Emotionally abusive father

[Youmatter]

I’ve been so ashamed of this and hid this for years from friends until I had only one remaining. I have an emotionally abusive parent and I’m just so stuck. Feel like I can’t turn to anyone.

I feel so guilty for even feeling how I do. He has isolated me so much and gaslighted me throughout the years I’m scared and insecure regarding everything.

I know the answer is to leave and stand up for myself and I’d tell anyone to do the same I’m just so tired and fed up I have no fight left in me.

I set up a gofundme and I’m really hoping it may work. I don’t really know what I’m doing to be honest. I’m so embarrassed about the whole thing. I won’t post the link here as I know it’s against posting rules.

Just feel so lost. Yesterday was a real turning point for me. I don’t work after a surgery I had recently, he encourages me not to and I have no income or no way out.

I’m so annoyed at myself for letting this happen you have no idea. I feel so stupid for treating this man like god for years

Any advice would be so appreciated

Please anyone

You have already answered your own question. You know you need to leave. If you have no income you need to get advice re benefits etc. Unless are you scared of him being violent towards you?

I genuinely think it’s in him but I know he gets a kick out of the emotional abuse. He’s watched me cry as he continuously told me I was crazy, mentally unwell and unstable to the point I was conceived and went to the drs and got antidepressants. It’s always my fault.

I know I need to leave I just don’t know how. I have nothing

Women's Aid will point you towards a shelter, the freedom programme and how to claim benefits. You don't need a go fund me account.

Thanks. Sorry I just feel so alone

I know it is hard, but you just need to make the first step and access help in real life. That is the only way to start making positive changes to your situation.

You should never be ashamed of what others do. I have an emotional manipulative parent. They'll always write their behaviors off and lie not only to themselves but others. The best you can do is like you've stated move out, seek help through shelters if your financial independent to your father, there should be numbers you can call for advice and a helping hand.

Be brave. Be strong but most of all be proud you've recognised his behavior is wrong and you are doing something to get your self away for your own safety and wellbeing.

Thank you for replying. I just think it’s so sad it’s come to this.

This kind of thing you usually hear from romantic relationships and you know to walk away it’s just so hard because there’s an emotional connection, him being my dad I’m just so shocked it’s taken me so long to realise

Once you've managed to get away do give yourself a mental break and go no-contact at least for a short while.

Block and delete him from all contact and also ensure you redirect all post to yr new address so he has no access to it.

You say you don't work after a surgery...How long until you can work again? Does he have access to your bank account? It's best to leave, but whatever you do keep working so you keep some independence and contact with other adults. You need your own money.