To cut a long story short, my ex and father of my dc is a narcissist and even though he is not in our lives he is still trying to destroy us! Anyway, he left when I was still pregnant, got together with someone else, had nothing to do with our dc. Met dc when dc was a toddler, was in dc life for a few months and left again. Again to be with someone else. So all of this, according to him was my fault. He left for someone else because I was this and that and stopped seeing our dc because of me too. Lied to all of his family, made me look like I was insane. He could have gone to court for access but chose not to (and this is my fault too because he needs to pay child maintenance)! Anyway he married this woman a couple of years later and divorced her not long after. Got in touch with me, because the divorce was messy and he was clearly feeling lonely. Claimed he wanted to see dc etc. I said no problem, when do you want to see dc. Excuses then started, apparently it wasn't the right time. I didn't push it. Every now and then he would message me, out of the blue, blaming me of all sorts, being abusive etc. Then he would calm down after a while and start talking about dc again. Sometimes he would text me claiming he was still in love with me and we should give our relationship a try again, this was always late at night and most probably drunk. Whenever there is an issue with child maintenance he makes sure I get a lot of abuse and makes sure he hurts me in any way he can. He will say that he doesn't see dc because of me, because I would never let him (not true, keep asking him to sort his life out and step up and be a father), because I'm still in love with him and apparently I want to marry him???(again not true and he knows it, but I think he is hurt with the fact I no longer love him). He will also say his parents don't want see dc, again because of me, because I will use my dc and take dc away from them whenever I want, apparently?? (They were the ones that never cared about dc and his parents should know better, all his relationships ended badly and with lots of drama, surely something's wrong with him and not us, his victims?) None of this is true and I've tried to explain it to him, but of course he doesn't care and says it's all my fault.
I said many times that they are all welcome to see dc and if he wanted to see dc he would and there would be no ifs or buts. After I said this, he asked if he could see dc on his own, I said to start with no, because he is a stranger. Dc has not seen his father for 8 years and last time he saw him he was only 3. Surely I'm not being too unreasonable here am I?
Something else that worries me (and anyone who has dealt with a narcissist knows what I am talking about) is how he keeps saying, that one day dc will look for him and he hopes I don't manipulate dc or say horrible things about him to change dc mind. Again I have no idea what he is talking about as I want dc to have a father and want them to have a relationship?? I'm scared of when dc is older and does get in touch with my ex that he will lie to dc about why he was not in dc life, despite all my efforts. So I guess I'm here to ask for opinions on how to deal with this situation. I'm getting so depressed, not sure if I can handle all this abuse for much longer.
For all that matters, I sent the ex a message just to tell him to think about arranging something in the future so he can meet dc and received no reply. No doubt sooner or later I will get a text with some more abuse...