Is this enough? Money related

[amilosingitor]

Having an ongoing discussion with DP about our finances. We have 4 children between us, one that's ours and the rest are all with us 50/50. 2 are mine, 1 his. Not sure if relevant but just in case it is - it's there.

Rent is 500 a month. Everything else, bills, general living is the same as every other average family. Is £200 a week towards absolutely everything enough for DP to contribute? I personally don't think he understands just how much I have to pay out for, all the little things as well as the bills, food, fuel, clothes, baby stuff, the list is never ending. I should also point out I earn in a month what he earns in a week.

Nor does it include holidays/savings etc

If you live together then surely what you need to do is agree what are individual expenses;

Adult hat cuts, adult clothing, adult going out, presents for adult friends and family?

Everything else is shared expenses so you pool finances and each get the same weekly allowance for personal expenses. You then agree budgets for food, savings, DC activities, DC clothing etc.

Make finances a shared thing where you both know what things cost etc.

@Fattymcfaterson I don't know, but it's only pittance, but makes it clear I don't need posters suggesting I need to check I get everything I can etc. God.

Where does his salary get paid into; is it into a joint named account or one in his sole name?. How do you receive money from him; is that done via a transfer from his account to your named account.

What about YOUR own haircut or clothes, when was the last time you bought say a new pair of trousers, a blouse or some shoes?. How about your visit to a dentist and opticians; you need to have your teeth checked and your eyes tested.

I would not appoint yourself either as the family social secretary to remember his side of the family's birthdays and such like either. That should be his responsibility.

Money saving expert do a really good budget planner where you include all annual and once off expenses and it works out a monthly amount.

It would be worth sitting down with him and going through the costs so he has a realistic sense of what things cost. When you actually add together all the haircuts every two months, birthday presents for class parties, etc, it's a lot. To be very charitable he may just think he's contributing almost double the rent and you have money too so it should be plenty, but it v clearly isn't.

But does he accept he should also be supporting your lost earnings? Because if not you really need to focus on that and not be a de facto housekeeper- including to step children- if it's going to have a negative long term effect on your financial security. At the moment it sounds like you're subsiding him to work and have more disposable income which is nuts. You shouldn't be at a disadvantage because you're on maternity.

For example DH and I have discussed making an overpayment into my pension so I'm not negatively effected by unpaid mat leave. I think it's important everyone is fairly financially taken care of in a family. That doesn't sound like it's happening here but it also sounds like there's no clarity on where the money goes.

Draw up a budget and work out your individual contributions as a percentage of your income. This is a conversation that should have been had before he moved in, this is a conversation you should have had before you got pregnant and this is a conversation that should never stop being a conversation.

Explain the logic OP of you not having a written budget and the absence of general financial planning? Handwringing and ‘why can’t he see’ are no substitutes!

I think I must be in the minority here Op ...We don't have his and her money,we never have done.All the money gets paid into the same joint account and the bills go out and whats left is family money.He has his card I have mine and we get what we want/need.Only thing we do do is keep each other in the loop so say for example my DD had new shoes last week I would say I got new shoes today they were 40,00 not for justifyings sake just to keep us both in the loop as to what was coming out of the account.We both know then when we go to the cash machine whats there is whats there for all of us to use.It works for us,

How are you still entitled to tax credits with a joint income of over 1000 pounds a week.

Not to be a dick OP but 800 a week take home would be a wage over 50000 a year? Which is the cut off for child benifit I believe? I'm just saying so you can check so you don't end up having to pay it all back!

Fatty......My thoughts too. The other children wouldn't be taken into account if they're only there part time and even if childcare was the maximum TC only give 170 per week. With her 11700 income I am at a loss how, after deductions they still get TC earning £53,300.

Out of the weekly 385 is any of this for loans ? Or credit card payment?

Just seems Lot even if it's food , utility, water, council tax , life / car ins. Sky/ phones/ internet.

Probably because they based it on last years earning, maybe because his earnings are this amount NOW, but not necessarily always this way, for the full year because his job isn't a 9-5 office with same earnings day to day? As I said, is a few pounds, thanks for your input. Truly wish I hadn't asked, the tone of some posters is really quite shitty

The OP is using “earnings” as a term to cover all her income including benefits. CMS from the other father doesn’t seem to be mentioned but should be an issue in the family finances.

As others say, your time would be better spent getting a good online template that allows you to put this all down in a structured way. This forum doesn’t let you do this. So you are going to get increasingly frustrated by some of the comments and feedback.

Not sure how you get tax credits if he earns that much! Are you declaring you live with your partner? I suspect not.
That aside, he is NOT paying you enough and is financially abusive.

If based on last year's earnings you'll have a huge over payment coming your way. You must update TC of any changes.

@crappyday2018 thanks for the false accusation. Think I'll be taking myself elsewhere and leaving this thread behind now, thank you to those with something useful to say.

As or financially abusive, get a grip. Ridiculous.

btw, my ex partner was like this. He was always questioning how much he gave me and was VERY tight with money. He's now an EX.
I did put everything I pay out on a spreasheet. This was literally everything to do with our joint cost of living including home insurance, road tax, tv licence the lot. Food shopping would then be split 50/50 each time we went.

He keeps himself £2000 a month but thinks it's ok to contribute £800 to the household? He's not naive, he's selfish, you're to stress about juggling a budget whilst he hoards £1000s; I think not!

Touched a nerve there.....

@crappyday2018 you haven't touched a nerve, but I haven't at any point said he's tight with money, I can buy what I want, he doesn't care, he will pay for majority of things but I am trying to get it a bit more organised rather than me saying "I need x amount" this week or month or whatever, there are many women out there genuinely being financially abused, and as a result I think throwing the term around willy nilly is insulting, and with regards to the tax credits, I have responded to those queries, and he has not long changed jobs, therefore an increase in wages, if I owe tax credits money back then this is not a problem, I am awaiting the revised award, which I have expected to be removed moving forward, br I didn't realise I had to explain this as it has nothing to do with my actual query, just because you are called out for making an ill informed post does not mean you have "touched a nerve". What an immature attitude.

Crappy.....I agree. Defisive behaviour is normally shown when one is caught out. What doesn't make a sense to me is.

1. TC is only awarded to people who have 3 or more children living in your household full time. So has OP not updated them the other 3 are only part time.

1. With her income and everything else added together she can only be working part time so wouldn't qualify for full time day care thus this would lower any TC award.

1. You must update TC with changes. Her DP earnings must have changed significantly in the past year if she says the income is based on last year's earnings. Last year's as tax year 18 to 19 or 17 to 18. Either way doubt the jump would have been that huge to be entitled to TC then not.

And to OP. I can't see anyone being shitty. Just advising you that, incase you're unaware, you're not entitled to TC based on what you've told us and will have a huge over payment and possibly a fine.

I wasn't being shitty
But I see so many posters who don't realise they're not eligible to CB until they get hit with a massive repayment bill!
But fine. You just do whatever you like

Op have you and your partner ever discussed marriage.? That would make things much more equal.

Was your decision to live together a kind of trial run for marriage or did you decide to live together for other reasons?

We work our budget out based on ending up with the same disposable income each. I include everything we pay for individually - phone bills, swimming lessons, transport, uniforms etc as well as bills and savings and then put in our salaries and deductions. At the moment DH puts in 4x as much as me because I'm on mat leave but at other times I've put in more or it's been equal. We each have a bank account and credit card and then use a joint account to manage the expenses.