opinion on ex's new children with new partner.

[slytiger]

I have named changed as I was hoping to get a view of peoples feelings, without anyone who might know my personal story getting in the way. How do people honestly feel towards the "new" children of your ex when you have children with him too. Obviously the children are innocent on both sides, but what do people really feel towards your ex's children with their new partner? I imagine quite a few people also will have the extra issue that the new partner was the OW too, who has now gone on to have children with your ex. Does anyone resent the new family? or does it get better with time? As well as my personal situation that I don't wish to say as it would be outing, I have seen in friends lives where the families never get on. This is from both sides in some situations, the new partner/OW not seeming to like or resenting her partners children from his previous relationship. I can understand hurt feelings between adults when there is a breakup or affair, but I cant help thinking that when that transfers to the children on either side, it's a real shame. Any success stories out there or at the other end, nightmares?

I have no idea, but actually of what answers you get. I'm expecting, but we really don't know how are ex spouses will take it.

I don't really feel anything other than what I'd feel for any child I don't know! I do feel glad my ex is with someone who has a child because I'm pretty sure my son is better looked after by her than with his dad! Various women and their children/pets/whatever come and go relatively quickly though. I don't think my ex feels anything different for my stepson nor will he feel anything different when the new baby is born.

However, my partner's ex feels contempt for my son (his stepson) and our unborn baby (due in September). She makes passive aggressive remarks such as calling us "the new family" or my partner's "happy little family" I know that doesn't sound bad but she means it in a good way such as if he asks her to have their son for a few hours she's all "why should I do things for your new family" or "I wouldn't want to get in the way of your happy little family". It is rare he asks her to have her son as we have him full time she cba to even have regular contact. I wasn't the OW there was a year between us. My partner has always kept her in the loop of anything to do with her son plus told her well before we moved in together then when we were tellling family I'm pregnant.

It's sad and I'd prefer to get along or at least be bloody civil!

I think I must be the exception to the rule, as I look after my ex husbands child regularly. I'd even go as far as saying I love her.

I think it probably depends on the relationship you have with your ex. After my DB and SIL divorced they both worked hard to create an amicable relationship and managed to develop a genuine friendship with each other and their new partners. Over time they both developed close relationships with each other's subsequent children and happily provided occasional childcare for them.

I'm glad my DC are older and don't need looking after cos their dad was rubbish. If him and OW went to have a child now I would (please god make this happen) be sad for my DC but want to see him step up and show now older DC what a good dad looka like.

Its a bit weird as I feel some kind of link to the baby but also a bit eurgh if I think about it as it brings bad sad memories of betrayal. That's the truth.

It varies. I suspect it partly depends upon the nature of the split. My DD's friend has Christmas with her mum, her two half siblings and the fathers of each of the kids (all different!) I thought this was amazing actually but apparently all splits were amicable

I adore her. ExP and I had been split a long time before she was born... about 4 years. She's beautiful and clever and made my boy a big brother.

They’re just children.

Myself and dp have 2 children together, plus have 2 each from a previous relationship. My ex doesn’t have any more dc, but dps ex had another little girl with her now husband. She sometimes comes to stay with us on dsds weekends, and has been on holiday with us when we went to Disney in Florida. She’s of no blood relation Me or dp but she’s dsds half sister and that’s all that matters.

Thanks for the replies, it's nice to read some positives, it can be done as demonstrated which is encouraging and shows that a lot of people handle things in a mature way.
WaterOffaDucksCrack the hostility you have from the ex sounds awfully familiar to us.
I feel that no matter what went on in the adults lives/relationships , any children born on both side after a split should be seen as a bonus really, as its more family, half siblings for the children that could be a positive support for the rest of their lives.
The ex in our situation would rather our children hadn't been born sadly, (been like that for 15 years too) which concerns me as she is a bit unhinged
When it does go bad and there is no sign of any moving forward, even after the children have grown up and become adults, what then I wonder? My step son is an adult, and has the same attitude about our children as his mother sadly.

I had no relationship with my Dad and he went on to have more children who I never had contact with either and I don’t regret that. Unfortunately history has gone in to repeat itself with DD but who knows, she might feel differently in the future.

My ex had a little boy. I can't even remember how I felt. He died when he was four years old. I never congratulated his mother on being pregnant. I never gave her a gift from me. Really from me and not my daughter. I should have not just let my daughter vent when she complained about him, but have sat her down and told her how wonderful it was that she got to have him in her life.

Oh wenjie that broke my heart 💔

I have a rule that same mother makes us siblings, so my sisters are my sisters and my fathers children I don't know.

My children are doing the same thing. I think it takes being raised in same house in same way to be true siblings.

It makes it easier as a child not to be conflicted at all about half siblings. I had step siblings much older who lived with us in my childhood and I consider them family (but no blood link) unlike my father's 6 or 7 children who I have never met and not bothered in meeting at all.

My kids will be family with any further kids that I have but they will have nothing to do with any further kids that their dad may have. If the split had been amicable that would be different but it's not and so history will repeat itself but I'm not worried and more importantly neither are they.

L0kiWh0, I was just having a bad night. He started getting sick five years ago and there was a "five years ago" on my daughter's news feed of her stepmother saying he was sick. I wanted to reach back in time and change history, or something.

Whose decision will it be for your children to have no relationship with their fathers’ children? Yours, his or theirs?

Technically, any children either of you have are their half siblings, the situation between you and your ex doesn’t change that.

^ to flirtygirl

My ex's wife was the OW. Last year, they got married as she was pregnant with their first. We split up in 2013. It was a hard time for me emotionally: mainly because he seemed to have moved on seamlessly to another life with her while I had struggled for the first few years and single still (out of choice, had dated people I met but nothing worked out and did not really looked as felt I had too much on my plate!). I shed a few tears mostly for myself I think!

My boys' sister is now 7 months old and they adore her. One thing I am grateful for is that my boys are now 9 and 11 so they are not jealous of her. She gets presents from me/them for Christmas etc. In the last month, I have had the opportunity to cuddle her a bit and she is adorable. I think my boys are very lucky to have her as a sister. I don't have any animosity towards my ex or his wife, shit happens and we all have to move on. I don't believe in bitterness or resentment, least of all towards children who are innocent in all these! It hasn't been easy to get to this point but I am glad I have.

ExDP hasn’t had more DC yet (he’s currently single, not with OW, it fizzled out rather fast once she realised he’d left me but wouldn’t dump our DC and run into the sunset with her ) but I have.

Slightly different scenario as my STBXH buggered off when I was pregnant with DToddler. ExDP adores her. We coparent really well.

Our relationship was dead for a long time before he met OW so it wasn’t a surprise, I wasn’t all that arsed to be honest and he’s always been a great Dad to our DC.

Should add - STBXH has zero contact DToddler.

If ExDP had more DC I wouldn’t be surprised and as long as he remained the same with our DC I wouldn’t be able to find a fuck to give.

Positive story here too. My ex has since has three DDs and not only do I adore them as well, my DD with my DH is great friends with them and actually goes on holiday with them - they also stay overnight with us! They call each other 'misters' - sisters by other mothers or 'my nearly sister'! In fairness we have worked on our relationships over the 15 years we have been separated for everyone's benefit. It wasn't a mutual split either so there has definitely been work done ...

You sound like a wonderful person TwoBoysTooMany76 your children are lucky to have you.

Thank you @AnneLovesGilbert. Have shed many a tear along the way, it hasn't been the easiest. It was terrifying when it all happened (boys were 5 and 3 then and seem so little and innocent ) but 6 years on, I can see it has all happened for the best. My boys are very well-adjusted (number 1 son just got into a grammar school and we were all united in how proud we are of him!), my exH and his wife care for them best they can and I have a great life at the moment.

Really loved reading these positive outcomes, its nice to know that it seems, according to the replies that positive out number the negative situations. Obviously that could be that people that resent their ex's children haven't posted, but I am hoping that is not the case. My situation is in the minority, which is a shame for the children involved on both sides and such a waste, but can't be changed unfortunately.

AnnieLovesGilbert
It will be their decision but they have already voiced it, either way I will support them as I love my children but I hope they do stick to it.