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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Vulnerable and feeling heartbroken.

14 replies

SinglePro · 03/03/2019 18:28

I split up with my DH due to his infidelity in November. I was upset but knew it was the right thing and was feeling excited about the future.
About a month post split I slept with a kind of friend. I've known him socially for over 10 years though we never really spoke much, it was mainly on group nights out that we crossed paths. I've always found him very attractive but he is very much a ladies man and sleeps around a lot.
We agreed to sleep with each other casually until his work contract finished at the end of Feb and he went back to Ireland (where he's originally from) He had been planning to move back for some time.

He's now gone and I'm feeling heartbroken. I feel we really connected and I had such a great time with him. I can't stop crying.
I know it was too fast after my split and that we agreed it would be casual by I can't help how I'm feeling. I can't stop thinking about him and it's driving me crazy.

What I need advice on is whether you think I'm just vulnerable and messed up after my marriage split and just need to forget about him. Or should I try to maintain contact and maybe go visit him? He mentioned me going over to see him but I'm not sure that's a good idea. Plus mayb I was just sex to him and he will move on instantly.
Help.

OP posts:
Tomtontom · 03/03/2019 18:30

Forget about him. He's not here anymore and even if he was, he made it clear it was just sex.

SoleBizzz · 03/03/2019 18:35

He doesn't want you. You'd know if he did. Believe it when you see it. Sounds like it was just sex. You are worth more than an ageing lethario.

Robin2323 · 03/03/2019 18:41

Treat it as 'rebound' Man.
Put it down to experience and be ready for summer.

This will be your year Thanks

SinglePro · 03/03/2019 18:44

Yes! This is what I need. You all make sense.
I keep driving past his old house and rereading messages. It's pathetic

OP posts:
sunnydays78 · 03/03/2019 18:47

Delete the messages it’s not good to keep looking through them.

SoleBizzz · 03/03/2019 18:49

You've had a lot of hurt and upset. Ypu are still processing it all and will be for a while. Start to take care of yourself. Join mindfulness class on meetup.com . Start a new hobby. Watch planes on bigjettv on Youtube. Try ASMR Olivia Kissper on Youtube is fab. Her no bullshit video is so what you need now

RedLemonade · 03/03/2019 18:49

Sounds like the Sex Haze.
Hot guy + he fancies you + recent experience of being treated like shit by another guy + good sex= Sex Haze.

It’s intoxicating but it’s not really real. The only way you escape it with only minor injuries is to recognize when it’s over and walk away. It was what you needed at the time. Don’t let it hold you back now from striding forth into your brighter future.

SinglePro · 03/03/2019 18:53

The sex haze is so right. Plus he's the hottest man I've ever been with by a mile. He's charming and accomplished and treated me so well. Honestly he's not a dickhead, he's a good guy. Which is what makes it hard. It would be easy to write him off if he was horrible.

OP posts:
SinglePro · 03/03/2019 19:05

I've just deleted his messages. I felt sick doing it but I can't keep obsessing.

OP posts:
sar302 · 03/03/2019 19:24

He was your palette cleanser! Now you take some time to look after yourself, sort your divorce, and look towards a brighter future - dating once you're ready. Take care.

RedLemonade · 03/03/2019 20:05

Yy to a palate cleanser!

You got a really hot and sound one from the sounds of him too so good for you!

Now do a Marie Kondo on it and mentally thank him for what he brought into your life, pop him in the “not keeping” pile, and say goodbye.

Best of luck OP. Onwards and upwards Flowers

SinglePro · 03/03/2019 20:16

Palate cleanser. I like it. And it's so true.

OP posts:
SinglePro · 05/03/2019 18:42

I can't get over it. I'm crying so much.
And he hasn't even contacted me since he left. It was all in my head

OP posts:
Candymay · 06/03/2019 07:45

I love the Marie Kondo idea!
OP I’m so sorry for you so have to comment although I have nothing useful for you.
The only thing I do have - and this has built up over years- is the knowledge that whenever you experience these awful times, they do pass. You will feel better. Keep the past behind you and start getting ready for the future. There’s lots of fun ahead! Good luck to you xx

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