When can I stop communicating with ex?

[Lalaloopylu]

Hi everyone, been split with my EXP for 12 years now, we have 1 DS together who's 13. He has been a nightmare over the years when it's came to contact with our DS. He's only ever got him once a week and only started paying CM a year ago but regardless of that I've always encouraged a relationship even when DS didn't want to go up.
I got married 4 years ago and have 2 more DC. From I got married EXP got worse, not turning up to get DS, cancelling last minute etc.
He then got married a few months ago, I thought great, his DW has other children so she'll understand my position and encourage him to stop being an ass basically but nope I was so wrong 😭
He's meant to let me know on a Mon/Tues if he's getting DS on sat/sun but just refuses, waits last minute etc.
I'm just wondering what age you think DS could take over communication? Im just so fed up of their silly games 🤷
Thanks if you have read all of this 🙈

Is he stil paying maintenance? Id have gone through cms long before he started paying.

Is it court ordered contact?

What are the arrangements? Are they not the same? As you say sat / sun?

Can you assume he is coming when he is supposed to, but plan for it not to show up ie give him the required amount if time to show up, then leave?

And communicate via email.

I understand your frustration but I think it’s unfair dumping this on a 13 year old. Talk to your son about what he wants and how he wants contact and communication to go. Most importantly, talk to your son about the importance of boundaries and knowing where his are. Let him know that if he’s having difficulties that he can always come to you.

Your Ex’s power games are nothing to do with either of you and neither of you have to play.

Yes he's recently got a cash in hand job so CM is £40 a month although they take it directly from his account as he was always late paying it.
Yes court ordered, the CO is sat or sun 9.30 until 5.30 as he said his work rota changes from week to week,although he's meant to let us know on a Mon/Tues and every 3 weeks overnight. He has took him overnight roughly 6 times but I don't push it as my DS was never bothered about staying. I brought it up in court 2 years ago as sometimes he was only coming to get him once a month with excuses of working, he was sick etc but nothing was done.
It's just mentally draining and so unfair on my DS. I've explained we're a family and like to make plans and if they're texting at 9am on a sat morning saying I'll be there at 10am when we've made plans to go somewhere for the day it's not fair on DS having to choose. He's literally a manchild 🙈

Agree with PP. I’d send him an email saying you’ll be leaving at 10am and if he hasn’t collected DS by then, then you’ll have to take him with you.

Wouldn’t put it on your DS though, I’d have been gutted if I was texting my DF asking what time he was getting me at the weekend and he was being flaky!

Thank you, I know myself it's not fair on him, think I'm just venting. It's just silly stuff, like last year we told him in January what date we'd booked off in July to go camping and different days out then he booked a few days away the same week and asked DS to choose.
I've spoke both to him and his wife and to my face they agree that can't be happening etc, it's not fair on DS then do the exact same thing the next week. Because I asked on the CO for a few days notice of which day they'll be getting him I'm apparently dictating to them 🙈the mind games are so so frustrating 🤷

I've just always changed our plans last minute etc so he doesn't miss out on time with his dad's family as he has a brother and 2 step brothers up there so I didn't want him seeing them out as a family and him not included.
My DH adores my DS and vice versa so he has a great stepdad but he does like going up to his dad's although he wanted to take him on a week's holiday last year and he wouldn't go so that says a lot really.