What seems to be the problem...

[springdaf]

So... little picture for you
Have been with dp for a little over two years, live apart, plan on living together when we can due to both having children and not in a position to buy a place together or move into one another's... it works how it does for now and we are both very much together and in love .. we speak about marriage and the future...
Today we pop and see my brother who has said he's going to ask his gf to marry him, ask what a place was like we visited last year... to which I said was amazing, romantic and beautiful.. as it was ... after leaving about an hour or so he text to ask if I could help him look at flights and accommodation as he'd like to go there to pop the question... I'm with other half at this time so read the text and said awww how sweet... he got REALLY arsey , said let him book his own fucking flights, that's our place, tell him to piss off.. (out of character for him ) he was really quiet thereafter, I didn't say a lot , ask once if he was ok and got 'yeah I'm fine' now he either fancies my brother or her 😂 I'm really shocked, actually I'm really shocked, I'm so happy for my brother and can't really see what the issue is ....

Hmm that is a strange one. All I can think of is there any chance that he was maybe going thinking about asking you to marry him and was maybe going to do it there?
Would explain why it's bothered him for him to act like that🤷‍♀️😂

That did cross my mind, but I can't see why that would be an issue and if you snooze you loose, I'm genuinely happy for my brother but was shocked at oh response... I'll see what he's like tomorrow and I'll have to ask if he's shitty again , I'll try and merge it into conversation somehow

I'm not sure, if that was the reason could just be that he feels it would look as though he was copying if he was to do it now and maybe felt the place you're talking about was special to you two and he's maybe just got annoyed in that moment.
Who knows though, as you say best to wait until tomorrow and see how he is about it then!

Is it a money issue? In that he sees your db going ahead with popping the q in your special place, then wedding, no doubt house etc, while you two can't afford to? (I'm presuming you and dp are older, having children already. ) So maybe he sees it as not being able to provide as well as your younger db? Or is jealous they are able to easily achieve what you two are having to work towards slowly?

It's complicated as much as I rent housing association im divorced, he owns with a dependent. I couldn't afford to buy somewhere with him as my wages goes in and out, he can't move in with me because there is no room for his ds, and like wise his is too small to facilitate me and mine... plus if something went wrong I can't risk my children homeless... so we plan on when his ds moves out or is of an age where he can live alone he will move in with me ... but who knows. He's late 40's. I'm late 30's. I don't think it's the money side of things... we were talking the other week about my ex hub getting remarried and how did I feel .. I said cool if they are happy , it's nothing to do with me , then we spoke about my brother moving in with his gf and I said I was happy he was happy as he too is divorced due to wife cheating and he's been single for a while and been with gf about a year , he's mid 40s , then he ask if it 'got to me that they are moving forward' I said no because (it's not), he mentioned marriage in the conversation and I said one day I hope that I will be worthy of marrying he said I want to marry you... and I said if you wanted too you'd have ask me already, I said it tongue in cheek... as we were talking he was just leaving the room so it ended there...but it really is no big deal for me . As long as all the children are happy , we are happy and I love to see people committing, yeah I wish things could be different but I totally get he has a child that his house will go to... I will never be in a position to buy but I have a happy home and that's all I can ask for. Yes I'd love for him to ask me but he hasn't, it's not going to make me bitter when others are doing it... if all that makes sense

Maybe he's pissed off as your brother can't find his own special holiday destination and has muscled in on your special place?

Maybe he's pissed off as your brother can't find his own special holiday destination and has muscled in on your special place?

I think you've it the nail on the head , thinking about it... but not a lot I can do so hel have to get over it, I just don't want him to say 'tell him to fuck off' that's my brother at the end of the day, bloody men !!! It should be me sulking that I haven't got a sparkly ring 😂

It sounds like it bothers him that your brother is moving forward, but not you two cant. Not because it's your brother, but because you two cant at the moment.

But I do know people who get arsey of this stuff. My best friend pick a very popular song as her and her husbands first dance. She attempted once, to tell a relative they could have the same song at their wedding as it was 'our song'.

Luckily she isn't totally insane and when the rest of us told her to get a grip she laughed and realised she was being ridiculous.

All this talk of marriage, maybe he's feeling a bit pressured? I think saying 'maybe I'll be worthy of marriage one day' might feel to him like a bit of a guilt trip. Which is silly as as you've said the circumstances don't really allow for you to get married now.

No not at all it was tongue in cheek we had a giggle at the time. I'm absolutely 100% there was no pressure he was the one that started the conversation. I wouldn't want him to feel like that if that was the case and I certain I have given no pressure, to be honest I'm content how we are. I'll see if anything is said today but I won't bring it up

A little update , no mention the next day and that was great as I didn't really want an atmosphere, then last night ding went the phone my brother again ... sending pics of where he's going to propose and the hotel etc.. he's so excited as am I because I guess I know something special is about to happen unbeknown to her... he clocks it and goes all humpy again. 🙄🙄 it's annoying me.. so to kill two birds with one stone I'm going to mute my brothers texts when he here for now and share his excitement when I'm on my own , although I shouldn't have to but I don't want the cold air feeling ...or should I ask 'what's the problem ' ??