Father does not want the child

[mello0h]

Hi, I'm new to this but I have been stewing over my situation for such a long time and I could do with any advice.

My (now ex) boyfriend and I have been very good friends for 2 years before we started spontaneously dating. It was all very intense and he had said he had fallen in love with me after a few weeks.

I then fell pregnant.

At first he was supportive and romantic about it, talked about moving in together etc.

But randomly he did a 180 degree change in his opinion. Asked me to get an abortion (never going to happen for me) and has said i've taken his consent away, forcing him into this life.
Hes gone from being loving and caring to insulting and cruel.

He is now saying hes over it, but he is cold and doesn't have anything to do with the pregnancy or me - but will do the 'responsible thing' when the child is born.

Im not sure how I can help him see that this child is an emotional thing, and is his.
I don't know whether i should tell him I dont want him involved as hes emotionally draining me. With his words and also the whole break up.

I dont know where I can stand in terms of control over the situation, and I cant get through to him on any form of emotional level

Any help would be appreciated- sorry its so long!

Calling you names by proxy..if he does it again tell him you will discontinue contact
And you both made this baby
Other replies here have overreacted to your post. A heated conversation where he called u names once is disgusting..if it hasnt happened again then i would not cut him off but make it clear you will be calling the shots and that you welcome financial contribution ( kids are expensive) and emotional support for your child with a third party to start

There is no stigma to having no fathers name on the birth certificate . It’s not 1950.

Sorry i noticed you said you were good friends for 2 years prior to your pregnancy. He must have been a good friend. Get yourself some space during your pregnancy and talk to him later on in the months ahead. His outlook may have changed

@IMOGEN i beg to differ. I work with underprivileged children and it affects some of them deeply. I also know adults in their 20s and 30s who hated not having their fathers name on their BC which caused problems finding their fathers. It might not be stigmatising for you, but it is for some others . Everyone is different

and that you welcome financial contribution ( kids are expensive)

He's legally obligated to pay to support his child, it's not an invitation or a 'welcome'.

He's insulting and cruel. She's pregnant and carrying his child so he's really showing his true colours now.

There's no stigma to not having his name on the BC or to the child, either.

FFS, we don't know if the OP is deprived and here's a newsflash: you can change BCs. They are not carved in stone! Her focus needs to be on herself and the pregnancy she's carrying not, not on some immature twat who told her to get an abortion and is being insulting and cruel.

Last time i checked someone insinuating you were neurotic isnt a basis to deny a child a relationship with the father
Yes his asking for an abortion was cruel..but he has since said he will " do the right thing" so if he is going to be doing the right thing why would she deny her child a relationship with the father and him his son ????? What the hell? Sorry its women like the ones in these comments that give us all a bad name
He was her friend.very.good friend for 2 years so clearly wasn't a bad person
So he made some shitty comments? Does she then get to deny him his child? Regardless of wether he suggested an abortion
I don't believe in abortion but he has a right to ask..she said no, rightly so and he was a dick after
.and was cold but OP is more pissed he doesn't want to be with her or look after her bump .
She shld get some space to herself. And let him do the contacting. I wouldnt deny contact. If he took her to court she wouldnt have a leg to stand on.

Ops post does not read like she wants to punish him, did banana1979 read the same thing I did??

It about the father being cold, mean and rude. He has said and done horrible things, one off or not. The op did not say.

Either way he would need to prove himself before I'd let him be involved in my child's life. The worst thing for a child is not a blank space on the bc but a so-called father who comes and goes and wafts in and out of the childs life.

Many have said the op needs a peaceful calm pregnancy so she should go nc and they are right. Op your health comes first, look after yourself and look after the baby.

Naming him on the birth certificate gives him parental responsibility, which means he would be involved in decisions about your child's life. Holidays abroad, schools and so on. So if you needed to move for work he could object, for instance. But if you're not married he would have to accompany you to the registrar to put his name on the bc. I'd say don't do it given the way he's now treating you. This does not affect your right to claim maintenance for your child, nor does it mean your child couldn't eventually have a relationship with its father. If he changes his attitude he can apply for parental responsibility.

As I think pps have said, be prepared for him to actually do another about-face regarding wanting involvement. My (now almost 4yo) dd’s dad did the whole angry/get an abortion thing, then decided he wanted to be involved, then decided I was a crazy bitch and disappeared, then declined any contact with her when I let her know she was born and occasionally got in touch eg at xmases. I suspect that being with his new younger gf was a factor in this but mainly he was a TWAT the whole time and he flip flopped so badly and showed such immaturity that I ultimately decided to stop trying to contact him again. He’s never paid a penny in child sjpport because he manages to keep his earnings so low and lives off his partner. My god I am well shot of him and so is my dd.
Do this for you, don’t expect it to be easy but honestly in the future you may look back and marvel that you even cared what this man child wanted or thought.