Confused about separating from partner

[Layla31]

I’m am new to this site and just looking for a bit of advice, been with my OH for 12 years and at the start it was greayt but a few events led to my OH becoming very jealous and controlling when I started uni, never cheated but went out to lots of events with lots of different people, over the next 3 years it became a very toxic relationship and often got physical during some arguments or fights we had and I completely changed as a person afraid to speak to or look at any men incase he got upset and jealous, the relationship should have ended but we stayed together and moved into a house and then everything changed he realised the way he was behaving was wrong and showed remorse and regret and competely changed and he has never behaved like that since, things went back to normal, 6years later we had our first DD and my mum got diagnosed with an illness then shortly after we had a DS and my mum unfortunately passed away, this all happened a year and a half ago and over the last few weeks I feel like I have had a bit of a break down about it all, I now feel lots of resentment towards my OH for the past as we do continue to argue a lot and feel like my grief has now caught up with me about my mum, I’m sorry for the very long post i am just so confused about the way I feel towards my OH and currently feel like I want to separate but I am so worried that I am making the wrong decision, he works hard and is a great dad but at the minute I just feel so unhappy.

Hi Layla sorry to hear you've been going through a rough patch. It sounds like all the upset about your mum is turning to anger and you are pointing this towards your partner and finding reasons to get angry just to let it all out. I went through a very similar thing with my partner who I was with for 10 years. He would drink a lot and become a very horrible person. Do you think because you were so used to him behaving so awful, the times that you were going through horrible patches was a time to get everything off your chest and express how you were feeling and now he has bettered himself and I'm presuming you are arguing less you are not expressing your concerns to him anymore. I felt this a lot now being in a new relationship I find it hard to get my emotion across unless we are having a blazing row as this is how I used to deal with past issues. X x

Thanks for your reply and it could be that I am just taking it all out on him I’m just finding it very difficult at the minute as I was very close to my mum and confided in her a lot about how I felt and I also think it has brought up a lot of feelings of anger about the past and when we do argue we can get very angry at each other quite quickly as a I do feel like I still have a lot of resentment towards him xx

Do you have anyone else you can confide in about things?

Yes I have family and a couple of close friends but am finding this a bit difficult at the minute as a lot of them don’t know about the past as I have never told them the full extend of it all