Ex husband - still cheating

[Purplecatshopaholic]

You may have seen my earlier thread, my husband is cheating and has left. I am divorcing him for adultery, which he is not contesting. I guess my question is the anger I feel towards myself (I have plenty anger towards him believe me, but I dont feel that is helpful to the healing process, as he does not give a shit). I cant believe I was so stupid (I was very ill last year and after over 20 years of marriage he decided cheating was better than looking after me - I still cant believe it when I write it). Was I a complete idiot? I am a smart woman but I didnt see this coming. I thought we were soulmates. How do I come back from this? Advice please

He has acted, spoken & demonstrated that he doesn’t give a shit about you. You can’t change him, just the way you react to him.

Maybe try counselling

That was meant to be

True story NameChange - my work offers staff counselling so I am on the waiting list

It's all normal the way you are feeling. You trusted him. I had this happen to me whilst I was recovering from surgery.

I don't know if this helps as it's a different set of circumstances but the person I also had to forgive was myself. (For staying in an abusive marriage for so long) but I read a book by Anne Dickson and one line stuck with me. ''I have the right to make a mistake''. It's not much but there it was in print and it struck a cord (chord) with me. I felt better instantly. You also have the right (as a woman, as a human) to change your mind. So if you made a bad decision in the past and then you felt differently and wanted to act on that change of heart, then that was your absolute prerogative as well.

We're all living and learning and you couldn't control his behaviour, certainly not anticipate it. You did what you felt was right at the time. That has obviously changed as you've gone along. Growth is inevitable but the flip side of growth is that you realise that you made self-destructive choices before you 'grew'.

You stayed with a wrong 'un. It's not that much to forgive yourself for though. Especially when maybe you did need to focus on getting better before you took stock of your relationship status.

I recommend reading Catherine Gray's book about the joy of being unexpectedly single. It's not the usual pile of cliched crap, it's very uplifting.