It's over, isn't it?

[ItsOverIsntIt]

DP and I have been together for almost 2 years now. We're very comfortable together and have really great moments from time to time.

Over the past 3 months or so however, it seems that everything we do annoys the other. Last night we were arguing about something as minute as the dishwasher not being loaded properly. Today about a minor non-consequential misinterpretation of a text message. Everything just escalates into an argument, tbh, and I don't know why.

A fortnight ago we both came to an agreement late at night (and after way too many glasses of wine) that this relationship was "going nowhere" but that we could maybe "fix it". But how do we fix something when there isn't anything that's necessarily wrong with it? This is it, isn't it?

Sorry if this doesn't exactly make sense; I'm just so upset right now.

sounds like it is time to go your separate ways, sorry OP.

Are you happier when you're with him or when you're not?

If he's late home, are you relieved?

Do you look forward to seeing him each evening?

If he went away for a couple of weeks with work, do you think you'd miss him?

Why did you both say it was going nowhere?
Huw old are you both?
Does he love you?

You’re out of the honeymoon period and into the hard graft bit. I think this is the bit where you decide if you’re going to stay or not and then knuckle down and get through those stupid arguments. Eventually it settles down...

I'm 28, DP is 31.

It's a very weird situation at home. We do have good moments, don't get me wrong. But most of the time we're either apathetic to each other, or we try to talk/do things together and it typically descends into an argument/mutual irritation anyway.

I was actually away for work last week for 4 days. On the first day, we flirted quite a bit over text (felt like the old days), conversation turned sour at one point, and then was pretty much radio silence till day 4 where we spoke as we always do.

I love her to bits (we're both women not that it matters) but somedays I guess I just don't see a future. I think she feels the same way too. A part of me doesn't want to leave though because this should've worked and neither of us did anything "wrong". We're all just in limbo it seems.

Do either one of you want kids? Marriage?
If you don't even enjoy the same things then what is left?

We've spoken about marriage/kids before but always in the context of "maybe sometime down the line" since we're both very career-minded now.

I don't know about her but for me it just feels "incomplete" (for lack of a better word) if we break up? Besides, I dislike and have no energy for the "get to know you" stage of a relationship. Since DP already knows everything about me, I guess I like the familiarity and comfort of it all. Think she probably feels the same too since she's still here and hasn't said a thing.

No its not over, unless you want it to be.

This is where you find out if you are both prepared to work through the tough bits. All relationshps go through periods of "I dont like you much but I dont hate you enough to actually leave".

There was a question about "working on a marriage" and what it means on MN a couple of days ago. Its this. Its about acepting that sometimes one or the other of you will at some point be a complete arsehole. That some times will be tough and will have you at each others throats. That you still love each other more than you annoy each other and are prepared to put up with the shit bit to get to the nice bit again.

What if she packed up and left, tonight. How would you feel? Or if she said that she had met someone else and was leaving for them?

It’s not necessarily over but then again neither of you are acting like you want to put the effort in. If you want to be certain, go see a counsellor.