Can i continue to do this, when there is so much wrong in it

[Moll37]

Hi all.
so heres the thing. ive been with my DH for 15 years now, married for 10. we have 3 kids. the issues that i have is something that has always been there. my dh is never at home, he works his own job which pays quite well and he only works 4 days some 3 a week.

i also work full time with a job that is not for the faint hearted and where i see some terrible things, but i enjoy it. the issue i have is that my husband is never home. i feel totally alone in my marriage. now that the long evenings are coming in i will have to sit on my won once the kids goes to bed waiting for him to come home from his little job on the side (more of a hobby i say) that doesnt pay well at all but takes up so much of his time.

he does f all in the house and when he is here he is to tried to do anything other than sit on his phone on a forum that relates to his hobby. he's never been to a parent/teacher meeting, our lives such as trips away revolve around his time. i even have to book a family hol behind his back otherwise it wont happen and he is not happy because its taking him away from work.

due to this hobby which is playing with and fixing machinary we cant have nice ie bed clothes because he cant be bothered to take a shower or to tired after been in his garage.

i have told him im so lonely so many times. he will be sorry and he will come home "half hr " earlier for max 1 week. i am at the end of my tether. we have now become roommates that share the same bed and only have sex when he wants it.

i really feel like i have and am wasting my life with him, he's missed out so much on our kids time he will never get back.

please dont say tell him how i feel because i have been for years. its more important to him to let his dad see how much of a worker he is than his own family needs.

i should have said the days he is not on his full time job are spent away from the house in the garage, only day at home is sunday which he uses to do paperwork

Well, if you've been telling him how you feel for years and it makes no difference, then ask him to leave, or you leave.

Life's too short to live with someone and be so unhappy. He sounds unfeasibly lazy and selfish, and you sound at the end of your tether.

tbh im so deflated. when i see my friends with there husbands out for a coffee, or just been in the same space as time it crushes me. i spend my time answering the kids 2 questions. what time is daddy home at and is daddy going to be late again.

im not even asking for much. all i want is to enjoy my husband company but he wont come home to make it happen. we got together very young in our teens and its not tat i have alwasy put up with it, every summer is row after row about his time. but now well im flatline..... he's a great guy and so handsome but so selfish.

Well you've got choices. You could call it a day and separate. The dc might not be happy, you still wouldn't have company, and it might be more difficult financially.

Or you could put up and shut up.

Or you could try to develop a social life of your own, find some hobbies and friends and show that you can live a full life without his input.

You are wasting your life he won’t change only you can

Hmm as singlenotsingle has said..you have 3 options..leave the relationship, but you will be in same position until you meet someone else
Accept him for who he is..at least he isnt out at the pub/ cheating ect

Or you get a social life. He will have to be home a night a week and you go out. However its his time you want
Tell him you are thinking of leaving because you and the kids feel like a spare part and he makes u feel lonley and isolated and you shouldn't have to live the rest of your life feeling this way and the children shouldn't have to feel so rejected. Tell him if he cant be emotionally and physically present with you and the children then it is better you are alone without that weight on your shoulders..that even though you love and miss what was your husband dearly you are coming to the conclusion that things will never get better and that you dont want to waste your life away feeling this way. Include doing household chores..
If that doesn't make him change then there is your answer. You and his kids should be number 1..not his hobby job
I suggest you stop cooking and cleaning after him. You are not a doormat for him to be doing all of that and then coming home to washed clothing/ food on his plate
And getting into your bed dirty is disrespectful toward you..thats disgusting and i wouldn't tolerate it. Ask him to shower before he gets into bed or sleep on the sofa.
Let him know you appreciate his hobbies and that he has his own business but not at the expense of your marriage and children
Ask him if he is happy and wether he still looks at you any more
If this does not change i see no other option sorry. There are men out there who will appreciate you

its funny how people say that it could be worse if he would be in the pub etc, its actually no different whether he was or not.

i no the thing with the bedding sounds trivial but i try to make our room nice only for him to mess it up leaving the nice clean bed smelling of diesal.
he always tells me he loves me and doesnt treat me bad but hes not present in the marriage and everything in the house and kids is my job on top of my own employment.
on the rare occasion we went for dinner i would spend all evening getting ready nice dress etc, dinner at 8, he arrives home at 7.30 showers then rocks up in a tshirt n jeans and a superdry jacket, no effort at all. even to get him to have a pic taken is like ughh pic camera away after this. it was 1 pic attempt.
i dunno im beyond giving a shit anymore.