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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Advice on leaving abusive relationship

7 replies

Alexis15 · 06/03/2019 16:49

Hi I never posted on anything like this. But I am desperate for some advice from someone whos been through this.
Ive been with my partner for 5 years(5 years of walking on egg shells due to his anger issues)we have 2 kids ages 3&5. My partner rarely gets involved with them. No walks in the park or quality time, no help. He became also heavy cannabis user over the last year, i have never smoked.He has been verbally, financially, emotionally and every few months physically abusive. I tried to leave and have sensible talks with him but all i got was threats that i will never see the kids, that he will tell socials that I abuse kids and so on. Last one was that he will kill me and bury in the back garden if i leave. I finaly got the courage and strenght to leave. Got my self a flat and planning to move out with the kids next week when he is at work. I am absolutely terrified of whats gona happen when he finds out and need to hear that some of you people been there. And how did you cope with the fear.

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 06/03/2019 16:56

You need to call 101 and log this with the police. Tell them about his threats and that you are planning to leave. You can request that they are there.

Also do you have a support network of friends and family? Please tell them too. Do you have anyone who could be with you when you tell him?

Ignore the threats about telling social services you abuse the kids. But please DO NOT ignore the threat about killing you and burying you in the garden... that made my blood run cold.

Stay strong. You can do this. Well done on getting a flat sorted.

Singlenotsingle · 06/03/2019 16:58

Well done, brave woman. A friend did this. She'd put up with bad temper, beatings, the dc being chucked out - it was horrendous. She arranged to leave while her OH was working abroad and we all went round with cars and Vans and moved her stuff for her. When he got back a few days later she'd gone but he wasn't too bothered and didn't come looking for her. It turned out he had a gf anyway and got married abroad.

Alexis15 · 06/03/2019 17:50

Thanks for your replies ladies.
I am planning to go to police station on Friday to see what support I can get.
I do have friends on stand by for next week, they coming to help move my stuff and few friends will be on the phone for emotional support.
I am planning to leave him a note saying only contact me if it is regarding kids visitation.
Singlenotsingle that would be the perfect outcome if he had a girlfriend somewhere and left me alone. Dont think am that lucky.

OP posts:
NeatFreakMama · 06/03/2019 17:54

I second telling the police. Abusive partners are most dangerous when you leave I.e they lose control. Stay safe and you're very brave x

labazsisgoingmad · 06/03/2019 18:24

womens aid will be of use to you dont leave him any notes do any correspondence through solicitors good luck

Moffa · 06/03/2019 18:39

No advice but sending Flowers and wishing you all the best OP. Stay strong xx

Twillow · 06/03/2019 19:09

Please go to the police. They were an outstanding support to me when I was in your position. They will do an assessment with you, and can do things like put your phone number on a hotlist for help if you ring them, or set up a panic button at your new house etc.

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