All I ever wanted was a family. Anyone else?

[User520007]

Can’t stop crying today. I’m so sad. My life looks perfect from the outside. But the one thing I always wanted more than anything else, a family, I don’t have.

Are you single OP? Is this about wanting kids or do you not have any wider family?

Single. Have parents and brother but they’re all quite busy.

Just desperately want my own family. Dated a lot and it never works out, never meet anyone I feel excited about

If you can afford it, you could always go ahead on your own with a donor.

There's a section about it on the fertility/conception threads.

You could also consider egg freezing for later.

How old are you, is time pressure a worry for having children?

35 so worried yes. I would consider the donor route but in my heart of hearts I just want to get married and have a family that way

Sorry to sound so self pitying. Struggling a lot today

35 is not too 'bad' at all.

Contrary to the 35 'fertility cliff' hysteria shoved down women's throats; about 90% of couples 35-39 fall pregnant within a year of trying.

I got pregnant with my first at 40 and many many women on here and whom.i know irl had kids late 30s and older.

You have time, you have more time than many women.

If you're concerned about your fertility and can afford it you could have a check done and then decide whether it's worth the expense etc of having eggs frozen for future.

You sound down tbh (not trying to patronise). Are you getting out to much, hobby, activity etc wise?

(I also fully understand wanting to have s partner and a family the 'traditional' route, I wouldn't have wanted to do it alone (though some people do, very successfully; and if course many people end up doing it alone due to relationship breakdown).

Change your hobbies.
Go out more, do new things.
Had a baby after 35.
Had first child very soon after meeting partner...
See it does work

"If you're concerned about your fertility and can afford it you could have a check done"

On that front, you could have fertility checks on the NHS but you'd probably have to lie about having been trying to conceive for over 6 months). Unless you have any reason to be concerned, it's probably not worth getting into.

When I wanted reassurance before TTC, I just tracked my cycle and used ovulation tests/clear blue fertility monitor to check in was ovulating each month. Obviously that didn't cover other issues, but as I said if you have no reason to be concerned about your fertility, it's probably not worth investigating other things at this point.

Change your hobbies.
Go out more, do new things

This.

If you're not meeting a potential partner in your current circles, you'll have to keep expanding and varying the circles you move in; try anything you fancy in the slightest, take any social opportunity you can, try singles holidays, try things more likely to have blokes or be mixed sex. This time of year is great with things starting up again.

I have booked a singles holiday but it is all women

I have tried to be positive but a date seems to have let me down today...I’ve not text to confirm arrangements either but at the same time I know a man who is keen will definitely message so I don’t want to waste my time if he can’t even follow up on date #2. Despite him asking me after the last one if we could meet again. Why is it never simple.

I have booked a singles holiday but it is all women grin

Oh FFS , well next time I might check the ratio (if you can) before booking.

Thing is if you meet new friends and acquaintances, that is still widening the circles you move in - which both enriches your life and may give you opportunities to meet a potential partner.

(Both myself and another woman are with men we met through socialising with my female cousin, who has two brothers; I know it's a relative rather than a friend or acquaintance but it could still work).

I didn’t know it was all women when booked - it’s confidential. I guess it widens circles

I have tried to be positive but a date seems to have let me down today...I’ve not text to confirm arrangements either but at the same time I know a man who is keen will definitely message so I don’t want to waste my time if he can’t even follow up on date #2. Despite him asking me after the last one if we could meet again. Why is it never simple.

I don't see anything wrong with one text to confirm arrangements.

I'd also say that there's a fine line between not tolerating any shite in terms of lack of enthusiasm & reliability, and between taking everything very seriously and assuming rejection very quickly. Sometimes you end up with people because you're distracted by other people, work, whatever and not massively paying attention of taking everything very to heart, so it can be easygoing and undemanding in the early stages.

it’s confidential. I wonder are there other group/single hols where you can find out.

Either that or pick activities likely to have men - cycling, sailing etc - as long as you don't hate the activity obviously.

Rock climbing, that tends to have men. There was another thread on here with decent ideas of good places, events etc to meet men, wish i could find it.

Ah, horse racing meets - was one unusual one.

Morality thanks for your advice!

I’m in two minds about texting. Really don’t want to be messed around and know it’s best to cut off early doors in that case. I keep going back to the idea he would text me if he was keen?

Don't giveup OP. I was in your shoes but met someone and had two very quickly. Don't put so much pressure on yourself. Tryand enjoy yourself a bit more. It's a numbers game, keep getting out and about and starting new hobbies.

Have you tried Christian dating websites? The men on there are usually very serious about getting married and starting families ASAP!

On that front, you could have fertility checks on the NHS but you'd probably have to lie about having been trying to conceive for over 6 month

you won't get a referral to an NHS fertility clinic without a semen analysis so it would have to be a very big lie involving a favour from a male friend! We don't do AMH in primary care which is the key test.

Change your hobbies.
Go out more, do new things

I actually find this a really patronising thing to say to single people. And usually it comes from someone in a couple. As if many of us are just sat at home with no life not doing anything or going anywhere

you know sometimes, for whatever reason, it just doesn't happen for some people and it's not because of something they did or didn't do. Maybe it's because we are not prepared to settle with any of the many shitty men we hear about on these boards so often.

you won't get a referral to an NHS fertility clinic without a semen analysis so it would have to be a very big lie involving a favour from a male friend! We don't do AMH in primary care which is the key test.

Oh fk, you're right - I forgot about them ruling out with male partner with the semen analysis first (though they may have done some basic hormone blood tests on me before then).

Well op it would have to be private, but it doesn't sound as though fertility is your main concern at this point, more meeting a potential partner.

Copper mine, I did this when I was single, as mum point ted out if I could not find someone to date in the normal weekly activities then unless I changed my routines how did I expect to meet someone .
It did work...
Now 25 years later, I was once again in the same rut, as partner had died. Changed habbit hobby's, guess what dating again.

So yes mum was right

I know lots of women who men their partners and had their families.

I don’t agree with the PP who said it’s patronizing to say change your hobbies etc.
For eg my hobbies are all mostly women based- yoga, aqua aerobics etc.
In the unlikely event I decided I wanted to meet a man now I would most definitely shake them up and try more man focused things that I’d enjoy like cycling, hiking etc.
What has always worked for me before was doing a Yes challenge with myself, so every opportunity that comes my way I must say yes! This in itself has opened up lots of doors for me and resulted in relationships, friendships, trips away and career progression.

Enjoy your holiday, it’s always good to make new friends and stay socially active!

• sorry my first line doesn’t make much sense. I meant met their partners “later”