Overnight contact with newborn baby

[Zoemay123]

This is going to be super long but please bare with, I could really do with the help/support!!
So... I’m currently 7 months pregnant, 19 years old and have split with the babies father (definitely for the best) however trouble is now on the horizon.
Me and the babies father live 100 miles apart, we originally lived together in his home with his mother when I fell pregnant however his mother was an alcoholic/drug abuser/unstable and caused a lot of trouble eg. Falling on me in bed drunk when I was pregnant, bringing random men back to the house for drugs and sex, constantly screaming and shouting and getting in my face over things, basically everything you don’t want a baby around, so me and the babies dad left to move back to my family home for mine and the babies safety... this lasted the whole of two weeks before he had ran back home to his mom (he had major issues with moving because of her dragging him around the country as a little boy following whichever boyfriend she could get) anyway he went back home and refused to make any compromises to get away from her, so after many arguments we separated because I needed to keep my baby safe and it turns out in the end he’s just happy to stay at his moms house responsibility free, smoking cannabis and not working (great example to set) so anyway I adapted to single life again and got everything sorted for the baby by myself with no help, I brought every nappy, wipe, babygrow, pram, you name it and I’ve provided the best.
So... now that we’ve both accepted being separate which i can’t lie has been hard, the subject of contact came up (in an argument) where he states he wants “every week Friday-Sunday overnight access to the baby at his home from the second he’s born” I’ve said this isn’t possible because 1. I plan to breast feed and feel very strongly about it, this isn’t possible to do whilst 100 miles away. 2. I don’t trust the baby to be in the company of his mom and to be honest I don’t trust him around the child now he’s started taking drugs again.
I offered him as much access to the baby as he wants from birth it just needs to be supervised by me whilst I’m breast feeding, it needs to be at my home/in my city because it’s compleltey unfair to make the baby travel 6 hour trips to go up to his home and I’ve said he’s welcome to build this up to having unsupervised access after a bond has been formed and he can prove he is trustworthy (there has been threats of taking the baby) and overnight stays once he’s in a stable environment and our son is old enough to understand why he’s been taken away from his mom and when he properly has a bond with the dad.

As you can all imagine this has caused row after row, all of the nasty things in the world have been said and threats of court are now constantly being said by him.
I guess after all of this my questions are, has anyone been through anything similar with overnight access long distance? Has anybody been through court for a similar thing and can give me advice? Does he have any rights and what do you believe the court would say? Am I being unreasonable? Or can any other single moms give me a hell load of support and a shoulder to cry on!!! Thanks so much for reading if you’ve got this far ❤️❤️❤️

Hi there,
I am a first time mom, my little one is 16 weeks.
If you are not comfortable with baby being away from you overnight (and you have every reason to feel uncomfortable about it) then don't allow it. You do what is right for you and your baby, and baby's safety is priority.
Can I just say we'll done to you for wing so brave as to split, it's a hard and scary thing to do when your pregnant.
Best of luck with everything x

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I wouldn't mention the birth certificate to him at all or he'll start giving you grief over it. Once the babies born just go and register on your own and don't put the father's name. ( this is advisable even if you make up in the mean time ! ) good luck.

Just to update you all on my ridiculous situation... I tried to contact him about my glucose test results coming back, this ended in another argument and threats of court yet AGAIN, he's now blocked me on absolutely everything and said he'll contact me at the end of May (I'm due June 6th!!) someone please tell me this works in my favour? He's had the option to come to every midwife/antenatal class/scan and now he's just walked away from all of it and walked away from any chance of even texting me to ask how the baby is (which he hasn't done for 4 weeks)

"In your favour".

Lady, you don't need to do anything, nor have any proof of what an arse he is.

As far as the courts are concerned, a relationship with both parents needs to be of benefit to the child. Not you and most certainly not him. If he wants to have contact with his child then he'll need to contact you. I would advise that should you hear from him, you insist that all contact between you from now on is via email. Not messenger or text message: just email. Block him on your phone so he can't harass you. Then, you won't have to get into a discussion or an argument with this toad. And you'll have written evidence of his unreasonableness should he demonstrate any. From your description it's just a matter of time, really

Stop contacting him, I would say blocking you was perfect, do the same...
it's the best thing that could happen, he doesn't give a shit, if he did he would move out of his mummy's hovel, get a job & be trying to prove he is of value as a partner & father...

Re birth cert
The only way he can be on birth cert is he comes with to register office with you so dont tell him the time
Please give the baby your surname too.
He does not have be there at birth either .

Its your body and your appointments are none of his business. You don't have to answer to him or talk to him at all. I suggest you go no contact until you hear from his solicitor and then reply via your own. Might be an idea to have the first solicitors appointment before the baby is born so you have a plan of action before you get baby brain!