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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Its Over😔

18 replies

Trilaulyn2926 · 02/03/2019 20:06

Why is it that the silliest arguments Have caused My Relationship to End ....
I’m so so devastated....and know he will be too ...but there is no going back ..I’ve already told the kids he won’t be around here from now on ....
We were always “second-guessing”one another ..and it has killed us ...
Don’t know what Im looking for ...Just wanted to document it ....
So Fucking Sad 😞

OP posts:
Imagine2019 · 02/03/2019 20:09

Sometimes it’s not how important the argument is but how often they happen. If you weren’t getting on it sounds like it might be for the best even though it does hurt like hell.

Trilaulyn2926 · 02/03/2019 20:17

We were getting on 90% ofte time ...
But he was always getting A Vibe thatwhat I said wasn’t what I meant ...Despite assurance that that wasn’t the case....It just blew up ...He gave me the silent treatment, wouldn’t answer my calls andI tipped and went on a texting rant ...Now it’s done 😕

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 02/03/2019 20:18

Probably all for the best. Something wasn't right.

CassettesAreCool · 02/03/2019 20:19

Sounds toxic. You're both better off out. Sorry Flowers

WordsFailMeAgain · 02/03/2019 20:20

More details?Flowers

Trilaulyn2926 · 02/03/2019 20:22

Was looking at Toxic relationships ...All lot of it makes sense ...
Still hard ..We had it Good most of the time too
Think there was Gaslighting in there too
Just pressed buttons and I blew
So wanted it to work out ...

OP posts:
slipperywhensparticus · 02/03/2019 20:23

Mine is constantly over he is a knob I was trying to decorate my kitchen tonight he took over then when I tried to help him my son got on my chair and rocked it he found it hilarious I cut too much off the paper and took over again I'm bloody capable of decorating he leaves bits hanging off all over the skirting board ffs but he just wont let me decorate my own kitchen

So yup a pretty stupid argument can end a relationship

Mixedbags · 02/03/2019 20:28

If it’s a silly argument surely this could be overcome if you get on the majority of the time? Are you able to provide any more details?

Trilaulyn2926 · 02/03/2019 20:31

Both have children...Around similar ages All got on really well...we were together for 2yrs ..The 2nd year was when our families had a lot of interaction..Didn’t live together but stayed over a few nights a week...he worked full time with primary care of both his kids...I worked part time and have sole care of my kids...I took Ona lot of meal prep for All of Us due to his workload...and took a Lot to do with his youngest ....We had a lovely evening onThursday with both our younger kids..They were both supposed to be staying at mines ..but his didn’t want to ...I really wanted them to ..but didn’t intervene when his child said they wanted to sleep at home ...Got accused of ensuring he didn’t get to stay ...Then it went from silent treatment from him to text rant from me to try to get my point across...It is a mess 🤔

OP posts:
Trilaulyn2926 · 02/03/2019 20:36

He is regularly saying Im not in it like he is ...And it’s often said that he is”getting a Vibe thatI don’t want him in my life as much as he wants me in his “
I shop,cook and feed him, his kids and dogs 5 times a week(we were sharing the cost)

OP posts:
JustThe2OfUsMK · 02/03/2019 20:43

Hope you ok...Flowers

Trilaulyn2926 · 02/03/2019 20:44

It’s the second guessing ...Thats the problem..I say one thing he thinks another ...and it takes forever to get him to see I meant what Isaid ...Usually after he’s went quiet and distanced himself and in reaction ..I’ve went in a rant ..

OP posts:
Trilaulyn2926 · 02/03/2019 20:47

*on a rant
And it’s a pattern that keeps repeating....
Besides this ...We would be So Happy 😊

OP posts:
lifebegins50 · 02/03/2019 20:53

Sounds exhausting..2 years is when you get to know each other and I think it's very sensible to end a relationship with someone who gives silent treatment and guilt trips you. It would definitely get worse.

You are giving lots to the relationship but he wants more, sounds like he wants to be the centre of attention.
It is sad but best in the end as it sounds it would get more toxic.

TheCanyon · 02/03/2019 20:57

He went in a huff with you because his child wanted to sleep at home? He's nuts.

Definitely onwards and upwards

Trilaulyn2926 · 02/03/2019 21:09

Yes ...Despite telling him earlier in the evening I Wanted him to stay...The fact I didn’t say anything to back him up when his child said they wanted to go to their own home gave him The Vibe that I didn’t really want him ...This has been a reason for disagreements a good few times ...”The Vibe” usually because I don’t say something in the “right” way if you know what I mean 🤔

OP posts:
lifebegins50 · 03/03/2019 14:12

When someone is toxic or unhealthy they come up with reasons for disputes which are not rational. A non toxic person tries to reason/compromise and understand the issues. If you let this go on he will drag you into exhaustion by the constant drama and conflict. I stayed because at times he could be normal but mostly he thrived on conflict over anything that most people would shrug off. Often toxic people are super sensitive to any perceived criticism and it is always about them and how their feelings have to be dominant.

Honestly walk away and keep waking, he is not fixable and it will get worse.

SandyY2K · 03/03/2019 14:32

It's not your place to convince his child to stay. I really don't see that you needed to back him up.

Sometimes kids want to be in their own beds and be in their own home, nothing wrong with that at all.

He really needs to consider how his DC feels, because going from one house to another... isn't always fun for kids, even when they like the other kids in the house.

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