Husband diagnosed with..

[lulabaloo]

ADHD. Things have been strained for years, 3 children and he seems to not be able to cope. Sometimes i feel it would be easier to end relationship.
He went to psychiatrist last month after talking to his doctor, this was a last bid to save us. I'm not sure what I'm asking really, i don't no what to do. Everything seems to be about him and how i should be supporting him now while I'm left taking all the strain of the kids, working and housework.

My wording sounded super harsh reading back my first post..honestly I would not let him suffer I love him too much x

Handhold op, I split from a decent but complicated guy who had alot of issues and the relationship didn't work because of it. When at breaking point(the point of suicide) he finally managed to convince his gp to refer to a phychiatrist it took a good few visits for a diagnosis.

You dp may have issues and now you know the cause but he still needs to take responsibility and not wholly blame adhd.

He needs to accept your support and seek it from any professional who can give it too.

It's worth you seeking support seperately also. I was exhausted living with an undiagnosed person with adhd as I couldn't understand him and his ways which also affected me.

Since then my dc has been dg with adhd so live with it daily.

My dgs6 has ADHD, finds it hard to concentrate and has meltdowns. Hopefully because it's been diagnosed early he'll get all the support, love and understanding he needs.

singlenotsingle have you put your little one on medication? I don't want to but then i think if it can settle him in class and hope it helps him reach his full potential. Teacher always says his first part of his work is amazing but then looses concentration.

florenceshunger thank you for the hand hold. I'm sorry that your relationship didn't make it, how are use now that your not together?

Lula if it helped my ddil would, but she said it made him worse

I paired on this earlier but didn't say much! My ex has alcohol issues, depression & anxiety. I came across synptons of adult adhd and they fit him to a t. He couldn't remember anything - I did all the life 'admin' dwells on things, over reacts, takes every comment personally. It was exhausting to live with. I did ask him to go to gp just before we split up to see if they would take it seriously. I don't think they progressed with anything.

In the end something else happened that made me realise we need so split.

It's interesting that pp said about adulting making things worse. He apparently is now not drinking not depressed. He is living back at his parents so I made a comment to him that obviously having no responsibilities other than to turn up to work and see his dd a few hours a week suits him. It was flippant but I honestly believe that he couldn't actually cope with having to manage responsibilities.

lulabaloo we are still friends to this day as it has been years since now. We did split amicably. I was the only one who seen his struggles and believed he had them for a long time so to some degree he feels he can talk to me about it when the rest of his peers don't acknowledge it. He was mid thirties when he was diagnosed and his mental health really suffured for it alongside self medicating with alcohol for most of his adult life, which is pretty common.

He still struggles and medication has helped but can't fix all the yrs of mental suffering that he's been through .
In his case he knows he isn't in a place where he can't fit in with societal norms so isn't seeking relationships and focusing on his own self care.

My dd has adhd and asd so we have yrs of her struggles to come. Somehow she's easier as she's mine and I know her inside out.

toomanycats99 sometimes i feel my husband would be better living on his own. He gets so stressed out being with us, ends up ruining our weekends together. I'm hoping tho now he has had the diagnosis and we have set up some strategies then things may be a little more bearable. We will see 🙄

flurecenhunger its so sad how it affects them. We recently went to a support group for adhd and listening to all other peoples stories was so sad, but i came out feeling a little better knowing that its not us going thru this and there is help out there (depending where you live).
Have you medicated your daughter? My son is currently going thru the diagnosis. Teacher spoke about medication but I'm a little sceptical at the min, would like to hear from other parents. I no every child is different.

@lulabaloo

I actually think my life is easier now. Like you say i was working full time, looking after all bills etc and trying to the have deal with that as well. Yes he was depressed but he did nothing to help himself.

There was a low level tension over the house the whole time. And anything that was said he did not agree with sent him into a mood.

Do you have the mess..........he left a trail of crap everywhere that was left for me to pick up! It's a relief that's all gone!

toomanycats99 i feel exactly the same about 90% of the time. But the other 10% i think that he is trying to help himself and when he is nice he is lovely. Its just so hard.

@lulabaloo

My husband was self medicating with alcohol and codeine. He had tried to kick that many time's but was always going back. Because of dealing with that over 10+ years I just decided enough was enough.

My dd has been diagnosed dyspraxia and I suspect possible inattentive adhd as well (although there is a crossover) I really worry about her ending on the same path when she's older although I guess hopefully if diagnosed young enough she will get support and things will be different.

@lulabaloo she isn't medicated but as yet the refferal to see someone for that is long. She was diagnosed and reffered last August and I still haven't heard anything yet.

With asd in the mix it's said that adhd medication can amplify the autistic traits. She doesn't want to take it either atm as she likes who she is and doesn't want any medication to change it even if she has difficulties. She is young and it's s not entirely her choice tbf but I won't fight her, She could change her mind when she is older.