Is it cheating? ://///

[Firstmom264]

Hi everyone!
So I’m gonna try and put in as much info as I can without going too off topic!
But basically... I’ve been seeing this guy for around 8 months. We clicked instantly and when we’re not arguing we’re perfect. He tries his best to help out with my son (he’s 3) and makes a lot of effort with me... dates, cooking, housework etc.. we’ve had a few arguments in the past about his drug issues... he smokes weed and takes cocaine on nights out. I’ve told him I don’t like it, I don’t agree with it and ultimately I could never trust him around my son on his own. He’s called me names before, lied about when he’s took drugs but silly me has always took him back. Anyway... the weekend just gone I went away to Liverpool with a girl friend for the weekend. We went clubbing, drank a lot and just had a good laugh.
The guy I’ve been seeing told me to ring him both nights to let him know we were safe and got back to the hotel alright. I did ring him both nights and kept to my promise. I saw him yesterday and he asked to look through my pictures/videos from Liverpool which I was fine with. However, there’s a video of me and my girl mate kissing. Nothing major or sexual. It was just messing around being silly and he flipped out. Called me a slag, I’d broken the trust, he’s disgusted in me etc.. but at the time I just thought it was harmless. It turned into a big argument and as a result he blurted out that the whole weekend I’ve been away he’s been doing drugs but he says what I’ve done is worse as a result, he said he doesn’t want me anymore and he hasn’t spoken to me since yesterday.
I told my friend what had happened and she said he’s over reacting. I do genuinely feel bad. I didn’t think it would cause any harm or upset but he’s obviously very angry about it. My question is.... what do I do now? Do I try and speak to him or do I leave it? I’m very confused about the situation and don’t know what to do with myself.
Any advice is very welcome! Thanks

He sounds hideous, kick him into touch

Well if we apply the normal MN standard it’s completely fine for him to go through your phone because only people with something to hide would be bothered . As it happens he did find something so he was obviously justified ( and If we’re applying the rules fairly then why is your “non
Sexual” kiss ok? )

Personally I wouldn’t have an issue with it but as other people have said he seems extremely controlling ( just concerned for your welfare obvs). Just the fact that he does coke and you don’t like it is enough to say you’re incompatible. Save yourself a ton of future heartache and forget trying to get him back - he’s got loser written all over him.

I'm with @fikel

I’m confused as to why you stayed with him longer then 24 hours
Same here.

He sounds truly horrible, OP, and not someone you would ever want near your child. He's doing drugs, fgs! Not to mention nsme calling, lying and just being a dick in general. I honestly think you owe it to your child to get rid of him.

*name

For goodness sake - get some standards. You should not be allowing a mannlike this anywhere near your child. He's a druggie, controlling, and abusive. As a parent, your responsibility to your child is bigger than your desire for a man. When they are so self-evidently this much of a wrong-'un, you should not even be do siderkng having him in your life. Put your kid first.

Oh, and yes - if you full-on snogged your friend, then you cheated. But, in the grand scheme things here, that doesn't really feel like the issue.

Yes, I'd say it's cheating.

But I'd also say, leave him alone, you are much better off without him. If he comes back to you, be clear that you are done.

And maybe think a bit more about who you bring in to your sons life in future.

In response to your question. No I wouldn’t class it as cheating unless you are sexually attracted to your friend.
I will second what everyone else has said though in that this guy appears controlling. In 8 short months he’s shown you he’s a habitual drug user and is controlling and monitoring your every move. You have had a lucky escape by the sound of it. My guess is that he will come crawling back! Don’t fall for it!

My wife and I haven't had a serious argument or called each other names after 14 years together.....fuck being like the after 8 months.

Can't you do better than this loser ?

Run as fast as you can. Red flags everywhere

Why are you letting someone that does coke and weed around your son?

Fuck sake. Sort it out. Bin him off and find someone that doesn’t do drugs.

Really? You wrote all that out and still aren't sure of the answer? Seems almost unbelievable.

as a result, he said he doesn’t want me anymore and he hasn’t spoken to me since yesterday
Thank god. You've dodged a big fuck off bullet with this one.
Now block him and keep him well away from you and your son.
He's a drug addict.
Admit that to yourself and keep your son safe!!!!
You deserve far better and so does your son.

So he's an abusive foul mouth druggie? A Prince among men clearly OP. You need to set higher standards for yourself and more importantly your DC.

You did nothing wrong kissing your friend. It’s a non issue.

Trust me, I have experience with drug addiction in my family. The drugs will always come before you, no matter how kind he is when he’s not using.

You dodged a bullet, and you didn’t even have to do it yourself.

Another stupid woman allowing a man like this into her kid's life, I despair