I feel terrible !

[Dumbledorker]

I've being seeing someone since early January and long story short I want to end things but I feel so bad I cant bring myself to tell him or even know how to tell him!
Before him I had a two relationships where I was left absolutely heartbroken but I've never had to be the one who ends it before.
I know this might sound silly as it's not been that long but it's all new to me and I just dont know how to go about it. Please help

I don't know if it's helpful to say it's just too soon. There's every chance you'll fall madly in love next week with someone and you'll feel bad. Just say you hoped something would develop but you can't see it going that way between you.

I don't think anyone ever believes stuff about it being 'too soon' because when humans find love we tend to move heaven and earth to grab it.

The thing I worry about is falling for someone else whilst with him if I carry it on. That's when I kind of look back and think that the other two men probably felt this way about me and so that's why they cheated. Or am I just justifying them cheating ? My exdh was with me 10 years so surely he was in love with me at some point ?
We've just messaged now and he said hes getting out of work for an hour at 12 so we are meeting for coffee. I'm so scared to do this. He said it's his treat this time. I might get there early and buy his coffee at least.

Don't overthink it. You're not feeling the feels.

You said you are trying to work out what you don't like about him and he makes you cringe. He will probably sense some pulling away unless he is really not observant.

I would tell him he has done nothing wrong, but sorry you have not developed feelings for him. Someone else may love his unusual stories and humour so look on it as setting him free to find this.

I have become quite distant in a way the last few weeks, not messaging back as much etc. I've stayed kind but at the same time not wanted to give false hope too. Like when I've said I will meet him today and hes replied "whoop! Cant wait to see you xx" and I've just replied "see you soon xx"

This has proper put me off dating anyone ever again I cant deal with this. I'd rather him dump me at this rate. I think because I've been on the other end of it I know how bad it feels and I'm trying to do it in a way that leaves him happy but I dont see how that will happen.

You've got nothing to feel bad about. Your feelings matter. You are worth more than going on with this and potentially sleeping with him even though it's not what you want, just out of a perceived kindness.
You've done nothing wrong, you haven't cheated. Just end it and draw a line under it.
The only cruelty would be to draw it out or make him think there might possibly be a chance in the future or if you had time for yourself for a while or this/that/the other.

Hes just left. I caved. My thoughts being that we are in the middle of a busy shopping mall near his work and I would be dumping him in the coffee shop for him to go back to work and not knowing how it would pan out. Would it be really cruel to explain via message and tell him I didnt know how to tell him face to face ?

I would hate to be dumped in public. I don't think that should ever happen unless it's feared the other person will be violent.

Just send him a message explaining things when you know he's on his own and can process it without being humiliated.

Could you do it by phone then if in person is going to lead to you bailing, and offer to meet up after if he wants to talk about anything face-to-face?

He clearly can feel that something is "off" and putting it off by saying everything is fine when it clearly isn't will just be confusing him and possibly making him wonder if hes said or done something wrong.

Just call him tonight and tell him what you told us. Don't over think it. If you knew he felt like you do, you'd want to be out of it.

I've done it. I ended up messaging him

He messaged saying it was nice to see me so I apolagisd for being a bit off. I told him I wanted to talk to him and he said he was listening. He has been lovely about it and very understanding. He said he has been in the same position for the last 4 years just dating on and off and trying to find the right person . Hes basically just reiterated just how good of a bloke he is by being so nice about it all.

Well done. I expect that is a relief? I hope you find someone lovely who you are really into - when you're ready.

I never can understand why people think dumping people should be face to face. "Yeah, let's make the effort to meet up so I can be told something upsetting in public," said no-one ever.

You did the right thing. Glad he was nice about it.

Thank you I really hope he finds someone soon too. I so totally deserves it hes honestly the most nicest bloke ever. Its helped me understand too why the other guys cheated on me . It really does show that you cabt help who you love. Ive blamed myself for both of them leaving me for other women for so so long and they always told me that it wasnt me that was the problem. Now that I know this guy wasnt the problem its helped. Sp yeah he had his cringey little ways but to be honest they weren't anything ott bad. I might have my cringey little ways too. It's about finding that one person who loves you despite it. Hes messaged me tonight saying we were just two good jigsaw pieces that dont fit and will be better as friends . I'm so glad I've had the time I've had with him. After all this I've come out of the end learning alot. Its helped me move on and learn from my past. Thanks for your input too guys

Good stuff

Well done!

I hope you both find one of your puzzle pieces!

We've even agreed to stay friends and I know that's the usual "oh can we just be friends" thing but we've talked about it and feel we could actually still be legit friends. When we were together he spoke about how he had stayed friends with his ex's and they had even married and he was now friends with both them and there husbands. My friends really liked him and he was a laugh when we were altogther . I asked him if he was in love with me as I know that would have caused issues to stay in touch . He replied "ooh no no far too early for that I have my walls up too" . So yeah this is probably the best break up in history 😂

🥂🍾.

Excellent. I hope you can relax and have a nice weekend now that’s sorted 😊