Is this the beginning of an emotional affair?

[charlalalala]

Couple married for 15 years, 2 DDs of 14 and 12. DH has had one affair approximately 9 years ago and nearly had a second 7 years ago. DH and DW (for various reasons) haven't had sex for a number of years now - not related to the affairs, mainly the DW just doesn't have a sex drive. That's the background.

The DH has a friendship with a woman he works with who is about 10 years younger than the couple. The DW knows and gets on well with the woman but she is primarily the DH's friend. The DH confides in the woman about personal issues, but they do not spend any alone time together. There is no chance of a physical affair happening as it stands. They send each other 'cute' text messages and talk about each other's personal relationships etc. They have a lot in common.

The DW is not bothered by this relationship, sees it as just a friendship. Objectively though, does it sound like the beginning of an EA? Full disclosure, I am the DW's friend and she mentioned this all to me recently and I don't know if I'm reading too much into it. I don't want to say to her to be wary if there's no need.

Sorry, should've mentioned that I've NC but am a regular, fwiw.

If they say or type anything they wouldn't be happy to say or show the DW then yes it's an EA unless she's said upfront that she's not interested.

there's already an emotional connection between the two.

I don't know the full contents of the texts, the DH has just mentioned something the woman told him about a relationship she was in (not sure if she's still in it, assume so). And then said they just chat, so my friend has assumed he talks about his life as well. She isn't that bothered by this, but obviously that may change if it was more personal than she knows. They are mostly jokey and friendly/silly from what she knows.

Emotional connection surely could be just a friendship?

Well - it sort of doesn’t matter really.
If he still has a sex drive and she doesn’t - as it’s been a few years - he’ll end up having sex with someone.
It’s really unfair of the W in this situation to expect him to be celibate for the rest of his life.

Frankly, he'll be having sex with someone eventually. Maybe this woman, maybe not. People can't decide to withhold sex for several years and not expect repercussions, life isn't like that.

mainly the DW just doesn't have a sex drive. That's the background

And therein lies the problem!!

FFS, as a woman with a very high sex drive, I cannot abide people who have low/no sex drive and just expect their partner to suck it up. No.

This man has had affairs because he isn't getting any sex at home. Good for him. Although personally, I would leave and find a Partner with a sex drive to match my own, but maybe there are reasons that he can't do this?

Thank you for responses.

FWIW I do agree about the sex issue. I'm not sure how my friend would feel about her DH having an affair in that specific circumstance. When she talks about the sex stuff she sort of presents it matter of factly and not as if it's up for debate. It's not been a discussion between us, she just mentioned it in conversation. Of course there could be more to the story than she is telling me but I I do get the feeling she is telling the truth.

If I'm being perfectly honest I don't really know how the marriage has survived this long. I know I couldn't stay in a sexless marriage. It's certainly possible that the DH is just staying for their DDs, but he and my friend do seem to get on fairly well day to day. It's not a great situation, I do agree.

Nice of PPs to blame the wife and her lack of sex drive for his affair.
You say they haven't had sex for a few years but his affair was 9 years ago, so the affair predates the demise of their sex life by several years.
I think she should have left him after his affair, I'm not surprised she doesn't want to have sex with him.

DH and OW are already having an emotional affair. A married man frequently messaging an OW at night and on weekends is entirely inappropriate, as is sharing about their relationships and other personal issues. The mundane chat and playful texts are also indicative of their emotional intimacy. They are smart enough to not write romantic or sexy messages.

He has already had an affair and ‘nearly had a second’ (whatever that means). He has a history of having weak boundaries and seeking extramarital ego-boosts. It is unrealistic to assume that DH and OW are never alone, with no chance of having a physical affair. They work together, and could easily be alone during lunch, by leaving early, and on work nights out, etc.

DW likely feels emotionally close to DH, and they may have some physical closeness. They have a life together, and a child. They do not have sex, but that does not give DH license to cheat. If he is not happy with his marriage, he should work on it with DW, or end it, before beginning a new relationship.

I think she should have left him after his affair, I'm not surprised she doesn't want to have sex with him.

Exactly this! The three of you in a row that blame her low sex drive? He's hurt and humiliated her for years. I'm shocked you think that she's the problem when it's so obviously the cheating ass she's married to.
And yes, that's how emotional affairs begin. Oversharing, overfamiliar, and how many times is it the friend that's the OW or OM? Also, he's proven himself to be untrustworthy and it's a certainty that he knows where this is headed. God bless your friend. The hurt never really goes away.