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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Should I stay or should I go?

10 replies

Bearsinmotion · 02/03/2019 17:28

DP and I have been in a bad place for a while. He is mentally ill and has been under a huge amount of stress recently, but has been controlling for years. Also he is a hoarder so the house is an absolute state.

Had an argument today that was the final straw and he has gone. I don’t know where, but he is local.
I am waiting for a call from women’s aid and my sister is here and my DC. She lives fairly close and has offered us to stay there.

Should I go to hers, relax and get some space, but risk him coming back and refusing to leave, or stay and stop him coming in?

OP posts:

saz85 · 02/03/2019 21:54

I think only you know the answer to this....go with the one you feel most comfortable with. Chat it through with your sister, although you have probably already decided by now!

ChakiraChakra · 02/03/2019 21:55

Whose house is it? Owned or rented?

I'm glad you have your sister in place xxx

Zofloramummy · 02/03/2019 22:05

Stay play the long game. If you lose your home because he won’t move where does that leave you and the kids?

HollowTalk · 02/03/2019 22:07

Who's house is it? If it's yours, stay put. If it's his, leave.

HollowTalk · 02/03/2019 22:13

Arrgh 'whose house?" I mean!

Singlenotsingle · 02/03/2019 22:26

I think I'd stay, especially if dsis doesn't mind staying with you (does she?). Call the police if he causes any trouble and maybe get the locks changed? (If the house is yours of course).

Original poster

Bearsinmotion · 03/03/2019 06:16

Hi everyone . I stayed here last night, my sister has gone home, DP is in a hotel somewhere. The house is ours, i.e. jointly owned.

OP posts:

Singlenotsingle · 03/03/2019 09:53

Well done. Glad you're alright. What now?

crappyday2018 · 03/03/2019 10:42

Hi OP. Sadly you can't legally stop him coming back to the house if its jointly owned. Do you think he would be aggressive?
I would ask him not to come back but if he refuses, and you can't be under the same roof, go to your sisters! Good luck.

something2say · 03/03/2019 11:25

I think firstly, get a DV advisor to do a proper risk assessment, where ALL the problems will be teased out and a solution proposed for each one.

Generally, you're looking at splitting up under the same roof and living separate lives. If he kicks off, get away or ring 999. If children's services become involved, good.

Then you will divorce and split the assets.

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