Help my relationship

[Milkdragon]

Hi I’ve been with my husband many years we have 2 daughters together one 14 and one just turnt 8 the 14 year old is very naughty and speaks to us terrible we have no family is just us we both work full time and my husband works shifts so don’t see a lot of each other and don’t go out together or at all really the other day he assaulted me infront of our youngest and the police were called by both of us him first he was released without charge as I dropped my statement because this is not like him at all he has moved out straight away and said that we can’t be in a relationship because our 14 year old is so naughty and that must be because of us we must be doing something wrong I am so upset I love him and know the reaction will be leave him because he hit me but he really isn’t like that and I know he is struggling with that now he has told people what he done and how terrible he feels I just want our family back he is now getting support from his work for his stress with the job and things but he is so worried about what happened and how naughty our child is that he thinks we should stay apart I don’t know what to do

Op - what you say is do typical -

I love him; he didn’t mean it; he is not like that.
Fact is - unless you want your daughters to grow up and think it’s Ok for their future partners to asault them - you can’t let him back in.
He IS like that; he DID mean it; and it’s not the 14yo’s fault that he hit you.

14yo will grow out of it, no one stays a teenager forever.
He, however, would always stay the man who has it in him to hit a woman, his wife, mother of his children, and in front of his little daughter.

Wake up and be the mother they need you to be.

I agree with everything @MMmomDD said.
Though it will take a lot of courage on your part. I believe in you though x

I need help how to fix this the answer is not just to end things he is having a terrible time of things I need him to realise that he is loved and that he can come home and we can work through this through councilling or something anything I just want to fix this

I’ll try one more time Op.
Wake up and think of your daughters, first.
Put them in the center.
Get them to believe they are loved and not all men are violent.
Get them counselling.
If after all that their counsellor thinks it’s safe to be considering bringing him back - then proceed.

Stop being selfish and putting your dependency on an abusive man first.

Tell him he can't come back. Why would you subject young DDS and their you their DM to violence? He'd be a goner if you get your head around it. Hang it in shame if you think he's good enough

It's not your 14 year olds fault your DH is abusive, it's his. Stop making excuses for him, all you are doing is showing your DC that violence is excepted in your house. Keep him out and start building your self esteem back up.

Another thing OP, the Police were called and I guarantee they have put a referral in to SS for your DD because she witnessed her dad punch her mum. Think long and hard before you put your DH needs before your children's.

The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is NONE.

Where is your line in the sand here re this man?. Why are you making such excuses for him?. Did you see similar behaviour from your parents when you were growing up?.

Men like you describe actually hate women, all of them and in particular their own mother.

Why are his problems and you fixing these for him seemingly more important than your youngest child who saw domestic violence at first hand?.

Why do you feel a need to fix this at all; why is it all down to you apparently?. You cannot act as a rescuer or saviour in any relationship and neither approach works. You are all being dragged down with him. Its likely why your eldest is naughty; any attention albeit negative, is better than none in her eyes.

Your husband is right. Your daughter is like this because of both of you. Please start putting her, and yourself, first.