Would you move countries for a partner?

[greenwonder]

Hello,

Have been seeing someone for 18 months now. Flew to his country (also in Europe) around once every 2 months and him the same, so we did at least monthly. When we can't see each other we are of course constantly on text/FaceTime.

I have no idea what the solution is here? I absolutely adore him...

Is it a temporary move? To see how we get on with daily interaction? What if it goes just how we hoped? Is it a whole country move? Who moves? I don't know.

I really don't want to let him go but I don't really know what the solution is? Any advice please.

If it weren't for the fact im disabled and my partner is in a country with no NHS or welfare for none national i'd move in a heartbeat for him. Instead its a 2 year+ wait til he can hopefully come here.

I don't think I could move with a partner unless we were already living together and agreed the move together. You risk leaving friends family and a job behind for a man you truthfully don't know that well.

I don't know what the solution is but it is very tellling that he's not the one considering what happens next. Have you discussed your future together I am assuming he has not offered to give up everything he knows to move to live with you?

He has also spoken about moving too. We just can't quite come up with a sensible solution. It's definitely not all me. I just wondered others opinions. Thank you

I wouldn’t move anywhere where divorce rules meant that if we broke up I wouldn’t be able to return to the UK with future DC. And/or where I didn’t have good job prospects.

I will be moving to my partners country (non-EU) once DD is old enough to be independent.

It's never been on the cards for him to move to the UK, I want to move there.

I guess in your situation it depends - does he speak both languages? Do you? How easily could he find work in the UK? Could you find work in his country? maybe spending a couple of months together in both countries would be a start so you can both get a feel of living in the others country and work out which would suit better

I'd be wanting the security of marriage before moving countries for anyone.

I moved with my partner, just depends if you want to have that adventure together. We lived together years before though.

My son is in the early stages of this, though his girlfriend is much further away than Europe. It worries me as I can't see how he could do his (niche) job over there or how she could get a visa here. I worry they'll marry much quicker than they would have so that she can come here, but also worry that she won't want to stay here, especially if they had a family. Lots of worries!

I moved to NZ with my then boyfriend (now DH) - his visa was expiring so it was move or it ended - so I moved. As it was we didn't stay there that long but that was 20 years ago and it was the right decision

l moved t the UK to be with mine as as he was disabled and couldn't immigrate to mine.

I wouldn't leave my family or my kids
Plus I have health problems which have left me dependent on the NHS

Yeah I moved to Canada from the UK.

Long-distance dated, we got married, I moved over here.

Lots to consider, op!

Language barriers
Work prospects
His family? Are they nice?
Immigration status - would you be able to work?
Climate shock
Culture shock

I think if it’s serious enough to call for a move, you’ll know. I moved from the US to the UK for my now dh 10 years ago. It was fairly clear to both of us after about 6 months that that was the right decision for us. I think if by now you aren’t totally sure, I wouldn’t be rushing into anything. Also it doesn’t have to be you who moves. I moved because my career was more transportable and it was easier and cheaper than my dh moving to the US.

How old are you both?
Do you already have children? What about him?
Do you think you'll want children together one day and if so which country do you want to raise them in?
Do you both have good jobs? Would one or both of you have good job prospects in the other person's country?
Would he be willing to try moving to your country if it didn't work out for you in his country?

I wouldn’t move to be with someone I’d never lived with before, no. Just spending time together once a month has left you in an extended honeymoon period. You need to see how you get on during the daily grind before you uproot your life.

I wouldn’t move anywhere where divorce rules meant that if we broke up I wouldn’t be able to return to the UK with future DC. And/or where I didn’t have good job prospects.

Really, it's more than just divorce rules. Most countries are signatories to the Hague convention on child abduction and you cannot take a child out of their "home country" without permission regardless of how little contact the other parent has.

I would NEVER consider it if I already children though. It's a terrible thing to do to a child for a relationship with someone who isn't their parent.

I have moved to be with a partner, it's nice at first. but no bed of roses and sometimes years down the line the homesickness will still hit you. Children with no family around to help you out. And yes, if the relationship goes sour, you won't be able to come home. If I had been older and wiser I'm not sure it's a decision I would have made and I definitely would warn someone of the long term risks before they do it.

If you do go I would strongly suggest that you are there for two years plus to learn the language and gauge the relationship and if you would be happy to remain there after the dissolution of the relationship before having children.

I did. On the one hand I regret being so far away from family. But on the other I am happier with the life we have together than the life i likely would have had alone (this was one of those instances of marrying a near perfect- for me- person or not getting married for ten or so years in all likelihood). I think it depends on whether you loose anything by moving and how goidgthe relationship is.

I agree we need to see how we are daily with each other, but how do you suggest we do that? I think I definitely need to do this before planning to officially move countries though.

His English is brilliant, my German is meh. So yes, it would be easier for him to come here.

He isn't close to his parents but is extremely close to his brother. I have no siblings, but am extremely close to my mum

There are no existing children for either of us. We are both late 20s, he's in engineering and I'm in chemistry fields.

No. Been there, done that. I'm still here 20 years later. We're married, have kids, it's alright but tbh, I regret being so far from family. I'm a lot farther than the UK to Germany, however.

One thing I'd never do is move for a boyfriend I'd never lived with with no source of personal income for me.

I'm British and my DH is from another European country. We live in the UK and we've been lucky as he's happy here. The main factors for us are:

• work: better job prospects for him in the UK than for me in his country
• family: I have more family in different locations in the UK (separated parents and lots of siblings) whereas he has less family in just one location in his country (so easier to see them all when we visit)... plus we get on better with my family anyway, his have becoming increasingly harder work over the years!
• Children: I've always said that I wanted to be in my home country when I have babies, for the birth and the early years - because of the ease and familiarity of being in my "territory" and of course having my mum and other family nearby. I am still open to the possibility of moving to DH's country in future (when I've finished having children) if we decide it's the right decision for us as a family.

Is Brexit not worrying you at all here? You neither of you have a right to move after 29th of the month, so that makes it all complicated.
I did this. I moved to his country, but I was early 20s and no kids, and I had just graduated. If it hadn't worked out, it wouldn't have been life altering. (It working out has been life altering though)