Lack of success with OLD...

[Sunshineandflipflops]

So after swearing off OLD around Xmas time, I went back on about a week ago. I got chatting with a guy who seemed nice on Tinder then after a fair few messages over a couple of days he just stopped messaging so I unmatched with him. I have then matched with other men on both Tinder and Bumble but no messages, even when I have messaged first on Bumble and even a couple of unmatches before we'd even messaged!

I just find OLD full of time wasters and it always makes me feel more crap about myself than just being single sad

I have also 'exhausted' all options within an 30 mile radius of me on both apps! Match.com was expensive and a bit of a slow turn around but at least people weren't time wasters as they had paid to use the site.

Am I doing something wrong or do other people find the world of OLD sop fickle and disappointing? I'm not prepared to lower/change my standards just to get talking to someone.

I don't think you're doing anything wrong no. I don't have much experience of OLD but I'd say, get out and about as well as doing it. And be patient and positive - you are open to meeting someone who you like and who likes you, when the time is right - then, get up and go out somewhere real and see what else happens.

I think OLD is a total mine field. There are MANY time wasters on there, but also some genuine, decent people. Its just finding the ones who want the same as you.

Not easy, but there are nice guys and gals online. What is it that you want?

@something2say - this is the difficulty and I guess why I went on to OLD in the first place. I have lots of wonderful friends but they either live a fair distance away, are married with kids (as I was) or both so not into going out much, which I understand. Meaning opportunities to =actually meet someone are limited unless i go out on my own!

@Jaxinthebox - I don't know what I''m looking for I guess until I find it but I don't want to waste someone's time or have mine wasted.
I have 2 children who spend about 40% of their time with their dad so I would like to meet someone to spend some of that time with. Not all of it as I have become quite independent over the last year or so since me and my exh split and do like my won space sometimes.

Sunshine I think you just have to keep dating, maybe date someone outside your 'box' and see how that goes.
Its not about wasting someones time, you wont know you like someone unless you meet them and get to know them.

I guess i mean wasting my time in the sense of the whole swiping/matching/messaging. I've not made it to any dates through Tinder or bumble...only Match as guys just seem so fickle!

I dont use any of those apps, only one ive been on is POF
A friend said bumble is good for women as you have to message first.

I know it works for some people but I don’t like OLD in how shallow it is. I think you’d be better starting new hobbies and going out in your local area. I met DH at the pub and it wasn’t love at first sight and I doubt I’d have matched with him on a dating app. It wasn’t until I got to know him and how lovely he was that I started to find him really attractive.
People always hate these suggestions but I started by getting in touch with old friends to widen my social circle. Volunteer somewhere, join a local team/club (walking, running, darts, dominoes etc.) or if you’re struggling to get friends together because of their commitments maybe even get a job working behind a bar. There’s plenty of opportunity to meet new people and meet local singletons.

OLD is certainly a minefield. There are so many time wasters on there but there are also real nice genuine people. I came off and went back so many times as I was fed up with all the crap but kept going back as I genuinely wanted to meet someone. I also done the social seen but seemed to attract people looking fir a drunken hook up. If you are finding it too much give yourself another break for a while.

@Jaxinthebox - I am findig Bumble the worst as any initial messages I send seem to go unanswered. Why bother swiping on someone if you're not going to respond to a message?! I keep them brief as fed up of putting too much effort in for them to be ignored but usually a friendly "hi, how are you, would be good to chat", etc

@Doghorsechicken - I am a member of a running club and have been for 10 years but it's a ladies one and I don't want to change now just because I might meet a man (plus I look horrendous when I run so no chance!)
I couldn't work behind a bar as I have my children who are too young to be left alone at night and also work full time during the day so it would be too much.

People go quiet because they may have met someone.

I did OLD last year. Met a few guys who were nice enough but I knew I wouldn't want a relationship with them. I just got to know them as people rather than potential boyfriends and 2 I'm still in touch with but as friends. I met an amazing on OLD man 6 months ago and we're really happy together.

So I think you should treat OLD as a way of meeting new people and if you develop something with someone then even better. I think it's too much pressure having to decide with a photo and some messages whether you fancy them. So just talk to them if you think they're nice to talk to and then take it from there.

I went on 45 first dates before meeting my DH!

I went on 45 first dates before meeting my DH!
@wheresmymojo
I couldn't put myself through 45 first dates but glad you had a happy outcome :)