DH has checked out emotionally and mentally: how do I keep myself sane for now?

[Littlestix]

I know eventually I should probably LTB.
But I can't yet.
We have a baby and a toddler and life is tough. DH will pretty much do most of what I ask of him with sighs and sulks. But he has no initiative or interest in family life anymore.
I believe my nit-picking is likely to blame for pushing him away, mainly because we are so different. I'm yet to understand why I married someone who is messy when I like things clean, neat and tidy. Anyway I digress.
In an ideal world we would obviously sit down and talk but DH has completely shut down. He has no interest in what I have to say at all anymore. I send him photos of the kids when he's at work sometimes or a nice message or a link to something that might interest us and I just get no response. He eats his meal that I make in the evenings, absorbed in his own world whilst I fuss over the kids and make sure they eat their vegetables whilst he seems to have no interest in their diets whatsoever.
Sure, he will robotically clear the plates and wash up (in a fashion) then play on his phone. Not that he will actually reply to any of the messages I've sent him over the course of the day.
He will gossip about work and colleagues and who is annoying who and how many pancakes Dan in the office upstairs consumed at lunch time, but there is nothing about us or plans for the future etc. I am currently on maternity leave.
I tried talking to him about our DCs birthday cake and party arrangements yesterday evening and he looked utterly bored as he stared at the tv.
I'm lonely and so tired with a very clingy baby and chatterbox toddler, and I get no stimulation or communication from him at all.
It's all a bit soul destroying really.
My question is: how do I stay sane right now? How do I get by living like this right now without falling into a pit of misery or erupting into a desperate rage for attention as I have done today?
I just want to keep myself sane and happy but I am feeling quite rejected and uncared for. I am sure he feels the same and posters are likely to tell me we just need to communicate and show empathy towards each other. I know this. I really do. But DH will not communicate and it's a headache even trying.
He's probably depressed as my mother believes. She has mentioned how disengaged he seems from family life at present. But I am also struggling with the demands of the children and probably depressed myself.

How do I take care of me before I break?

Get yourself a pastime or interest other than the kids. That will also give you something more interesting to talk to your DH about than the kids .
Maybe then you might get back on track as a couple rather just being parents .

Thanks Fidgety.

I have picked up some hobbies recently. I've started yoga and I go out with friends for a meal and drinks once a fortnight. I also return to work soon and I have been venturing out alone at the weekends a little

Oh OP this sounds dismal. I must admit I also thought that maybe you talked/messaged about nothing other than the house and kids, which can be a bit boring, but your second post implies that you have pastimes and friends, so that can't be it.

What does he say when you raise the issue?

Do you think it will get better once the baby is a bit older and you have some time back to yourselves? I think the baby/toddler stage is one that lots of us 'survive' and it's only once we're out the other side and get ourselves back a little bit that things improve - in my experience, anyway.