Is this normal?

[wondering24]

AIBU to wonder if other's marriages are like this...,?

My DH have been together 10.5 years, married for 5. It was clear on getting together than our libidos aren't quite in synch. I'd happily have sex 3,4,5 times a week, whereas he's a more 'once a fortnight' or more type. We have great sex when it does happen.

What my question is that I don't feel I can instigate sex, I can't give him an amorous kiss or 'feel him up' without him looking at me weird or pushing me off. Whereas he'll do exactly that if he wants sex. If I'm in the mood, I feel I have to ask, which makes me feel like a twat and takes all the romance/spontaneity out of it.

It's not a control thing, as he's super laid back and doesn't attempt to control anything in my life- apart from maybe the TV 😂.

I can't help but feel this is weird. I've mentioned it to him and he laughed it off and said it's not true, but that's absolutely what happens. We haven't had sex in over 2 weeks and I don't want to have to ask for it, but at the same time I feel he laughs off my advances.

Is this normal? That one person 'controls' the sexy time? Any advice or comments welcome 😁

Does he show any signs or actions that he loves you? Pushing you away when you want to show affection sounds a bit iffy. Sounds like he just using you to fulfil his sexual needs when he wants it. I'm no expert but it could be that his libido is low. This is my first reply on this forum. Maybe others can give you more insight.

Have you tried doing the same to him when he wants sex? Maybe he will want more if he knows it isn't going to be there every time he wants it. Try it next time and see what reaction you get.

I wonder if your H has willy issues. He could be feeling that he can't be sure he won't be stuck with a Mr Floppy if he responds when you make advances, so he only tries it on when he knows he's ready (or he might even be grabbing a sneaky Viagra and making his move at the perfet moment).

@ReanimatedSGB

I don't think this is the case, as it does happen spontaneously on occasion. He's never had any issue in that department before

Maybe he's getting it elsewhere.

Well yeah, if one of you has a lower libido than the other, then that person "controls" the sexy time because what's the alternative - them having sex they don't want?