Dating a father

[GigglesForEd]

I created an OLD profile and I check it out from time. Not very active tbh due to lack of motivation, but I have come with a couple of questions lately.

I am 36 divorced with 2 little kids. I am ok with someone who has kids, but when they do I always ask how often they see their kids.

• Would you date someone who sees their kids every second weekend? Me been a mother feel they are not really bothered but maybe I am too judgemental.

• And also recently I questioned if I should date someone with Aspergers + ADHD?

What are your opinions on this?

Every other weekend and half holidays is standard court order so I wouldn’t judge on this

Regarding ASD it depends on the individual, it doesn’t define them and is such a broad spectrum. You would need to know more

I'd not date a dad because I have small DC and I dont want a blended family.

High functioning ASD doesn't bother me (this is an extreme blanket statement though - every individual is different and probably the biggest thing for me is, does the individual take accountability for his condition, etc and not make life a misery by expecting others to consistently adapt to his differences, for example).

I have ADHD and wouldn't date someone with the condition because it's hard enough being a mess myself. I couldn't cope with another mess as well. I need someone with their head screwed on, for those moments when I am over tired or ill etc and need support. Especially since I have DC myself. But again - highly individual. Noone guesses my condition because I manage it very well, perhaps there are others out there like me who I'd be happy to date.

Dont be afraid to be picky. Dick is abundant and of low value

@rvby I enjoyed your reply until this “Dick is abundant and of low value“ confused!

If it was every second weekend and one day during the week I would. EOW, no. They're a father four days a month.

@Justagirlwholovesaboy

It's a tongue in cheek phrase intended to remind women that there are 3.5 billion males on this planet, so there is no need to settle for one that doesn't fit well with you. Many women (including me) have been taught to be grateful for a "good man" when in fact you dont have to like someone just because they tick the usual boxes. Men are abundant. You can be choosy

EOW is quite often ordered at the preference of mum though

@rvby and if a man said this about a woman would this be ok?

@Justagirlwholovesaboy I assume, from your pearl clutching tone, that it wouldn't be ok with you? It would be fine with me, since of course men too should not labour under the misapprehension that they should put up with a less than wonderful partner because they might not find another one. Hth

@rvby I’m a woman who went through an abusive relationship and came out of it and recovered. Still your post of “Dick is abundant and of low value“ saddened and sickened me. Why do you think what you said is ok and normal? Who talks like this?

@rvby You need counselling or closure for whatever you have been through, if you ever want to talk pm me, no judgement

medium.com/matter/the-dickonomics-of-tinder-b14956c0c2c7

It's not a new phrase. OP, the linked article is tongue in cheek of course, but there are some potentially good insights in here about bravely selecting for exactly what you want in a man x

@rvby so something not being a new phrase makes it acceptable??? Let’s time travel a couple of decades!

Christ I can only imagine the replies if a man came on here telling another man that pussy is abundant and of low value

What a horrible phrase

I think the regularity of contact would depend on the reason for me eg. Did mother move far away to be near family making midweek contact hard? What is the relationship between him and his ex like. I think it's not as black and white as rejecting anyone who only has EOW

Thanks for all the answers. I am in Canada, and I honestly don't know what is the standard as my XH and me drafted our separation agreement through lawyers, not court, and we agreed to progress to 50/50 (newborn, etc). That is what I thought any parent would fight for, so to me every second weekend sounds as someone who didn't really care. I guess the answer is then to meet the person and see if children live far enough/his work schedule doesn't make it possible for more contact.

Otherwise, for those who say every other weekend + Wednesdays is standard in the UK, does it mean if a father asks for 50/50, is not likely to get it?

Yes standard in uk is every other weekend, one night during the week perhaps and half school holidays.