After 6.5 years of being in this relationship/marriage I feel like I don't know if I am being unreasonable or she is.
Over the last 2 maybe 3 weeks my wife has started taking her phone with her everywhere, to the toilet, into the kitchen when she makes a cuppa, absolutely everywhere, every single time. She has always been very very attached to her phone but this is a change.
This morning we were sat on the sofa and I watched her delete two chat threads from Facebook. I confronted her about the change in her taking her phone everywhere with her and deleting the two threads. Her response was to lie and say she always deletes old messages now. I pointed out I had watched her delete them from the very top of the list and she then said it wasn't from Facebook but from WhatsApp and it was from her mum and her sister as she didn't want to see an article she had sent them. This is a blatant lie as those two threads were not at the top of the list. I point this out and she flips out saying our marriage is over.
About an hour later our 13 year old (she is my step daughter but we dont use that word and she calls us both mum) came to me randomly and said that when her and my wife stayed in the premier inn the other week she was constantly on her phone to one particular woman and that she didnt put her phone down the whole time they were there even at dinner. She also said she kept deleting the messages and when our daughter was doing her hair she could see she was talking to this woman as if they were "together". (we have a 10 month baby and my wife does not at all cope with anything less than 12 hours sleep at a minimum and normally naps for hours in the day too - so we paid for her to stay there for the night so she could sleep)
I have been ill today and last night and after I confronted her about these messages she just stormed off upstairs, tried to "turn" our daughter against me and left me with the baby all day. Again.
We were separated for 5 months in 2015 (not through choice) and within 9 days of that separation starting she was on numerous dating apps. She slept with her ex (our daughters very violent dad whom she isn't allowed to have contact with ) started an affair with a married man and slept with one other guy. She also added two women from the dating app to her facebook. When we got back together we talked and we agreed that because just before the separation began she was having an emotional affair with this married man (he is also an ex from years ago) that she would remove those two women. She never did and continues to talk to them today. One of them has a girlfriend too. I discussed this with my counsellor at the time and she agreed that because of the circumstances it was not unreasonable for me to ask my wife to do this. I felt unable to trust again without this.
Now this. I am just so lost in what to think. Am I an unreasonable a*hole or is she? I dont want to drip feed but there is so so so much more I could say. Our daughter saw her looking at 2 bedroom flats to rent that another friend had sent her and this really upset her.