Adult children of divorcing parents

[Politicalacuityisathing]

I am struggling to make sense of a situation. Married for 24 years, 2 DC (18 and 21). DC2 at uni for at least 2 more years, DC1 just finished and moving city for work. Need to sell home. Do DC still need a bedroom at "home" (with DM or DF or both or neither)?

In the context of a divorce the objective assessment of your individual housing needs will not take account of the children who are deemed adults. But as parents you can allow for this if it is affordable.

It’s a balancing act really. Your children have 40 years of earning ahead of them whilst you and your spouse have maybe a couple of decades. Buying a home to house 3 adults may not be a good investment for you in the long term. It costs too much money to buy and sell homes these days.

Peesonally, in your situation, i would get out, get somewhere small that was affordable and get a sofa bed, or a couple of air bed for when your children stay over.

I'm an adult child of divorced parents and if i go to stay over I'll either happily 'camp' in the living room on a blow up bed, or book a hotel close by if I'm taking DP/DC with me.

One of my DC had already left home when we split up. She has never had a room here. And DD2 talks about 'her' room here at home, but it wasn't the room she used when she lived here. You don't expect your adult DC to want to come home for more than the odd night here and there.

I’d imagine you/their dad need a room for your DC at uni unless their student house allows them to stay over summer (mine never did but I’m sure some must). Probably not necessary at both houses.

I haven’t stayed at my dads house since my parents split when I was 17/18ish (apart from house/dog sitting while he was away). He never had a room for me or my younger sister (13/14 at time of divorce).

I regularly stayed with my mum when visiting home (uni and when I moved away) until I bought my own house nearby. I’d have been happier with a room so I had somewhere to change etc away from mums boyfriend but if she couldn’t afford it obviously I wouldn’t have held it against her. My sister was younger than your dc so could always have shared with her when I stayed.

I have been through this and my children are off a similar age and both at uni. Whilst they may be over the age of 18 years and technically adults they are definitely not financially independent. I have moved to a cheaper area to ensure my 2 still have a room each and a home with me for however long they need it going forward. Looking to the future if they ever have children I would like to be able to accommodate them for over night visits. My ex chose to re house himself in a very expensive area with no space for them a few years ago.

Thank you all. So helpful to get views.

I am sort of surprised more people don't think they need a room at all but things are so different now. Crimsonlake I agree I can't quite see them as financially independent yet. Thank you again.

hazey really appreciate your thoughts and so reassuring to hear your balanced understanding.

My ex and I split up almost 4 years ago, sold the marital home (which was going to be sold anyway) then I got a 4 bed house as I was having the children with me (then 15, 17 19) and he moved into a flat. Now I have to downsize as the financial order (which paid the mortgage) is coming to an end. But I will still be buying a 4 bed house - my 23 year old is in the forces but comes home every weekend, my 21 year old is at uni in London and doesn't intend to come home but I want to give him a room to come back to! 18 year old still needs somewhere to call home. I don't feel hard done to by my ex at all - in fact, going by the stories on here I've been very very very lucky.

But as a mum I still want my children to have a room/house to call their home until they get their own places. So I will be getting a much smaller 4 bed (and feel incredibly lucky to be able to afford to). My ex has now moved in with his fiancee without even considering whether our offspring would need anything!!

Thank you for that view Blobby.

Op things are not so different now, in fact they are worse for young adults trying to make their way in life. I have not had it at all easy with my ex, we went to court 8 times and I self represented during 5 of those. I fought to the bitter end to get what I have now, a fair financial settlement which would mean I could still provide my sons with a home until they need it. I do not have much and am struggling to find a full time job. Yes I now own my home outright, but not in the area I would choose to live and bills still need to be paid. These were the sacrifices I wanted to make to ensure they still knew they had a home to come back to.