Can you tell me what's wrong?

[namechanged4thi]

Name changed.
I'm just unsure what is wrong with me at the moment.
I have a baby, 8 months old, I'm kind of on and off with her father. Tons of things have happened between us, we don't live together.
He's just informed his family that he has a child.
He can be emotionally abusive, I'm aware of this.
Today we were supposed to go for a meal but he went and did something else instead, and I'm just sat here crying, feeling deflated. I don't know if my feelings are valid, I don't know what or why I'm feeling like this.
He didn't bother to wish me a happy birthday, he never thanks me or praises me for looking after our child. I live alone with no support and have never been away from our child for 5 minutes, he's never fed her or got up with her in the night etc.
Today we went shopping, he spent quite a bit on himself, I didn't buy myself anything as all my money goes on the rent or things for the baby. I can't remember the last time I bought something for myself or did something for myself.
I know that's part of being a mum and I'm fine with it until it gets to him bragging about all this money he has etc and I'm over here struggling.
Every time he promises we'll do something nice like go for a meal or a family day out he let's us down.
And he never says anything like, "Oh I know you look after our child 24/7 so let me come over and you take a nap" or just anything.
I'm not really sure what I'm asking here, just kind of are my feelings valid, why am I feeling like this or am I just being selfish?

He is a mill around your neck dragging you down. Get rid now while you still have insight into his awful behaviour. He sounds atrocious.

Selfish is the last thing you are! Do you get any cm from him? I bet you don't. You need to apply for it. He's not invested in this. He sounds young, immature and self centered. Get rid. He's a waste of space and he's making you miserable.

Can I ask what makes you have that impression MIA?
Not disagreeing, just curious as I feel like I'm being unreasonable most of the time

Single he does pay some but he pays the minimum using their online calculator and then says "he's fulfilling his duty"

When he’s blowing hot and cold with you, like saying you would have a nice meal together, but then he did something else instead, he’s doing that to prove to you how much he is in control of you and your emotions. And he’s doing it to give himself a massive ego boost.
While you were crying he was thinking “Great, I’ve shown her who is boss”.
So remember that the next time he is pleasant to you, he is just jerking your chain, to teach you a lesson of obedience.

But better still, walk away from this nasty mean manipulative bully, and take your baby and your self respect with you, because he contributes nothing to your life.

Oh yes! Put in an official application for maintenance from him immediately.

OP if you are having doubts about how unreasonable he is just reread your original post and consider it being written by your daughter when she's older - how does that make you feel?

If your DP is like this now how will he be in the future if/when you had another child with him and you are totally trapped?

Time to cut him loose (I know it's much easier said than done) and as a PP has said apply officially for CM.

If you decide to leave this relationship ensure your home (change the locks) and social media accounts are secure.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

I cannot believe you need to ask. Do not allow your child to see this wankstain treating you like shit on his shoe as it will affect their self esteem for life.

He's a lazy selfish greedy prick.

Why the fuck do you think duty is even close to enough?

You don't need him, you have to start seeing that.

He's a crap boyfriend and the relationship makes you feel like shit. He's not a good father to your child. So he isn't worth having in your life.

Dump him, it'll be good for your self esteem and your life long term. Plus it'll shake up the smug bastard (but don't take him back).

A relationship should add to your life, this one just grinds you down.

The bigger problem is that you have so little self worth that you can not fully recocognise this when someone is matched it.

Do not waste your time waiting for a different him to show up.

Yes I agree with everyone else, you are right to feel this way.
But don't wait for him to agree...

The thing is, if he loved you, he wouldn't be behaving like this.

Cut loose, don't waste your time explaining why to him, and find someone better xx

Why are you kidding yourself that you are in a relationship with this man?
He fathered your child, and pays some min support - but other than that he doesn’t seem to be anything more.
Why do you keep spending time with him where that falls so short of a real partnership or a loving relationship?
Just stop. File for support properly and let them do the calculation - just in case he is being liberal with the truth. And move on. Eventually you may meet someone who would want to be with you like a real partner.

And, also - you need to stop expecting anything from him - praise, appreciation, etc. I doubt that he drastically changed with the arrival of the baby - so you knew who you were having a child with. Or rather - he helped father the baby, but you had a baby by yourself and for yourself.
You’ll be OK. You already are.