please someone help i don't know what to do

[nappyaddict]

i need someone to have ds. he just isn't safe here anymore. me and mums bf have just had another aguement. i didn't want it to escalate to i slammed the door shut before i said something i would regret. he forced it back open and ds was in the way and his head got banged. i feel so guilty.

he didn't ask to be brought into this crazy messed up place i live in and it's all my fault he's got hurt. he shouldn't have to listen to screaming, shouting and fighting all day and he especially shouldn't have to put up with getting his head banged off doors.

i've just asked my mum to look at his head cos there's a big red lump and she replied saying that it was there already and the door didn't even touch him cos that's what he's told her. that mark was not already there and the door did hit him. the response i got was well he seems happy enough and ok he does now but he did cry for 5 mins after. i know this isn't a long time but that's not the point.

basically what i want to know is if i go down the foster care route will it be easy to get him back or do i risk losing him forever?

or has anyone got any other ideas?

have thought about housing benefit and renting privately but wouldn't i have to give rent in advance and i didn't think they could give you benefit until you are already living there?

What you need to do is go for an 'options' meeting. When you go you explain your situation and its highly likely they will help you with all that..i.e. the deposit, first month in advance etc.

If you want to try this route (and I would say, try every route possible at the moment), give your council a call on Monday and ask to speak to someone in the housing department. Tell them that you are looking to rent privately and that you will be claim housing benefit. They will then ask you to go in and see them for a meeting...this will be the 'options' meeting where you basically tell them your situation and they will give you all the options available to you...

When I had mine, they couldn't help me with a deposit etc because I was coming in from out of the area, however, if you are looking within your local area, I'm almost certain they will help you with those costs.

When this initially happened to me, my situation was purely that my husband had left me and we had to sell our home. They did everything they could to help me and I'm sure given your need is far greater than mine was that they will do absolutely everything they can to help you. In the meantime, while you are waiting to go along to your options meeting, contact all your local letting agents and see if they have anything for you. Then when you go for your meeting you can show them any property that you have found that your interested in.

I know it all seems very daunting and I'm sure you're feeling very low with everything you're going through, but you can do it. Take it one step at a time and you will get there....and just think how proud of yourself you will feel once you have got yourself sorted.

Trust me, you can do it

Please feel free to email me for moral support, at any time.

If things are as bad as you say they are though, it would definately be a good idea to find yourself somewhere to stay in the meantime...like others have said. I can't advise on refuges etc, as I haven't been in that siutation...but it sounds like alot of people have given you some excellent advice.

Be strong!! xxx

can your mum make you homeless? if she writes a letter giving you 28 days to leave,the council have to put you into emergency accomadation after this time.it's the only way i got my place.my mum wrote me a letter for housing aid saying that she couldn't stand having me and the baby at home anymore and was throwing me out.i went down to housing aid with my baby and was given a hostel place.3 months later i got my council place (may be a longer wait now,this was 2 years ago)
don't go down the foster care route,it could all go badly wrong.what your ds needs is to be with you and for you to be happy and safe.

my friend has offered me to stay at her house but she lives out of the area. will this matter?

You do live a violent situation. I'm sure ss would be sympathetic to someone trying to get out of that situation.

Please do not give your child up for fostering - the impact on you and he would be great. There are other solutions and that will involve playing the system I'm sure - but it's worth it.

Look, you're beating yourself up about your child's bang to the head - you show concern and you show love - not a parent who should consider the fostering route.

I'm sure that that via women's aid there should be some constructive help.

I'm wishing all the best for your and you child.

Agree with everything here.
Get your mum to write a letter saying she is making you homeless. You can stay with a friend outside of the area - IME most councils take into account where you are made homeless from, not where you are right now.

Turn up at the housing office Mon am first thing. Do not go until you have been given an urgent appointment (should be that day or very shortly after). Bear in mind housing officers are usually aiming to minimise the amount of people on their books, so be persistent. IME it's the squeaky wheel that gets the oil.

You will not be given a house right away - they will offer temp. accomodation (B&B), while they "invesitgate" your homeless application. You might end up somewhere grotty, but you are doing this to keep your precious son safe.

Do not go down the fostering route. I have known people to do this whilst sorting out their own personal circumstances, and then find it's harder to get the children back than they thought.

I really hope things go well for you.

Forgot - the other thing councils are doing at the moment is a rent deposit scheme for private rented housing, as mentioned by poppet. This could help you get somewhere a bit quicker.

BUT - if you do this, and start a private rented tenancy, you are no longer homeless, so go back down the council flat list. As such, some people would rather not do this, and you are not required to.

i'm not sure she would write a letter. she doesn't really want us to move out.

would staying at my friend's be enough to class me as homeless without an acutal letter?

also my dad lives in a 1 bed flat but has said he would move in with me and ds if it meant we might get a house quicker. what comes up quickest 2 or 3 bed houses?

It's better with the letter.

You can explain to your mum that you know she loves you and doesn't want you to leave, but the letter is just something to help you get a place of your own. You will get a place much quicker if you are seen to be homeless.

Indeed, i have known of people who register as homeless, get allocated B&B, and then don't necessarily stay there every night. Not that I'm suggesting you should do this, cos you'd get in trouble!

There is no absolute way of knowing what will come up quicker. But as a rule of thumb, smaller properties tend to come up quicker, as people get rehoused from these into bigger properties. Not many people hand back the keys to 3 bed houses, and there are usually fewer of these on a council's books to begin with.

The CAB is a registered charity which provides free independent advice on a whole range of issues - including housing.

The Housing dept. is run by your local council.

Tbh, if you can get an appointment with your local CAB tomorrow I would make them my first port of call.

I would also get your ds' injury noted at hospital or out-of-hours GP.

Good luck.

hi ,sory to hear about your situation, if you wanted to go into private accomodation the council will give you a bond to pay your landlord, its not actualy money but its a guarantee that if you move out and there are damages that they will cover them.If your claiming any kind of benefit you can ask for a budgeting loan to cover the rent in advance, you can ask for up to a £1000 and they take say £10 a week out of the mone they give you but you dont have to pay any interest.hope this info helps but i would definately go to the cab first chance you get.

it is violent go and tell them what happened make a meal of it go into a hostel for a few weks if need be with your little boy they will then find you a flat

i looked into some sort of loan like that but it said you had to be on income support which i'm not.

is it too late to get the injury noted now - you can't even see it anymore?

do you have to stay in b&b or hostel or could i say until a house comes up i can stay at a friends?

stay with your dad. You, him and your child in a one bed flat is overcrowding and bumps you up the list. How quick you get something would depend what area you are in.

The council I work for will accept a homeless application if you are temporarily staying with a friend.
But to be on the safe side I would lay it on with a trowel ie say "she's only letting me sleep on her sofa for today and tomorrow, I don't know what I'm going to do then". It doesn't matter if she then ends up letting you stay longer.
As I've stated, many housing officer IME see it as their job to turn away as many people as they can, so you need to make a convincing case.

I know all this sounds really cynical, but I have seen some lovely, deserving people in bad situations get screwed over by people who should really be helping them.

can you not put a claim in for income support?????

Hi nappyaddict

To answer your questions - by other help I meant other family, friends, anyone who will help really. Also HV, people like that. It sounds like your Dad will be glad to help which is great.

I didn't haven't any family in the area so I ended up renting a room privately. while I did that my DS stayed with his Dad, and I saw him regularly.

The council classed me as homeless because it counted as staying temporarily with friend.

"would staying at my friend's be enough to class me as homeless without an acutal letter?
"

Yes, because you would be staying there as your current home is unsuitable. But try and get a letter off your mum if you can.

no i can't put in a claim for income support because i am a student.

Nappyaddict, as well as doing what the others have suggested, go to the Student Union and see if they can help you, there are hardship funds available and people who can advise you.

how are you this morning NA?

unfortunately can't go to the union atm cos my uni is actually in cardiff and i am in the midlands. i am probably going to end up deferring for a year.

i am not sure if i can apply for income support for the year i defer. will ask about that today aswell.

do they take tax credits into account when seeing if you qualify?

DO NOT PUT HIM IN FOSTER CARE. I know your situation is difficult but you will not get him back. Local authorities get large cash incentives for placing children for adoption and white pre school children are highly adoptable. I know of a case where a baby went into care whem single mother was recovering from c sec infection and she never saw him again. There were no child protection issues, she was just ill. People have lost babies because the father was divorced from previous partner due to unreasonable behaviour even though there have been no complaints to police. Don't trust social services. It is in there interest to remove children from birth mothers.