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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I be concerned?

2 replies

JennyJ20319 · 07/03/2019 11:35

I’ve been in a relationship with a guy for almost a year. We used to work with each other (although didn’t know each other well) and he asked me out on a date after hearing I was single. We were both single when we met (me very newly so). He’s been divorced for a few years (she left him and no history of cheating as far as I’m aware). The first six months everything was great, but then in the last few months, and since moving in together, I’ve noticed a few things that have been playing on my mind and I need to know if I’m reading into things or if I have good reason to be concerned. I overheard him watching porn on his phone when I was in the room next door. It was so humiliating knowing that my boyfriend, who I haven’t even been with for a year yet, was more interested in watching porn in the bathroom than having sex with me in the room next to him. I’m am very sexually active and seem to want sex a lot more than him so this was a real blow to my self-esteem knowing that he preferred to do that. I confronted him about it and he was really embarrassed and said it was no reflection on how he felt about me, but it's made me question how he feels about me. Then when using his phone to grab a number one day, I noticed that he had left his Facebook screen open (he has an old account with nothing on it that he supposedly never uses) and it showed he had looked up two different women on there that I figured out were people he recently interviewed for his team (now one of them works for him). Both of these women are young, very attractive with blonde hair and blue eyes. Initially I thought he was just checking what these people were like before he hired them, but he didn’t search for any of the men he had interviewed so it was quite clear that he was just having a perve. I consider myself attractive and have no problem getting a guy, but I have black hair and am nothing like the women he is looking at. Also, a few months ago, an attractive blonde who he works with looked at my LinkedIn profile, she also messages him on his WhatsApp although I haven’t seen the messages. Why would a woman he works with be interested in looking at her co-worker’s partner’s LinkedIn profile? Especially when she would know full well that I would get a notification saying she had looked me up? Did she want me to ask him about it? Make me aware of her presence? When I asked him about it he dismissed it like I was some jealous, green-eyed monster. He’s also told me that before we got together he was seeing someone he worked with and that it didn’t work out for whatever reason. So he clearly has no issue dating people he works with (I also know that she is blonde and looks a lot like the other women). There’s a lot I feel insecure about in this relationship as he told me on our first date that he did everything to try and save his previous marriage work and so I already feel like his unwanted plan B. Don't get me wrong, he is really lovely to me, he’s a good looking guy, has a great job and friends and other than this our relationship is great, but I can’t help feel insecure about this and wonder if it’s something I should be concerned about a raise with him. Am I being over the top? I feel like I'm going mad!

OP posts:
Bananalanacake · 07/03/2019 11:38

Did he pressure you into moving in quickly. That's a red flag in itself.

JennyJ20319 · 07/03/2019 11:45

No he didn't pressure it was a joint decision but can see why it looks like that.

OP posts:
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