Can he refuse to divorce me without settling finances first?

[TeaCakesRus]

I live in the property we purchased together 13 years ago with our 2 dd's. I have been paying the mortgage alone for 9 of those years (He pays maintenance). Our divorce was never settled due to us not agreeing on a financial settlement. He wants me to sell, however we have nowhere to go. I can afford the payments and my solicitor says a judge would not make us move out if he were to try to force a sale as he is housed and it's in the childrens best interests to stay in their home. When he moved out it was in negative equity and now it has equity he wants me to sell again. He is refusing to sign divorce papers unless I sell. My solicitor has said we can divorce without settling the finances and potentially stay until my youngest is 18.
He seems to think I am wrong and is texting me telling me there won't be a divorce if I don't sell as the finances have to be sorted regarding the house before any divorce can be settled.

Has he been on the mortgage all this time? Has he been able to get a further mortgage? If not then would you feel very aggrieved at splitting the equity once DC are 18? My financial settlement negotiated in mediation acknowledged that exH wouldn't be released from the mortgage for some time.

Sorry if I'm misunderstanding.

I really recommend mediation for getting things moving. Perhaps worth giving it a go?

Also, if anything happens to me while DC are under 18 i want anything I have - equity, death in service benefit etc to go to exH who would be taking care of DC alone.

No

He has been on the mortgage all this time, yes.
I can't afford to keep paying a solicitor. He will ignore mediation. He's ignoring everything unless I sell. I have had another solicitors bills. I'm absolutely broke and have bills to pay. I feel helpless. I don't think I have a choice. I'm going to have to stay married to him and continue to pay the mortgage until my youngest is 18 and deal with the consequences. I'm mentally exhausted by it.

Are you unable to get a mortgage on your own income?

I know it's all stressful but deferring it just makes the stress continue, it might be time to face reality.

If you can't afford to raise a mortgage on the house then it may be difficult for you to stay in the house if your ex took this to court. Have you explored alm mortgage options, including family guarantors etc?

I have just qualified as a nurse and will be working part time (30hrs) so my income is less than 20k. My mortgage company will not allow me to borrow more to buy him out. I can't afford another house with half the equity. I spoke to a mortgage advisor and it will take a little when for my credit score to improve due to past history.
It's easier for me to stay and continue paying the mortgage. He would have to pay also to take it to court to force a sale and o imagine he has been advised (as my solicitor said) it won't go well for him as it's in the best interests of the children to stay here plus he is housed.
I haven't got a y money to take him to court to settle the finances. If I did I would. I just don't want to be married to him. I have no clue how this will go when my youngest is 18 but surely the courts Will see I have paid off capital alone for many years. Kept up the repairs and maintenance of the property. Surely he won't get 50%. Even if he does. Yes, he doesn't deserve it as he has nothing to do with our dc's emotionally or physically (He does pay maintenance as it's the law). He pays for holidays and cars and lives in his girlfriend's house and not once taken our dc's. Our dc's are not allowed there as her children are grown and apparently 'she's done her bit'.
So yes, I will be so annoyed that he will walk away with, I'm guessing more than 30k as I juggle the chdcare, out of school activities and work and study whilst he does what ever it is he does. I have no choice but to ignore the finances.
Do I just stay married to him then and when it comes to it, explain to the court he refused everything. Await him taking me to court in a few years?

Then save to get the money you need. Then take him to court. Join the threads on here to make extra cash to get the money. Do it before the youngest is 18. Stop coming up with reasons it will fail.

Saving money to take him to court is the last thing I want to do. I'm on a low income and my dc's deserve a holiday and I need to keep them clothed etc. I scrape by now so I won't be taking him to court.

Why are you asking for advice when you have made up your mind to do nothing? Stay as you are, keep paying the mortgage. You may or may not have to pay him a large sum of money at the end of it. It doesn’t matter you have already decided.

You could ask for more than 50% equity if that gets him free from the mortgage. Courts like to see couples moving on where possible. If the house is over 3 beds you maybe considered over housed.
A mesher order could be applied but it really depends on how realistic the figures are.

I asked if he could refuse to divorce me - others then advised me and I had already, at the beginning of the thread said I wasn't going to settle the finances. So yes technically I had decided and then I asked the question if I should divorce at al!!
I'm unsure if what will happen re the finances. I just was unsure about the divorce situation. I will just have to face the finances when it comes to it.

He won't be entitled to claim much of the equity in the end if you can prove your separation and that you've paid the mortgage all along without him.

Yes he can take half the equity once your dc are 18. You’ll have paid all that money and it’ll be handed over to him. This is money you could give to your dc for deposits on their houses, if you that desperate to give money away.

Do you think that's the case category12 if he has been unable to get a mortgage for 15 years? I know in this case that seems fair because he sounds like a crap dad to his DC. But if he wasn't, how would it be fair that he pays rent nothing to show for it and OP keeps all the equity? The borrowing is basically in his name if op isn't mortageable.

OP sorry it sounds really tough and he sounds like an arse. It doesn't sound like you have much choice. I think lots of couple get stuck because the legal process is so expensive. Has your solicitor come up with any useful suggestions?

He may have a claim on half the equity because he owns half the house. She won’t be able to argue a housing need for the children when they are 18.

The paying down the capital arguement can be challenged because she occupied the whole property at his expense and the equity increase was most likely due to house price inflation.

The problem for the OP is that she is kicking an inflating problem down round. And that he can force the issue at any time under any circumstances. The OP needs to mitigate against these risks as best she can. Taking over the mortgage and buying him out ASAP is the way to go. To do that she needs to push up income and reduce outgoings.

Sorry you're going through this, not sure if this is helpful but my local university's Law dept do a law clinic that is either free/very cheap as they use it for practice for their students - you'd have to apply and its up to them whether they take your case on. Maybe worth checking if any universities local to you offer this? Again, I'm not au fait with this but thought I'd mention it incase there's a slim chance it'll help xx

If you've been separated for more than 5 years can't you divorce him without his consent?