Change in Girlfriend's Phone Behaviour - Early Warning Signs?

[Gant71]

Hi there

Apologies for the new account, but wanted to keep this separate

My GF and I have been together for a couple of years in a committed, exclusive relationship and living together for the last 8 months. We both have trust issues based on admitted bad behavior from both previous relationships and we are pretty open on discussing these and making sure we keep 'close' on them regularly.

Very recently, I've started to see signs / small changes in her behaviour that I think are suspicious based on my own experience (and hers too)

Essentially, she's started being a bit more guarded with her phone - turning it slightly away when typing stuff out when on the couch, taking it to the loo with her when going for a pee and closing the door (she never used to) and yesterday (Sunday), going for a pee for the second time in 20 minutes, taking her phone, closing the door and not peeing (it's easy to hear) and then 15 minutes later going into the loft to look for some stuff (which I agree she needed to do), taking her phone with her and then no movement up there for 10 minutes....

Everything else - communication, sex etc. is all the same.

So, should I be concerned? If so, bearing in mind that she's very good at sounding plausible shall I discuss now and tackle it early on or wait and see, in the assumption that if there is anything untoward going , it will get harder for her to hide it?

Any advice would be appreciated.

Go with your gut and ask. Good luck!

Keep your powder dry for the moment. She'll just get better at hiding it if there's anything dodgy
Alternatively, when you see her doing this again ask to borrow her phone, say yours isn't working, her reaction will tell you everything

Trust your instincts here. Sounds proper dodgy

She is def upto something, whether it’s innocent is more difficult to ascertain

Instincts are often right in my experience. Just speak to her or you'll drive yourself crazy. Chances are it will ease your mind. Good luck x

Not OK OP.
This is how it starts - as you know.
Challenge her and ask to see her phone, there and then.
Her response to this request will be all you need to know.

Thanks for the speedy responses. I know from what I've read that it's a common theme in these situations that instincts are usually right and I think I know that this looks pretty dodgy - mine are usually pretty good in most situations but I have been proven wrong with her on a couple of previous occasions (though this 'phone' scenario hasn't come up before) We've both never asked to see the other's phone and I think if we did, then that would break the trust we're working on showing to each other, but then, if she's breaking / broken that already then WTH right?

It is going to drive me nuts and I don't want to start seeing stuff in her every action, but my reaction now is to wait and see if it continues and/or if anything else starts to show

Well she's definitely hiding something. Not necessarily a new sexual interest, she could be arranging a massive surprise party for you, or slagging you off to her best mate. But the first scenario is certainly the more likely, unfortunately.

Hehe. Definitely not the party option, that's not either of our styles and the girl-chat is not really her either. #1? Well, she has history.

I'll give it some time. It'll show up if it's happening and I do know what to look out for...

My partner has asked me a similar thing once because apparently I was being more guarded with my phone one night.

I was actually just really invested in a MN thread about annoying things your partner does and didn't want him to see 🤣

Seriously though OP, you know your DP better than us. If you feel comfortable asking then I would. It doesn't automatically mean the worst every time but I agree it sounds suspicious and I would be curious too.

OP let your battery die on your phone & ask to borrow hers. Don’t go snooping through it, but do take your time to look at whatever it was you needed to borrow it for (restaurant looks good, do you fancy it? I wonder what they do..Can you pass me your phone please so I can look at the menu?) & watch her reaction.
FYI I’ve never had to do this, I’m just terrible at keeping my phone charged up 😂

That's not a bad idea... borrowing her phone would normally be odd, but that is a plausible reason for us I think

It's a good point, she could be surfing something quite innocent, but just doesn't want me to see (and I have no issue with that). It's out of character though which I guess is what sets my radar off..

Yeah that sounds ropey....

Don't ask, you'll never find the truth that way.

All exactly the same things that happened with my ex. Was easy to pick up on the signs in the same way you have. The big ones for me was when she got drunk one night and so was less guarded with her phone - saw a number not saved in her phone contacts with a load of hear emojis and kisses.

She dumped me three weeks after I called her out on it and couldn't stop herself as I had to keep calling her out about it which showed she had lost respect for me. Went no contact immediately after she ended it but I'm 99% certain she was emotionally involved with someone else and ended it with me soon after or just before it became physical.

Does she use Whatsapp? Have you noticed her 'online' a lot of the time? That's usually a big giveaway if she's supposedly doing things in the loft, etc.

She does use What'sApp and TBH, I haven't watched her 'online' status. I'll keep an eye on that

Do you message her on WhatsApp much? Try messaging her and seeing if she's reading your responses. If she's showing as online but your message ticks haven't gone blue, she's messaging someone else rather than reading yours.

@richdinero - I'm kinda hoping these are early signs. I'm not one to go checking on her phone and it's rare anyway that she leaves it laying around

Checking the phone I think is a moral grey area, but if there's more evidence builds...

@closetbeanmuncher - one of her things from her past was "never admit anything" so I'm not sure confronting would get a truthful response if something was going on

I couldn't bring myself to check my ex's phone either even though towards the end it was killing me and making me want to just to know whether or not my suspicions were correct. When I eventually asked her she just said she was a very needy person and showed me her imessages and said that no other men text me - I knew full well anything would have been in whatsapp but I didn't want to lose her so accepted it.

The next three weeks were hellish as her whatsapp use intensified and she would be online for hours on end and any messages I sent her would go unread for hours. She eventually dumped me by text after I had been away for a long weekend which makes me think something happened then with whoever she was messaging.

Yeah you'd probably get a straight 45 mins of "no comment"

She doesn't sound very trustworthy in fairtness.

Personally if I was this suspicious with a person like this...I'd just end it. I can't be dealing with the headache.

If you can be this suspicious of her I'm not sure you two are suited. Is there any reason you're staying with someone you dont trust?