I have been in a relationship for 3.5 years. The last year has been a rocky ride due to a few issues. My GF dumped me on Valentines Day. She also told me that she had met a new man in a local pub who asked her out for V day. She refused and actually spent that night with me. She has only met this guy really recently, in the last few weeks. He is a similar age to me.
Since then I have seen her almost on a daily basis. She is the one asking to come and visit. But she is also spending time at this new man's place be it only for a short while in the early evening now and again, she's been round there a few times for dinner and a cup of tea etc. How do I know? Well, she is telling me every time.
The last couple of nights she has called me fairly late in the evening asking to come over. She has been to visit this new guy and is telling me all about this and the concerns she has about him. E.g. He won't talk about his past. He is divorced. His son smokes weed and is a total liability. She told me that she had told him that she doesn't want a new relationship atm. She actually wrote him a note to that effect and showed me. I've got very good reasons to believe she actually did that.
Also, she still stays with me overnight in the same bed. She still gets undressed and showers in front of me. She asked me to check her p*y had been shaved properly this morning. I, of course, obliged LOL. We have spent the last few days going out to places together. She bought me a gift and lunch today, yesterday and the day before.
We are not having sex atm but have had some since the split.
She keeps telling me she doesn't want to lose me as a friend, but she is behaving like we are still in a relationship, apart from the sex element.
A few nights ago we each made a list together of the things we want from a partner and discussed ways of making good. She told me she wants to see evidence that things can change in order for her to stay with me. I think that we can mend the relationship. She says she doesn't want to hurt me. She says she still loves me and she shows it by her actions. Cuddling, holding hands etc. She says she won't do anything until she has made a decision about whether to come back to me or not. She has been totally loyal all the time I've known her. I don't know if her behaviour is a guilt trip or if she is truly reconsidering.
She's told me that this guy wants to make her happy, makes her laugh (but I do too, she said). I said to her that he will. This is obvious. He is in pick up mode. He will do anything to get you if he wants you. He's going to be the nicest man on the planet.
The thing is I really want her to come back. But I feel a fool for hanging on like it's a competition waiting for a decision. Plus it is really hurting me knowing she is talking to this new guy and possibly considering going with him.
She continues to talk to him and takes his phone calls when she is at my place. Sometimes she goes outside, other times not. It's obvious that this guy is serious about pursuing her. The problem is that every time I know she has had contact with him it really upsets me and I am confronting her every time about it. We have discussed this a number of times. She keeps telling me not to worry. If I ask about him she is open and tells me things they have discussed. But just knowing there is
a new potential on the horizon is quite painful for me.
Not sure what to do. Not sure how long I can put up with this. Looking for some help.