Extreme stubborn/controlling wife! Family,immigration lawers &mental health Dr's advise pls.

[Celica]

First i am a male ,felt i can get genuine help from here.

Arrange marriage 4 yrs before, after coming to UK my wife started controlling me with emotional threats like,if i talk to my parents etc then she will leave the home in the middle of the night,initially i tried to get help from her parents who refused saying it's our life we have deal with it.
After GP advise i became assertive but she stop one threat but jumped to another! From leaving home to hurting herself,suside ,then finally beating me.
She don't work,and not interested to work,no child yet.Not talking with family or friends,she spend most of the time her own.
It comes to a time i felt i have no life at all! i Couldn't plan anything at all! (She started saying she don't like the place where we live, which is cheaper to buy house comparing to my salary-she like to move to London! where its impossible to buy even a flat with my salary!

So few months before i left her and came to India,hoping thing will be resolved,but till now she is in UK and not coming here for counselling! Its impossible to go and live with here without counselling!

I do love her and live with her for ever ,but its impossible to make her understand, she is not even speaking to our friends also!.

I thought of coming back and live separate,but worried she will show up in my work place like she did before. How can i stop this before she even thinking of arriving there?

She is in Dependent visa, if i live separate do i still have to pay her expenses? At the moment she is living in my flat ,rent etc going from my account.

Pls note- I even asked her if she don't like me and want to separate the we can do peacefully or legally through court,but she is not saying anything for that. She is note allowing either way!

Thank you so much for your patience in reading this.

Why do you say you love her?
Did you know her before the marriage was arranged?
It sounds like you didn’t, and she’s done nothing since to make you love her.

One of the happiest marriages I know was arranged (although my friend met several suitors and the decision was hers, she’d only met her husband 3x and each time accompanied). So I’m not believing that arranged marriage can’t work - though I’ll readily admit I hate the idea.

But I don’t see how you could possibly love her. Are you following an obligation that you think you should love her?

She’s abusive, I would divorce her.

But she’s also in a foreign country with a man she didn’t choose (?) on whom her residency is dependent, and may feel she has no choice (family pressure?) re divorce. Is there a specialised charity / counselling service for her?

You say she doesn’t work, can she, on her visa type?

For your immigration questions, Mumsnet is not the place for detailed and critical legal advice. See a lawyer..

Oh and “no child yet” - thank goodness for that.
The “yet” sounds like you may be trying.
STOP.
Do NOT bring a child into this train wreck.

Why does she need to go to India for counselling?

You need an immigration solicitor not a counsellor.

With mutual interest we married.Before marriage itself she mentioned she is not interested to work,so its fine.I still love her-yes! What i understood is she need help and proper advise,bcoz she is bought up in a way all her demand's are met if she ask, poor parenting!

If she comes for counselling it will be very simple! She is not going any way!Trying to live together or get divorced.

@Tomtontom....I don't mind even if its in UK, Mentioned India, bcoz she can visit families ,relatives etc during the counselling processes these things can cheer her up and give more positive results-Just my thought!

Also i keep feeling if i didn't care for her,whom? She left everybody just to live with me.But, she is not getting that.

I'm India so can understand the deeper dynamics of the cultural aspect of this
Do you feel that your wife is resenting you for leaving India?
She has already left her maternal home and now you have moved country all be it for work n stability but she is most probably feeling like she belongs nowhere if she is struggling to fit into her new place

@brownbeauty - Thank's , No not at all , she like to live here. She is not very social person ,most of the time she is alone which made things worst.

Where did you marry? Is it possible to ask the marriage official for advice?

@Gazeld.. India, No.