What would you make of this, red flag or not?

[User3940210]

Had a great date a couple of weeks ago. Chatted for ages and he asked to meet again. Said he’d love to see me again and then maybe a few times after that. All quite sweet. One text when he got back to say he’d had a nice night.

Had a few phone calls since then, all really fun and a good hour or so.

He then didn’t follow up to arrange the second date (and neither did I), I then text him and he said he had thought I wasn’t interested in meeting. I told him I was. We re arranged for this Friday.

Today he texts and says he’s been invited to a concert with his mates who managed to get him a spare ticket last minute and that they are old mates from school and it’s all short notice. I said I feel like you’re messing me around a bit. He said he wasn’t and it was just something he didn’t want to miss. I then offered to meet either Saturday or Sunday this weekend, to which he said he’s not usually this regimented with times?! I said I was simply being polite and wanted to make sure we met as I have other things to do over the weekend and that if he’s busy not to worry. He’s not replied.

This all sounds shit but it is so so nice when we speak, different to anyone else I’ve dated (and I’ve dated a lot!!).

What do you think? Am I being an idiot here or is he? I don’t want to get invested in someone who shows red flags (been there done that) and I know now is the time to call it quits rather than a couple more months down the line when it’s much harder.

Advice needed
Hello everyone, just need some advice please. Last night when I was asleep I felt my boyfriend touching me down there intimately, I lay there frozen as wasn’t sure what was going on or what I should do. Think I was shocked really he would do that whilst I was asleep. He continued and I know he was awake as I moved slightly at one point and he stopped then restarted. I’m feeling strange about this
Am I over reacting here or is this normal ?? ?

No he’s not suggested a time but he means after a rugby match he told me about, so evening. And he’d be missing the dinner after which is a nice gesture I suppose. Having said that, I’m not fussed when we meet, just didn’t want to be cancelled on.

I definitely wouldn’t have felt messed about if he’d not failed to get in contact last time (I realise I didn’t either)

Ive not replied as I’m not sure how I feel tbh. Part of me want to give it a chance, then there’s the other part of me with all my barriers up!

Maybe it’s all a bit too complicated too early. But then I don’t want to write him off for something that could be a logistical thing. We live 50 mins apart.

I'd give it another go. What's another week out of your life? Too soon to bin it off I think but now you're awake and aware.

Sorry posted in wrong place, will remove

I wouldn’t cancel plans I had already made for someone who is showing signs of being flaky. But I wouldn’t play games either. I’d just say ‘sorry I’ve already made plans for Saturday evening. How about meeting up on xxx instead?” And suggest a day and time that suits you.

He cancelled, you made a bit of a fuss, he rearranged, and now you're not sure.

What exactly did you want him to do?

I'd go on Saturday if I was you.

I fucking hate it when people cancel plans because they get a better offer. I’d bin him on that basis alone.

He got a better offer love, don’t take it personally- you might have “clicked” with him, but he hasn’t clicked with you.

Keep going! NEXT!

Ahhhh don’t know what to think!! I’ve said I’ve made plans Saturday but can do Sunday (this is true and don’t want to cancel on my friend).

I don’t think he’s not interested tbh. I think he’s got a different mindset though to dating which may not be compatible.

Don’t cancel your plans, if a man wants to see you, he’ll make it work.

It’s not supposed to be that hard to make a date or get to know someone

Ignore people who say he's not interested. His friends will always come before someone he's been on a couple of dates with.

If he wasn't interested he wouldn't be trying to arrange another date!

Its early days you both have plans. I'd let him know you do have plans for Saturday now so what about Sunday?
If someone invites you out and they say they are busy, you'd expect them to suggest another time if they wanted to show they did actually want to meet up.
Once you have had a few dates you can sort next one out in the date and book then in early.

Too much angst early on and red flag that he is blaming you.

It feels like you are a back up plan for him.

Last week a poster commented that if a guy was really interested he would move heaven and earth to be with you, cancel everything and put you front and centre of his plans. I'm sorry but it feels like you are being played. Hope I'm wrong🙏🏼

if a guy was really interested he would move heaven and earth to be with you, cancel everything and put you front and centre of his plans

Surely that applies equally to a woman. Neither of them have done that.

Just meet up with him and stop over analysing his every action and word!

After one date, moving heaven and earth for you might be a bit much.

Sticking to an arrangement is basic good manners though, you either have them or you don't.

His reason for cancelling is fine. It’s very early on so expect him to a) have a life and b) be dating other people.

What isn’t clear from your post is whether or not he’s trying to make plans to see you again. If he is then all good. If he’s not then I’d leave it. Don’t cancel any plans for him. Just be clear when you are free to see him. And keep swiping!

Personally I think you need to wait and see. You are getting the vibe that he isn't that bothered and only time will tell. For me the issue isn't that he wanted to change arrangements but it sounds as if he just wanted to cancel and leave things vague again.

Unfortunately if the date night was a couple of weeks ago it sounds as if he has been keeping you as an option. Why? Who knows. Could be not wanting to date exclusively or genuinely too busy or whatever excuse he might come up with but whatever you are looking to date so you need to move on.

His last minute cancellation could be very true but with a mate you'd be ringing a little bit mortified. If he was very into the idea of the date I'd doubt he would have actually agreed to the gig but I'd expect him to at least be saying on Saturday can I take you to x instead. Sounds as if you had to push for another arrangement.

Dating is quite literally a dance at this stage . Put your energy into a Free Astaire not a half hearted Dad Dancer.

It’s not that I feel he isn’t interested, I think dating is not a priority for him. I’m used to meeting people who are keen to meet up and consisntlet follow up with me. I’m not used to doing any of the running

But I know it works both ways and it is early days so why would anyone put someone else first before friends and family that fast.

The thing is I would never have suggested meeting again if he hadn’t. I never suggest it and always wait to see if they do. So I’m mostly annoyed about the cancelling. Would have preferred him not to have text me at all!

I would give him another chance but I wouldn't cancel your plans for tomorrow with your friend/s. You don't want them to feel how you felt when you got cancelled on because a better offer came along.

He's just not that into you. Move on.