Just found out DH is having an affair - need advice.

[LadyDowagerHatt]

I’ve just found out my ‘DH’ of 14 years, together for 23 years is having a full blown affair - text messages talking about the last time they were together, and about the next time (Thursday when he said he was going away with work). I’ve confronted him, he is denying everything (obviously!) says it’s just banter but it’s clearly more than that - I’m pleased I sent the text messages to myself from his phone so I have them and can’t be fobbed off. They even said they love eachother.

Anyway my head is a mess at the moment. Obviously I am not planning on wasting a moment more of my life with the bastard so I’m looking for advice on what to do next practically. He is sleeping downstairs, I’ve told him it’s over.

We have 2 children who are 8 and 5 and have a joint mortgage, joint account the lot.

Sorry and no advice really but just a bit of a handhold until someone who can give you great help and advice comes on

Why do men do this!

See a solicitor and get legal advice on divorce. Yours would probably be on the grounds of adultery or unreasonable behaviour.

Sorry op. Stay strong.

OP - do you know this thread has posted twice ?

Thanks all.

I can only see it once in relationships? I originally posted in AIBU but asked for it to be moved so that met be why.

I posted this in the AIBU thread too.

Information is empowering. And will limit his power over you.
If possible find some friends/contacts that divorced well. Ask them for lawyer recommendations.
Get appointments with recommended lawyers. 2 reasons for this. It's important to find a lawyer you can work with. I got lucky with no 4. The other reason is if you've seen them he can't use them.
While waiting for appointments get all your and his financial information together:
Tax returns
Bank accounts
Salary slips
Savings accounts
Investments
Life insurance
Pensions
Mortgages
Debts
Assets
Get the house valued
This will enable a lawyer to tell you what you might reasonably receive.
Divorce for unreasonable behavior as cited in your op.
50:50 childcare is normal but sounds unlikely. There are sites like entitledto that will tell you what you might be entitled to from the state. There are also maintenance calculators.
Write 2 lists in terms of kids, house, cars, maintenance etc:
What you'd like (copy to lawyer)
What you'd accept (private)
Do not tell him what you are doing. Just get on with it quietly. The more of a head start you have the better of you will be.

Gosh, I'd be devastated too, my marriage is very similar, without the affair bit (I Hope!) and this would be awful

Please see a solicitor ASAP and get them to be your support for your finances and your life moving forwards. Then get a close friend or relative to be your emotional support

Good luck - don't let the fucker get your down, get cross and get your finances and housing etc straight