Feeling really low today - someone please hand me a grip

[TheWayThingsTendToBe]

(Unwanted) divorce came through last September. I’m single now, good career, own my house, got few but good friends. I travel on my own, have hobbies and am usually really good to just get on with things and do the ‘could be much worse’ routine. And yes, on the whole, life is ok.

Today though I’m so low. I feel lonely and scared that I’ll never have a family. I’m 36. I so want a partner but I’m scared to try OLD as I am not slim (size 16) and am worried people will find me disgusting and tell me. I don’t think I’ll just meet anyone. I’m the only one in my circle of friends who hasn’t got a husband and I’ve just been left out of an activity as it was more of a ‘couple’s thing’. I don’t think they did it deliberately but it didn’t occur to them to ask me (could have done it one my own with them), and it made me feel like shit.

Usually I’m ok with stuff like this but today it just hit me. Please someone hand me a grip or give me a kick up the bum, I feel so pathetic.

You don’t heed a grip, you need a hug. It’s really hard.

💕 💐

Thank you for your kindness - I just don’t know how to dig myself out of my low-ness today. I’m usually so good with just jollying on.

.

I feel for you op, it's hard. Be kind to yourself.

I'm really lonely too, so we're not alone in the lonliness!! I feel like everyones off doing things with their other half and I'm over here in my bedroom with netflix. Spring and summer will bring more activities, vitamin D and happiness - its always harder this time of year

Yes the weather is definitely not helping. Sorry you feel lonely too, SackGirl.

I wonder whether my powering through and smiling through the pain was not the right strategy. Almost feels like a delayed grief.

I’ve been where you are. Only older! And I sometimes feel like you do.
It will get better bit by bit.
I am also on the larger size, and just about to dip my toe into online dating, last time I did it, I may not have got as much interest, but that doesn’t mean I got no interest. Not every man wants a certain type.

And I agree, sometimes people think you’re totally fine, because of the aura you give off, do you have a someone in RL you can confide in?
Have you thought about counselling?

Sending you lots of I really know how hard it is, when things haven’t worked out how you thought they would x

Hi OP. You definitely don't need to get a grip. Its natural to feel like this and you are only human after all. We;'re made to feel we should be 'strong, independent women' but sometimes we do need that 'special person' in our lives.
I've been single nearly 2 years and I have children which I'm grateful for. I'm a few years older than you though and I also fear I may never meet anyone else. I've tried OLD loads of times and I've had no luck at all. Its doesn't matter if you're a size 8 or a size 20, we all get knock-backs and I've had LOADS.
Most of the time I'm quite happy in my life, with the kids and social things. But, I do have periods where I wish I had someone.
You're not alone

You don't have to be ok all the time. It's just a bad day though, don't overanalyse why they left you out. Don't feel bad about feeeing bad, stick something funny on and do something nice. Everyone else looks happy but they all usually have stuff going on too. You'd be surprised. I know that doesn't help when you feel down but don't think everyone is living some perfect life and you're not.

Thank you, everyone. Your kindness has made me cry. I guess I have been trying to portray the ‘strong, independent woman’ (and I am independent and proud of it) but at times I just want someone to put an arm around me or make me a cup of tea. I know that peoples’ relationships aren’t all rosey but it’s not making it easier to feel like the odd one out.

I just need to snap out of it. Tomorrow is a new day.

You don't need to snap out of it, it's okay to feel down. You're not alone with it. The more you talk to people the more you find a lof people are feeling the same. You're not alone.

Are you wanting to lose weight for yourself OP? It wasn’t clear whether you wanted to lose weight for yourself or because you want to be more attractive for online dating, or at all.

If you do, would it help for a while do you think to throw yourself into improving your health and weight for a while? You can use apps like MyFitnessPal and Reddit support groups like loseit, within a couple months if you start tomorrow morning you could have lost a stone easily, dropped a dress size and feel much more confident and be in a better place for dating and getting back out there!

The only one who can change is you. It’s normal to feel worried and nervous getting back out there but if you’ve identified something concrete that’s getting in the way, work on changing that if you’d like to. And maybe speak to your friends and let them know you’re happy attending events as a singleton so don’t leave you out out of misplaced kindness thinking you’d feel awkward, you’d rather see them as normal.

Hug from here as well. I'm recently divorced and although it was my choice (sort of) I am feeling a real mix of emotions. Please don't be put off dating by your size, if you feel the need to change then do, otherwise people should take you as you are. I don't fancy skinny men! Hopefully once the weather improves you can get outside more which is always uplifting for the spirits.

Yeah I long for someone to bring me a cup of tea.

I was poorly recently and i felt very down that I had no one to look after me.

But on the flip side, I have a seemingly large amount of friends in unhappy relationships who feel trapped.

I was very lonely in my relationship, and it’s a different type of loneliness, sometimes I dangerously look back with rose tinted glasses.

What I have learned is it’s ok to feel crappy. Trying to force yourself to be ok doesn’t help you at all.

Sunday evening is always a miserable time

Hey, sorry to hear. Must be difficult when you have not chosen to get divorced. It is ok to grieve....healthy in fact.
You sound as if you have done really well.
Don't let your appearance stop you from moving forward. Men who are too image obsessed, and screen themselves out, do you a favour anyway. Those who discover your person are worth holding on to.
Let me tell you that many couples are in relationships and feel incredibly lonely and they have their struggles. See this as an opportunity to experience the thrill of new romance and have a good sense of humour when it does not go to plan!
Why not join "meetup" on Facebook or "Adventure Queens", to broaden your circle. Your confidence will grow and these girls often introduce you to guys more naturally.
Don't be so hard on yourself - you not pathetic at all. It's a big change xx

I think I’m using he weight as an excuse to not date. I think if I’m being completely honest with myself I’m just not ready yet to put myself out there, despite wanting someone. It’s weird.

I’ve already lost a stone and will continue to do it for my health, nothing else. I’m doing a bit of comfort eating at the moment, which isn’t good, but I’m managing to maintain my current weight. Looking forward to lighter evenings with more opportunity to get out.

Meet-up is not for me; haven’t found a group that worked for me. I don’t know Adventure Queens so will look into it.

Thank you and to those in similar situations.

@TheWayThingsTendToBe
Don’t push yourself to date if your not ready. I did and it was disastrous.

It takes as long as it takes to mend sadly

I’m sorry you didn’t have a good experience MeAndWine. I hope things are a little better for you now, despite feeling lonely at times.

I just wasn’t ready, I tried to push myself to be “over” things.
trust your gut.

Things are a lot better now, I wish I was one of those people that could move on quickly, but I can’t, and I have learned a lot about myself in the process.

A lot of my loneliness was fear of being alone. If that makes sense.

I’m going to try again soon though! I mean what can go wrong

Yes I wish I could move on quickly too. I feel the longer I wait the harder it will get to make that first step but equally I don’t feel I can at the moment.

Just feel stuck and haven’t been able to shake my low feelings yet from the weekend. I’m sure it’ll pass though.

Sorry you have felt down today.
You can’t really make the feeling go away, so you sort of have to sit with it. But you also have to know that you will not feel like this forever.
This much I promise, even though it doesn’t feel like it now.

It’s a bloody shit process, but you can’t get round it out I’m afraid. You’ve got to sit with it.

I found watching endless rubbish murder mysteries helped, they’re not romantic and there lives are shitter than mine, because they get murdered!!!

Xx

I found watching endless rubbish murder mysteries helped, they’re not romantic and there lives are shitter than mine, because they get murdered!!!

Reading Scandi crime novels has got me through my break up.

OP - it's ok to feel low. You don't need to be handed a grip.

You also don't need to lose weight so you can go on OLD. If you want to lose weight do it for yourself not for some fuckwit who judges people on weight.

If you aren't ready to date don't. I split up with my ex in November after 5 years. I've had quite a bit of interest from various men and up until a couple of weeks ago I would come home and cry my eyes out when ever anyone flirted with me or dropped hints about going on a date. I just wasn't ready. Things are changing now though - I can feel it.
You will know when you are ready.