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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How important is saying I Love You?

5 replies

MilkieBar · 01/03/2019 20:49

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year and he’s always admitted to struggling with expressing his feelings. He’s said “I love you” once, this was when he was upset over an unrelated issue and it was maybe heat of the moment. I didn’t say it back at the time because it felt wrong due to him being upset. A couple of weeks later I told him I loved him as we lay in bed together and he kissed me for a few seconds then when he broke off he said it back. I was kind of hoping this would then pave the way for him to say it to me again... but alas, nothing. He tells me he loves me through his actions all the time but I feel good hearing out loud that I am loved. My previous relationships were very verbally expressive and from pretty early on, so I’m wondering if it’s just this comparison which leaves me feeling a little insecure. He says he is trying to be more open about his feelings so do I just hang in there and keep listening to his actions in the meantime?

OP posts:
lottielady · 01/03/2019 20:51

Google ‘love languages’.

I’d be concerned if someone couldn’t get over themselves to this extent though. DP and I say it all the time.

On the other hand, he has to mean it, otherwise it does more harm than good.

Do you think he loves you?

MrsPerfect12 · 01/03/2019 20:52

If he's showing you in actions then that could be enough. I love to hear those words tho. On the other side, someone could say it and not be doing the loving things for you or even loving you at all.

MilkieBar · 01/03/2019 20:55

@lottielady thank you I will have a google.
I think he does love me, we’ve been through some hard times together already and I just don’t think he’d still be around if he didn’t.

It’s just nice to get that verbal confirmation sometimes.

OP posts:
Fidgety31 · 01/03/2019 20:58

My boyfriend of nearly 3 years has never said it to me !

Meandwinealone · 01/03/2019 21:24

Both of you need to have a talk. If there is something you need in life then it needs to be talked about. If they don’t love you, then it will come out, if they do but struggle to show it then you can both work out how they can show it in other ways.

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