Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He won’t accept it

28 replies

BellaBum1984 · 04/03/2019 19:46

Over 4 weeks ago, I told my partner of 10 years, that I no longer feel the same about him and that we need to make plans for him to move out. He lives with me and my 2 children

This is not been a rushed decision. And we have tried to work things out since he cheated on me 2 years ago. It just has never been the same for me. He told me it was for the best as he knows I don’t feel the same anymore.

The only thing is I am constantly having to remind him that I no longer want to be in a relationship with him - he tries it on with me and when I say no he says that I am out of order. There is more I could go into ConfusedConfused

I’m an anxious mess atm due to ongoing health reasons and this home situation is amplifying it all - I feel it’s going to be one dramatic, confrontational and nasty break up which I’m fully trying to avoid x

OP posts:
Nnnnnineteen · 04/03/2019 19:59

Whose house is it?

LuckyLou7 · 04/03/2019 20:02

You're going to have to tell him in no uncertain terms to sling his hook - assuming the house is yours.

IvanaPee · 04/03/2019 20:04

What are these plans you’re talking about?

HE needs to make plans. You just need to move on with your life with your dc.

Tell him he’s to be gone by Friday and if he’s not fully packed up, you’ll pack the rest of his stuff and leave it on the doorstep.

You say he moved in with you and dc so I’m assuming it’s your house? If so, change the locks Friday.

IvanaPee · 04/03/2019 20:04

What are these plans you’re talking about?

HE needs to make plans. You just need to move on with your life with your dc.

Tell him he’s to be gone by Friday and if he’s not fully packed up, you’ll pack the rest of his stuff and leave it on the doorstep.

You say he moved in with you and dc so I’m assuming it’s your house? If so, change the locks Friday.

Original poster
BellaBum1984 · 04/03/2019 20:17

My house and the plans for him moving out as in finding a place to live. I’m too soft... I just don’t want any drama especially as it’s my sons 18th birthday at weekend

OP posts:
ResistanceIsNecessary · 04/03/2019 20:37

It's your house and he was told 4 weeks ago. So you tell him that he needs to be out by this Friday. Where he goes is up to him.

He's had a month to sort something out so it's his look-out if he hasn't. And if he "refuses" to accept it, then point out that if his stuff is still here on Friday, it will be placed outside the house and the locks will be changed.

LuckyLou7 · 04/03/2019 20:45

Tell him you want him out by your son's birthday. Stop being soft. He's had a month. Off he goes. Tell him tonight, he has 4 days to find somewhere else.

BumbleBeee69 · 04/03/2019 21:28

pack his stuff for him. Flowers

MrFartPants · 04/03/2019 21:43

So a 10 year relationship and he can sling his hook in 4 weeks?

I'm assuming everybody would be OK with this and give the same response if it was his house and he told you to be out in 4 weeks?

He DOES need to make plans, but 4 weeks isn't particularly long.

ResistanceIsNecessary · 05/03/2019 08:12

The house isn't his and neither are the kids (by the sounds of it).

They aren't married, so he has the same rights as a lodger. Plus a 10 year relationship doesn't mean that they have been living together for that time.

And yes, I would absolutely back him up if the situation was reversed, if OP was refusing to accept the relationship being over and sexually harassing him in his own home.

4 weeks is enough time to sort out somewhere else to go - his parents, mates, a new rental with a stopover in someone's spare room to bridge the gap...

If he was so concerned about his security of tenure, then perhaps he should have thought of that before he shagged around?

IvanaPee · 05/03/2019 08:18

He’ll ruin your son’s birthday. He’s had plenty of time to move out.

Stop mothering him!

NotTheFordType · 05/03/2019 08:21

He's taking the piss.

Next time he tells you you're out of order, tell him he's a cunt.

sheldonstwin · 05/03/2019 08:25

I am afraid that it looks as though you are going to get some kind of 'drama' from what you're saying. It looks as if you're going to have to make some plans in order to successfully remove him permanently. There's some really excellent advice on many threads on MN - I have learned a load of stuff from here.

I recommend that you read around some stuff on here (bearing in mind everyone's case is different etc etc). Seek legal advice, maybe start with Citizen's Advice.

Your soon to be Ex thinks you don't mean it. He thinks he can coerce you into taking him back. The 'trying it on' signals he thinks he can control you. Have you realised yet that you have no earthly way of removing him peacefully? As I said before, get advice. Also, tell friends, and start organising yourself in preparation.

Decormad38 · 05/03/2019 08:29

My X dawdled and wouldn’t go. I think he thought I would change my mind and it turned nasty. He needs to stop dawdling and you need to be firm.

Ameliant · 05/03/2019 08:30

Surely he's had 2 years to get used to the idea that he might have to leave. That plus over 4 weeks when he's known for definite.

He's using your niceness against you, do your children know what the situation is? How do they feel about him?

Musti · 05/03/2019 08:30

It sounds like he thinks you'll change your mind. Tell him a date he's got to be out by. He had time to cheat, he'll have time to find somewhere else to live. Not your problem.

theworldistoosmall · 05/03/2019 08:33

Give him a deadline to sling his hook.
Stop doing anything for him.
Tell him he is sleeping on the sofa/spare room until he slings his hook.
When he says you're bang out of order - no actually you are because you are still here.

IvanaPee · 05/03/2019 12:07

And meanwhile he’s still pressuring you for sex.

Ffs! Get him out!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 05/03/2019 12:20

He's had 4 weeks notice and he's still there?!?!

Just taking the piss.

Time to toughen up and get him out. I really hope you're not still sharing a bed.

Give him a firm deadline: this weekend.

MulticolourMophead · 05/03/2019 16:26

Same as the others. He's had 4 weeks to fidn at least temporary accommodation. He's still trying it on, so clearly he thinks you don't mean it.

It's your house, given him a firm deadline (4 days, get him out before the birthday), or his stuff is packed and outside.

Also, change your locks. You can just change the barrel I understand, for a small cost, but do change them, as you never know whether extra keys have been cut.

Shoxfordian · 05/03/2019 16:34

Give him a date to leave by, tell him he's leaving then
Don't take any shit op

XiCi · 05/03/2019 16:45

He will absolutely ruin your sons birthday, make no mistake about that. Please get him out ASAP. The way he is trying it on all the time sounds like you are not safe with him there, especially if alot of drink will be involved with your DS party

Original poster
BellaBum1984 · 05/03/2019 18:51

Thank you so much everyone I’ve told him out by Friday. I have purchased new locks and a friend has shown me how to change them (I’ll change them once he’s left) My brother is also going to come and stay with me over the weekend. After reading everyone’s comments I knew I had to bite the bullet and also opened up to family and friends this afternoon. I didn’t want to be so harsh but after another sexual advance I knew what I needed to do for my own self respect - fingers crossed no drama.

Oh and my children are aware as I have also spoke with them today - they just want to see their mum happy

OP posts:
IvanaPee · 05/03/2019 18:52

Really pleased for you! Hopefully he goes quietly with your brother there. Well done Cake

Twisique · 05/03/2019 19:45

I would pack up his stuff and put it in bags and boxes in the shed or garage. Start making things very clear. No washing, no food.

Swipe left for the next trending thread