rewards you for that, or it’s a team game and you don’t want to let down other players, they are designed to hook you in.

Maybe sit him down for an honest chat about his gaming - try to talk calmly about the times you see him ‘unable’ to put it down and concentrate on other things, and maybe agree to some time limits for either solo pursuits or shared time, to make sure you both get your needs met.

DP and I will often say after dinner, let’s have 20 mins on screens then we’ll snuggle up and watch a movie together. Even watching TV we’re interacting, our focus is on the same thing, we chat about it, cuddle while watching etc so it’s something we enjoy together.

We don’t do screens or reading in bed - bed is for two things, sex and sleep, so phones are put down (I’d like them left elsewhere but they’re useful as alarms) and I have no TV in my room (he does, and has PlayStation in his bedroom at home, but I don’t stay there so I don’t care!)

We set the expectation early on that when we’re together it’s important to respond to each other’s bids for attention (read the Gottman Institute on ‘bids’ and maybe share that with him.). It’s a really simple way to explain how important those little moments are, when you feel that he’s not paying you attention (and vice Versa).

RoseOfSharyn · 09/03/2019 13:42

I read to wind down. My OH plays a game on his tablet. I didn't see the fascination until he downloaded a new gane and asked if i wanted to play with him. Now we do that together to relax. If we both want to do our own thing though we do. (and we have a rule that we only play that game together! overinvested)

DonnaDarko · 09/03/2019 13:46

Is it mini metro? That shit's addictive 🤣

RoseOfSharyn · 09/03/2019 14:20

Anyone watch Brooklyn99? I just keep thinking of Cwazy Cupcakes.

DonnaDarko · 09/03/2019 15:05

@RoseOfSharyn absolutely love that show. I wish it was a real game!

Arowana · 09/03/2019 15:13

I think YABU to distinguish between your reading and his gaming - it's up to him how he spends his free time (and I say that as an avid reader).

But YANBU if he's on his phone when you would like to spend some quality time together. He should be able to put it down and have a proper conversation with you.

Arowana · 09/03/2019 15:15

My MIL once tried to tell me that her evening hobby (soduko) was in some way 'better' and more self-improving than reading fiction. I managed not to tell her to fuck off.

RoseOfSharyn · 09/03/2019 15:34

@DonnaDarko 'Wish It Was A Real Game' the name of your sex tape?! Grin

DonnaDarko · 09/03/2019 15:41

@RoseOfSharyn 🤣 I love those. There's apparently a video on YouTube of all of them.

fuddle · 09/03/2019 23:19

Sorry my marriage was completely destroyed by this. Long story but reading is completely different to playing games on a phone and being on a phone means you can be doing much more whereas reading is just reading.
My advice let him go on his phone but just set some boundaries as otherwise it tends to take over. It displaces other things. By all means he can play games on his phone but when it gets to the stage where its the first thing he reaches for in the morning and is playing on it when you are out for a meal and....game over.

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