Half sibling drama .

[Mummyof2x]

Basically I have an half sibling who is older than I. I also have full siblings the issue is my other full siblings don't really make any effort with older half siblings ,as their view is like the half sibling hasn't been a part of my life and never tried to make any effort before so don't see why I should bother .
Anyways I am in a situation where intially I interacted with this older half sibling ,but constantly bombarded with problems or their feelings of the father we share . Such as I don't care about him, if he dies he I will not go to his funeral .if he ever gets ill I will not care for him .I never liked him, he nothing to me . I explained that I think these views are unfair since it was your mother that prevented you having a realtionship with him and it not exactly like he just disappeared when you was born. My dad has constantly made an effort and also reached out by offering to drop of presents ,items and money for grandchildren and the half sibling when he could . This half sibling seems to constantly make some sort of excuse to why he cannot visit at that time ,but on the other hand claims he doesn't care . I am at the point where I don't know what to do and they don't seem to have any positive impact in my life other than moan about past situations and my father. Any advise please ? I am thinking it best to cut complete contact for now and think moving forward this may be the best idea. But at the same time feel sorry for them and it nothing personal against them it just I cannot tolerate the mood swings and the emotional issues they have . Part of me thinks it like attention seeking behaviour and when they feel like for example my dad isn't going chase them around apologising for everything that happened even though he has they have an major outburst. It would be nice to know from others if this may be the case ? Part of me thinks if these views are true , than why keep in contact with my father ?

How old is the half sibling? I think she's trying to get you against your father or if she genuinely feels this way she needs counselling and also it's best to leave your father deal with it

38 years old, they met our dad when they were around 16 years old . We didn't hear nothing from them for a while however, my dad would regularly drop of sweets or items for grandchildren and them.

To add my father doesn't know . I haven't said what been said to me I just listened to her view and kept it to myself. My father unaware of her feelings towards him , as far as he concerned they are fine and they don't have any issues or I'll feelings towards him .

Just ask the half sibling not to speak about your father to you? And to take up issues directly with your dad.

You have to understand the half siblings pov though, you didn't live their life to know how hard it is growing up without a dad around. Don't tell them they are being unfair, it's their life that was messed with

I'm guessing she spent many many years having no one to hear how she feels, years of a mother she trusts lying to her and confusing her about how her father loves her - or more to the point doesn't.
Many people live to be the victim, and even when rightly they are, they let it consume their life's and conversations.
On Mn's alone you see how rp parents are messed around by the ex but allow it to carry on for years going back and forth instead of letting it go and ignoring the fb posts and the stupid messages.
Being right that you are a victim, which she was from her father or the mother as a child and maybe afterwards, doesn't mean she should keep on being that now and ruining your relationship.
I think it's best to tell her that bashing your father isn't fair, that you don't see him like that even though you understand she does and could you both have a relationship without it, if not just go NC.

From my point I cannot cope with there behaviours and us your correct I don't know how she feels . But it no excuse to treat those around you like dirt . If she don't want to have a meaningful realti9bship I do believe and don't understand why she don't just walk away .

But I am in the middle of this . She entitled to have her opinions about him but I don't deserve her ups and downs in emotions . Or for her to act abusive or aggressive towards me than two weeks later claim she sorry and it due to her upbringing . All o trying to do is hear her out and talk about general life but I am bombarded with negative issues . It got to the point if I don't respond back within a certain time it an issue or a problem .

It than turns into an argument or an insult from her . But if t the other way around I just accept it like she busy leave her to it .

Basically I feel like I have to sing to her tune to keep the peace, or talk about her if the conversation even around her than that as far as it goes . Be available when she wants me available listen to her when she wants to be listened to and in return once you have met my needs go away. Until the next problem occurs than it like hey a y and z. I am having issues I ain't happy blah blah ...

I explained that I think these views are unfair since it was your mother that prevented you having a realtionship with him and it not exactly like he just disappeared when you was born.

It’s not nice to tell her her feelings are unfair. You’re not in her shoes. You’re in conflict because you have a positive view of your father and she doesn’t, so there’s gonna be tension there.

If you can’t deal with how things are with her then you should cut contact, preserve yourself. You don’t owe anyone being an unpaid untrained free involuntary therapist. It’s sad she’s struggling but you’re not in a position to change that. You could advise her you’re sorry but the relationship is causing you a lot of distress, you think it’s best not to have contact for the foreseeable and that you think she could use someone to talk to properly like a counsellor. And then cut contact. She’ll likely be enraged and devastated and feel incredibly rejected but if keeping things the way they are now isn’t tolerable to you then you don’t have much choice. You don’t have to set yourself on fire just to keep someone else warm, and it sounds like you’ve given it a shot. Don’t expect her to take it well but the end goal is that you no longer have contact not that you part amicably so hold onto that.

But I am in the middle of this

You’re choosing to be in the middle of this but as you’ve suggested, you can make a different choice. Unless you get something from the drama and want to keep fuelling it take your own advice and cut contact. Sister or not, someone being abusive to you, insulting you, being demanding if you don’t reply as fast as they want you to etc isn’t treating you appropriately and being related doesn’t change that and doesn’t change that it’s your prerogative to cut contact if you wish to.

From what feel I believe she doesn't like me and just sees me as someone she can use to offload her problems on than once she feel better it like c you I am busy now

I know I don't get nothing from it but canny understand why she continues talking . I don't know why I continue to let it happy by than she uses excuses and I feel sorry for her than y happens again

Just think would you accept this behaviour from a friend or partner?
I actually was talking about these sorts of people earlier with my dp, I've had some shitty life experiences but I don't take it out on people, while on the other hand family members of mine can be a rude as you like and just say ' you know what I'm like' eh no that's not an excuse.
Also you were the child in this situation too. It's doesn't ever matter how old some one is, slating a parent isn't acceptable and she needs to do it to someone else.
A sorry more than once when someone doesn't actively try and improve their behaviour is worthless.

In all honesty I don't want her to say later on I haven't tried . I have tried . I want to cut contact without any explaination ,as I know if I give her a chance she find an excuse . But than I don't than if this later become a issue if I don't.

Tell her not to bring her issues to you and keep it between her and your father. It's as simple as that. If she won't then that's enough to go low contact.

If you start giving your opinion, you'll get one right back. The best thing is to not talk about it as your opinion minimises what she went through, which only makes her more angry.

Ok . Thank you for your advice . I was walking so I hope you can make sense of what I had said, but looks like you have.
I don't like the drama ,she told me alot and yes part of why I accept it is because she opened up than it like I turning my back on her. But like you have said it still no excuse to continue with this behaviour family or not.

i could have wrote similar to you oo, my dad passed away last year and up until he got ill my older half siblings never bothered with him unless they wanted something constantly telling him he was nothing and never a dad to them even though growing up i watched him do everything he could for them just to get it thrown back in his face. now he's gone they have turned on the poor us act and are acting all hurt they werent left anything in his will (He only had debt and his animals which were left to his fiance) but listening to what they've told ppl ud think he'd squirreled millions away and just not bothered about them. I've completely cut them off and have nothing more to do with them or their kids as they're just as bad. best thing to do is either cut contact or tell them not to complain about him to you as you're not interested x

I know it like they trying punish the father constantly for something that may of not been all his fault . Like I said my dad never just disappeared and there is many people out there who would love to even know their dad so that the point I have tried to put across like life could of been worst much worst. Noone even if you both parents around hasnt get a perfect life in one way or another .You could of had a father that just disappeared when born or don't even acknowledge you exist but he hasn't he introduce to his new family encourages his children( half siblings )to have a realtionship with you what mean can you ask of someone . The reasons he don't know his grandchildren is because she kept them away and although she may not like him I don't think it fair she stop the children knowing him as it just repeating these feelings again. I have told her she doesn't have to like our dad just don't let it ruin your realtionship with your younger siblings and children and him and her children knowing him .

She letting her emotion take over and in the end that doesn't do no-one any good . Thing is if my dad dies ,due to her saying this I will find it very difficult to tell her the news. And she only going really going get this info via me as my other full siblings are not interested in knowing her anyways .

If I don't tell her I guess it be a problem later on. If I do tell her than I probably be told that she don't care and isn't interested. Like I said previously me and my other siblings have a good realtionship with our dad . The only way she know anything is through me, as the other already made the decision that they don't want to know her. ( she doesn't know that ,they don't but they expressed it to me hence why they don't talk to her ) other part of the reason why I tried to make the effort as I felt sorry for her since no-one else wants to know her.