To think no one will ever come close to him?

[HollyBollyBooBoo]

I've had what I felt was an amazing relationship in the past. It was different to any relationship I'd had before including my marriage. The connection was intense, sex was like nothing I've experienced before, he was practical, emotionally in tune, so supportive, he was fab in so many ways.

However after 7 years it had really run its course and we split. Absolutely the right decision.

However, I'm now thinking about dating again and honestly I don't think anyone will ever come close to him. I feel like I will judge every potential date against him and the relationship we had and they won't stand a chance!

Not sure what I'm asking really. Is this normal? How do I stop putting him on a pedestal?

I think it is normal. Then you will meet someone better, and it will all pale into insignificance.

How long has it been since you split?

Why did you split?

He can't have been perfect for you or you'd still be together. What are his negatives? Focus on these.

It's been about 6 months since we split.

The relationship honestly just ran its course, I think our feelings were both fizzling out but it kept going for a while longer until we both said it's not what it was and seeing as we'd both been divorced, both a bit older, we didn't want to keep a relationship limping on and risk any resentment creeping in.

I know it was the right decision because I've not cried once about it and I normally cry about everything!

I think it's the fact that it was just such a different relationship - it's what relationships should be like and I'd never had that before (maybe it was just an age thing, I was older post a 10 year marriage and he was 10 years older than me).

It really changed my outlook.

It might take some time, or not, but you will meet someone you fall in love with. Falling in love is irrational and you won’t make rational comparisons. That’s not always a good thing but it is how we are programmed.

Establishing a deeper bond, the soulmate scenario, is an extension of falling in love. If this doesn’t happen I think a relationship will inevitably be unhappy and acrimonious. Too many people focus on the love and ignore the incompatibility and lack of respect. Most of the problems and unhappiness relayed on here is due to that.

So yes, Falling in love again will push him from your mind. It’s the next stage that will be more difficult to establish but rightly so. You need standards in life.

I think your relationship was laden with projections - and a real relationship will never live up to that kind of powerful imago.

Even after 7 years neither of you could keep that idealised image going. As you say, it had 'run its course'.

You're yearning for what was never really there, though you managed to sustain the illusion of its presence for quite a while.

A really good book: "The Eden Project: In Search of the Magical Other" by James Hollis.