This is what happens when I date - is this just the way it is?!

[Anotherdate11]

1. Meet people who are keen to meet again but I’m not massively interested in. We go out maybe two or theee times at their instigation and I give it a chance but I’m ultimately not bothered. Stop seeing them.

1. Meet someone I like (happened only twice) and they are keen to meet but I fail to be as casual as I am in scenario 1 and I then feel almost clingy after a couple of dates and worry if they like me. Both times I’ve felt frustrated and felt they weren’t as interested as me, although as with scenario 1, they instigated meeting again.

Am I doing something wrong....

Hi. You're not doing anything wrong. It's normal to feel more invested in the ones you actually like. And it's this that causes the angst. You're not bothered about the others, so can afford to feel relaxed about it.
I can relate 100% to how you're feeling, OP!

I think it’s human nature, to want the things we can’t have.

Men seem to respond well to women being aloof with them but, can sniff out neediness from a mile off!

It’s so frustrating

I really liked this one too. Why is it that the other god knows how many pursued me over and over and this one is more aloof!

I found that when it's the right person, it's easy and there are no games. Just keep being yourself and plodding on.

It’s disheartening .....

Maybe your attachment style means that you are attracted to people who are not as obviously keen on you? You may have a subconscious belief that they are more valuable and desirable because of this

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachmentinn_adults

Definitely feel like that.

This man was keen though initially and now seems to have cooled off

Could be me overthinking!

Yeah it's pretty normal to have this happen. Might help to have some boundaries in place for yourself so you don't overinvest. I read a book recently...why men love bitches. The author doesn't mean a bitch bitch but someone with firm boundaries who is still polite and kind. It's been helpful to me to see how I relax all my boundaries for men I like which isn't actually useful

The only other tip I can give is...When they cool off, step back yourself, don't try to close that gap. If you pursue and they respond in my limited experience it just draws out the disinterest. But if you step back like they are....they sometimes put an effort in again and it's more promising

supercali- I just read this book too. Highly recommend!