Either there's something wrong with me or there's something wrong wiht him?!

[LowFatMilkshake]

My DS is 6 months and I have just gone back to work. DH and I dont plan to have anymore children, and although we only have 2 I have had 5 pregnancies and so have been a bit of mum-in-waiting for the past 4 years.

But now that chapter is over I want to get in to the new role of wife and mother. I love my DH so much. I have always been a bit overweight, but have recently sought help to shift it and I have had my hair cut from a scraped back ponytail to a loose and shapely style. I thought DH was pleased about this. And so I carried on getting some new clothes and using perfume again, and a bit of costume jewellery. And for a small while, although still trying to loose more weight I felt really good about myself and hoped DH would see my new confidence as a good thing.

We do work hard and DH works from 5am to 12noon and I work from 1-6 so we dont have to pay for childcare, although it does leave us tired. And although we go to bed early so we get enough sleep we also get about an hour and a half when the children are in bed to be together chat, watch a film etc. But recently DH has been making excuses not to sit together. I've tried asking for cuddles and I get met with rolled eyes unless I cry (which I can't help - I've always cried easily) when I then feel I am getting cuddled to shut me up.

I can't work out if his change is snce I've gone back to work because we're tired, or because he hates the changes I'm making in me, or if it's just me reading too much into things.

I am so confused, I love DH dearly, but feel if I carry on like this I will drive him away. In the last week I have already asked him outright if he's seeing someone else. And I've just sat and written a 5 page letter about my feelings, which I dont know whether to give him. He's just phoned from work to see how we are and I was so shcoked I thought he was phoning to say he would be home soon - as he usually does and I must have seemed so ungrateful for such a nice innocent thing to call about.

I just need some positive thinking vibes right now I think.

Sorry this is so long.

Don't give him a 5 page letter
He has too many Y chromosones to compute and you may have too many post partum hormones floating around your system to be even halfway rational.

Get yourselves a babysitter, book a restaurant, go separately and meet each other there as on a date. Then take him in a back alley for a knee trembler. Seriously.

It sounds like you're both exhausted.

Could you get a babysitter for an early evening, and go out for a meal.

You've both had a lot to cope with in the past few years, and perhaps you're both feeling a little neglected by the other?

I wouldn't give him the letter, tbh. Now that you've written down all your feelings, rip up the letter.

If you carry on makeing the best of yourself and feeling good about yourself you will drive him away??? that is plainly rubbish. Now it is very odd that he is not enjoying you reclaiming your body and self image. He is reacting oddly not you. I wouldn't bother with the 5 page letter, too many opportunities to lose what the real problem is in 5 pages. Just ask him why he is keeping his distance, ask him is he threatened by you being attractive again, ask him what the problem is.

I had booked a restaurant and got a babysitter for his b'day which is next weekend, but he hardly seems impressed. He is going out tonight to a colleagues wedding reception, apparenlty no partners have been invited, and IMO he seems mor keen to go there than than he is looking forward to nexk weekend.
What I had put in the letter was that if he did wnat to leave me he should just go now because I can't stand the way things are at the moment. But I begining to wonder if 'the way things are' are all in my head.

His changes may have nothing to do with your changes? I'd talk to him. I wouldn't give him the note, I'd just sit him down and explain.

x-posted there. It certainly sounds like you are having problems, you're not happy with how things are - that's a problem, and it's real. Did he used to be more cuddly?

Before children I can remember when we'd lark about while cooking dinner and would cuddle up watching films. We dont laugh as much a we did which although I noticed I put down to increased responsibilities etc.

But in terms of touchy feely, I feel it has changed, I never had to ask for a cuddle before I would just snugge up to him and there was his arm around me. Sex is sometimes a problem (about 4 times since DS was born), purely because of contraception - we both hate condoms, I can't go on the pill, and I wont have anything invasive and he wont have the snip... But I've always kept him happy - as I thought.

Is the diaphragm an option? There was a big thread on it before?

Or can you have sexual fun without intercourse?

Like I said, as I though we were okay without full intercourse everytime.

He's never complained, and although I would like more, I never know how to ask for it without feeling embarassed so I go without thinkning he's happy.

Not sure if he's noticed actually as sometimes it's easier to satisfy him and stop him doing anything to me, maybe he thinks I'm not interested.

Meant to add I dont know much about the diaphram, other thn it has to be in place 12 hours before intercourse (so I'm told)

12 hours before?!? No no, you can put it in a few minutes before. I think you have to leave it in for an hour afterwards, I don't remember how long. It's a bit hassly, but not that bad.

Ok, looked it up, it's 6-8 hours afterwards. But it's not very annoying to have in.

Just to up-date, have spoken to DD about my feelings again. Still cried but he could see I was trying hard not to get over emotional. He has apologise for not noticing my efforts and has promised to make more time for us. He did'nt realise I was feeling so low.

Feeling a bit better now, despite my awful headache from crying all morning.

Thanks for your support.

NQC - gonna speak to the GP about a diaphram.

Sorry that shoudl be DH not DD - she just thinks mummy is having a 'sad day'.